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Dutchess_III's avatar

Can you help me understand this situation in the series "Frankie and Grace"?

Asked by Dutchess_III (47126points) February 4th, 2018

It’s a wonderful series with Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin. Franky’s husband is played by Sam Waterston, and Fonda’s by Martin Sheen.

For those who’ve never seen it, it’s about those 2 couples, both in their 70s. They’ve been married for 40 years. The husbands have worked together for many, many years. The wives are wary friends.
One day the husbands announced they’re leaving their wives to be together because they’re gay, and they really love each other. They’ve been trysting for 20 years.

There is just one thing I have a problem with. It really bothers me a lot, and I’m hoping that talking it out will help.

Franky and her husband obviously share a deep and abiding affection for each other. It looks like love to me. The kind of love everyone wishes they could have had for their whole lives. They are “soul mates.”
I just don’t see that same spark between him and his lover.

Why is he leaving her again? It can’t just be for sex, can it? I’m almost 60 and I would certainly value the depth and quality of my relationship with my husband, especially if I’d shared my whole life with him, far more than the sex. How can he break her heart like that?

And yes, I know it’s just a TV show. But I’m curious as to why they wrote it that way. It’s breaking my heart.

And Fonda looks more beautiful than she did when she was 20! Not fair! Lilly doesn’t look much different either. >_<

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7 Answers

janbb's avatar

Because he was a closet gay and he was having an affair with Martin Sheen’s character for years. But I understand your question – and I, too, don’t see real chemistry between Sheen and Waterson. I think if you think of Frankie and Sol as best friends it makes more sense.

Such break-ups after long marriages happen in real life too. :-P

Dutchess_III's avatar

What would you do, @janbb? If I loved someone still, I think I would have kept quiet and just let things go on as they had been. Maybe it’s because I’m female, but sex just doesn’t have that much power over me.

janbb's avatar

I think the men wanted to come out and live together. I watched the beginning a long time ago and don’t remember. Also, the men loved each other so that would be a hard pill to swallow. It wasn’t just sex.

Dutchess_III's avatar

They’re getting married now. The kids are putting it all together. It’s hilarious in places!

Pandora's avatar

I look at it this way. What he had with Frankie was a sort of dependency. I think she was more of a mother figure. But no matter how close he was with her, he had a need to put her feelings above his own. He couldn’t hurt her feelings and in the mean time he had his lover on the side that he could be genuine about his sexuality, but at the same time, what bonded them was that they were both afraid to come out. He has almost the same dependent relationship with Sheens character. Of course he would seem outwardly more in tune with Frankie but that was because there relationship wasn’t frowned upon. He was free to be himself with her. With Sheen, he was in a taboo relationship and he was terrified how his family would react. Naturally you have to have a sort of wall up between you to not show your true nature. His reaction with Frankie is often one of comfort and guilt. He felt she needed him where as Sheen is strong and independent. It’s like loving two children. You will pay attention to the needier child because you trust the independent one will be fine. Doesn’t mean you love the needier child more.

But I think he loves them both. He’s just lived with Frankie so long that she is his best friend and Sheen is his best friend too, but for years he was in a friendship that was hidden from society and now they both have to learn to navigate the extremely new changes. (But honetsly, I think it has more to do with the acting. I think both actors are having difficulty playing the role. Especially Sheen. I love his acting but because he has always played a strong character, I think it quite isn’t in his wheelhouse to play soft and sensitive.) So I don’t think it’s how it is written but rather how Sheen portrays his character.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Very insightful @Pandora. Thank you. I am also surprised that Sheen agreed to play the part of a gay man, a part which requires him to behave sexually toward another man. In my experience, gay men tend to freak straight men out. Especially macho men like Sheen.

Dutchess_III's avatar

We are really hooked on the show, especially the scenes with Franky and Grace. The men, not so much. The way the script is written seems so cliche, constantly calling each other “sweetheart,” and “honey” stuff. I’m trying to think of a sitcom starring a hetero sexual couple that has “sweetheart” written in about 8 times a show.

I’m super proud of Rick too. He told me last night that if he’d been told before hand what it was about he would not have watched it. He’s not a homophobe, but it makes him really uncomfortable.
I said, “I know. But…it’s really none of our business, you know?”
And, he agreed. Proud of him.

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