Should my grand daughter be allowed to hide behind her hair at a school?

Such an intrusive question! :-o

It makes me want to Trump-out and give myself a hyuge back-to-front comb-over, so that I can hide my face behind my hair! :-P

Authority should be obeyed. Repeated violations should result in a shaved head.

No, she should have to hide behind a post like the rest of us.

I am picturing something like this every school day.

The child should be allowed to choose her own hair style, but it sounds like a parent/teacher conference is in order.

If a child feels the need to hide behind her hair, then my first thought is that something in the environment is wrong.

If a teacher thinks the solution is to put a 4-year-old girl’s hair in a ponytail, especially with the teacher herself doing it, I think the teacher has failed to provide a safe environment AND is feeling a need to physically dominate a 4-year-old girl from protecting herself, and probably should be retrained.

The whole thing sounds like a fairy-tale nightmare about an evil woman and a mother who wouldn’t listen to her.

Sound really atrocious!

If it were my daughter or granddaughter, I would want to intervene.

It’s not the style @YARNLADY. They’ve never cut her hair, not even her bangs, so it’s all one length. She pulls the hair that would be considered “bangs, but not bangs” down to cover her face.

@Zaku Not necessarily. She’s probably just feeling shy, and outside of her comfort zone. She’s only 4. The teachers say she’s sweet and really well behaved in class. Like I said, I think I’d just let her hide, unless it’s causing a disruption in her own education. Also, there are 3 teachers in there so any untoward behavior by one would be reported. I wouldn’t read too much into it like that.

As a previously shy kid, I’m going with using the pony tail. Shy kids are prone to hiding in all circumstances unless their comfortable so step up the uncomfortable so she can see it’s safe.

My grandparents sent me to poise class and made me do pageants, torture, but I’m not shy anymore haha!

That was an interesting thought @KNOWITALL. That makes sense.

@Dutchess_III That’s good. Even so, it sounds to me like a situation that wants support rather than treating the hair hiding as a problem itself and a thing to control. How about supportive trust-building conversations to inquire what her experience is like and figure out how to make that better for her?

I think I would have to find out how this is being handled also. If the teacher is saying something to the effect of “get your hair out of your face, put it in a pony tail”, then yes it needs to be stopped. I, too, was a very shy child. I didn’t want to go outside if the neighbors were outside because I didn’t want them to talk to me. My mom would try to force me to go out and I would just stay on the side of the house away from the neighbors. Maybe if someone had just tried to talk to me and found out other ways to bring me out of my shell other than trying to control me, I think I would’ve came out of my shell much earlier.

So here we have a child, four years old, who deals with an uncomfortable environment in an admirable way – no kicking or screaming, just a tiny adjustment of something that’s within her control, allowing her to feel less scared and maybe even a little powerful. She’s probably able to learn more effectively due to the decrease in stress – and she found this harmless tool all by herself.

How do the adults respond? They teach her that being shy is bad, presumably making her feel worse about herself instead of building up her self-confidence. Very strange.

I’m working on it guys. I’ll get a chance to talk to her by myself today. It’s not like I have any real control over it, either.

For me, it’s a bit wild that my crazy, over zealous, crazy Zoey is shy!

I’m feeling what each of you are saying. But, like I said, it’s not really in my control. And her mother tends to side with “authority” no questions asked. And my son will stay silent to keep the piece. All of which isn’t good, IMO. But I’ll be babysitting all the kids today and I’ll see what I can find out from Zoes and get back to you.

Well, there isn’t much to report. I asked her what she liked about school, and she said playing with her friends. I asked who her friends were and she named about 5 kids, so that’s a good sign.
I asked what she didn’t like about school, and she said when “Damian” gets in trouble because he gets in trouble a lot.
I didn’t get any bad vibes or anything.

If a child was hiding under a desk, attempts would be made to get them to come out.
I think you are focusing too much on the hair, and overlooking the real issue.
Schools have always placed importance on socialization, but lately, with the desensitization of of cyberlife, efforts are more strenuous than ever to socialize students.
The teacher has a job to do. Don’t be a monkey wrench.

How do Fluther People make such great leaps of assumptions? You seem to have mysteriously come to the conclusion that I am actively protesting it in some way.
And you certainly don’t need to tell me what a teacher’s job is.
And if you bothered to read my response, the one just above yours, you’ll see that she appears to be socializing well.

Instead of asking her why she hides behind her hair…ask her why she wants to hide her pretty little face under her hair only while she’s in school. I bet you get a better answer than because the hair is on my head…duh.

My neighbor’s grandson was 3 maybe 4 when he started holding his hand over his eyes a lot & they couldn’t get him to stop. They finally gave up & took him to s child psychologist to figure out the problem. When the doc got to the root of the problem, they discovered that a bunch of well meaning adults had been telling him since he was a baby “Oh what beautiful green eyes you have. Where did you get them…mommy & daddy both have blue eyes.” Over time, it made him feel that there was something wrong with his green eyes & he simply didn’t want anybody else looking at them. His thinking was…IF they couldn’t see them, they couldn’t see that they were the wrong color so he hid them. Intelligent children come up with creative ways to avoid uncomfortable situations. Since your grand daughter isn’t normally shy, maybe some kid in class has said something hurtful to her & she’s trying to avoid hearing it again. As a teacher, I’m sure you’ve seen some of the mean & hurtful things that school kids do to each other. In my neighbor’s example, NOT one of the adults ever dreamed that they were hurting that child’s feelings or they wouldn’t have said such a thing. They thought they were being funny…he didn’t. IF you had a little girl in your class who was hiding behind her hair, how would you help her to feel more comfortable???

Heck no! Tie her to a stump and burn it off! (That’s what my grandfather said to do about my long hair.)
Her hair is her business. Her peers will correct any social problems it brings, if there are any.