Odd Wedding Invite?

It’s not uncommon to invite some people to the reception but not to the wedding. If they sent you an Evite saying it was the wedding, though, that was a mistake and/or rude/thoughtless.

An evite seems pretty tasteless for an event as important as a wedding. But that’s not your question. It was rude not to invite everyone to the wedding knowing it would be found out. But it’s over so there’s nothing you can do. It seems like there are a lot of thoughtless people that don’t send thank you notes for gifts anymore. Maybe you can ask around and see if anyone else received a thank you. If so, I would ask if they received your gift.

It sounds like there are several things going on that may or may not be related, but…

1. The evite thing sounds kind of tacky for a formal wedding. I’ve seen some weddings where that might have been a step up from the casualness with which it was treated and attended – and I’m not judging, just saying that some weddings are more formal and better planned than others. This seems like one of the latter trying to be one of the former.

2. Because of the (apparently) bad planning, I’m wondering if perhaps the plans had changed after they started sending out the evites (or they corrected an error after they started), and maybe you got one that was sent before the final plans were set (or corrected). So, yeah, you were important enough to invite high on the list, but unfortunately the poor planning and execution meant that you didn’t get the revision, either.

I’d try to be somewhat charitable on either (or both) of those possibilities, and hold out the hope that they will recognize from your tone of sincere disappointment at having missed the ceremony because of the imprecision of the invitation that they will apologize for the oversight.

Obviously, the US Postal Service is entirely to blame for the lack of an acknowledgement~, and you should complain bitterly (but quietly) about the USPS losing your Thank You card or note~, but be sure to ask “Did you get the gift?” Whether they step up and apologize AGAIN for this oversight or delay in acknowledging or not (and let the USPS take the blame) will tell you a lot about them, I think. (As if you don’t already know.)

They don’t seem to have their bases very well covered in planning, tact, care and consideration for others. They’ll certainly need your best wishes – and forbearance – if they’re going to make a go of this.

I’d ask the one that you’re closest to to explain it. Perhaps there’s a reasonable explanation. If you don’t it could eventually explode with all the conversations happening and you’ll look dramatic for not just asking them directly.

Invites to the reception only are not rare; in fact, it used to be very common. Some churches are not large enough to hold the whole guest list.

Because your boyfriend is a coworker and not a long term friend, he may have been on the B list to invite if someone on the A list couldn’t make it. That may be why he got an evite.

Other than the discomfort from only going to the reception, did you two enjoy yourselves? If so, chalk it up to something you don’t ever want to do to someone, and let it go.

Evites for weddings are more and more common, especially among millennials.

It is also common to invite only a few people to the actual ceremony, and others only to the reception.

It sounds like an oversight on their part not changing the wording on your evite, but I would not be insulted by not being invited to the ceremony.

As for the thank you note, the bride and groom have up to three months to get them all written.

Don’t sweat it. You were well intentioned, you guys could have just begged out or not even gone. They’ll probably be divorced in five years anyway.