Why does love lose its wonder as we get older (or does it)?
Asked by
Yellowdog (
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February 3rd, 2018
I listen to love songs, like ‘Something’ or ‘My Love’ by Paul McCartney, or ‘She’s Got a Way’ or “Always a Woman” by Billy Joel.
I could write such prose or poetry when I was younger, but it has been a long time since love has moved me this way—even when I know I am loved fully and truthfully by another.
Sometimes love alone is enough to move me, but not the way it once did. Even unrequited. unreturned love.
It is easy to dismiss it as hormones, and maybe it is. But I don’t remember love as being all that sexual when I was younger, nor do the above mentioned songs (or hundreds of others) specifically imply sexual desire— Desire, yes—the one we love and want is desirable to be sure—the one we base our whole existence on—but not necessarily sexual so I don’t readily chalk it up to teenage hormones.
It just seems at one time, a lover’s presence, even seeing her name written down, could move me to tears. (then again, it was hard back then, when I wanted or desired so much… ) Now, although I still feel love, it seems my GF and I have plans but it seems life is just a struggle we get through together one day at a time, and nothing more.
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13 Answers
We get older. We have seen more and experienced more. Everything – not just love – is something we have done before.
Call it worn down, call it jaded, we’ve seen it all before and it isn’t as exciting.
It depends on what kind of love it is and how strong it is. People mistake infatuation for love, but it can be fleeting.
there is no love, only lust.
I’m pretty jaded and worn down, but nothing starts my day off on the right foot like waking up to wife’s face.
I don’t think it’s caused by age itself. I think people are different about how they relate to relationships, and how that changes, not because of years passing, but because of their experiences in relationships, and perhaps even more importantly, because of the things that change in them from those relationships.
I find love to be a wonder still. I wonder that my wife loves me as much today as she did the day we were married. I wonder that I still get turned on by her. I wonder that even through good times and bad, we are still ga-ga about each other.
Because of experience, the context of situations generating intense emotions is different from those when one was younger. You are more aware of aspects of daily existence now. Then you were unaware of this added perspective or, as typical for young love, you ignored it. It is also possible that embarrassment accompanies strong emotional reactions and you unconsciously dampen them to protect yourself from that feeling.
Love issues give me a headache. It is what it is, sexual, platonic, or otherwise. I will say that there were times when I was younger when I would have really preferred to remain relegated to the “friend zone” with certain females but they always wanted to push the envelope.
There’s nothing like the experience of living to erode enthusiasm, idealism and all 3 of the big virtues. And the longer you live, the thicker the armor, the greater the cynicism, as the disappointments accumulate apace with the insults of aging while you dash toward the finish line.
Familiarity breeds contempt. Its just that we werent intended to be monogamous for fifty plus years. If you are lucky you can, but its hard.
The love doesn’t lose it’s wonder the lust does though.
“Those who love deeply cannot age”. – Pinero
To me. Love doesn’t change. People do though. The person that you fell in love with, may not be the person who you see in front of you after time passes. Some couples change in ways that each other don’t mind, and they stay in love.
Sometimes love is mistaken for lust too. When the sex gets a bit old, people realize that they had little in common…
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