How should I really take this, good or bad?

It could be anything.

The bottom line is that you don’t trust him. This episode is just one manifestation. If you did trust him then you wouldn’t even ask the question.

I’d say that you have the issue right now, not him.

You don’t say how long you’ve been dating him or how he met this woman and why they are planning to rent together. There’s too much missing to say anything conclusive. He was being totally upfront with you about it so that isn’t a red flag to me. It does seem a little odd to me that a man of 46 is looking to share an apartment – that is more of a 20s and 30s thing to do. What is his financial situation?

@janbb, I know right, well he is an Architecht,drives a Mercedez, yet he told me he wants to save more money, since he has important priorities, he wants to buy a good apartment or house, so know he wants something small like an efficiency or divide a rent between 2, but he already rented a cheap efficiency, I saw it its good for him, plus all the money he gets from his job he saves it, this is what he really wants, cheap rent and closer to his job, so he can save as much as possible for his plans.

The other thing I did not really like is that his ex wife and him still talk, she called him the other days and I was sitting next to him, an saw her name, I had already done a background check on this guy, That’s How I know her name. she is older than him she is almost 60.(I guess when he was younger he liked older women, or married her for some reason (papers, money) I don’t even want to think about it.

Why would a ‘roomate’ text ‘what are you doing’? That’s a social question unless it’s in regard to the apartment issue.

If they didn’t know what each other looked like, I sure wouldn’t be moving into a place with her, I mean have a conversation, do a background check, people are crazy. There’s no way I would consider any of this a good idea, especially for a wealthy man.

Why don’t you suggest you all go to dinner to meet and get to know each other (in an innocent, social way) so that you can catch all the vibes? I know if my boyfriend was moving in with a strange woman while taking it to the next level with me, I’d do some investigating.

Be cautious and play it by ear, as it goes along. But don’t over think it!

It’s not uncommon for people who don’t know each other to plan to room together in large cities but as I said, 46 seems a bit of an odd age for that. As for talking to an ex-wife, my ex and I will talk occasionally but we do have grown children together. It would only trouble me if it were all the time and very intimate conversations. Still, it all doesn’t seem quite kosher to me. I like @KNOWITALL‘s idea of suggesting you meet the prospective roommate socially or even go apartment shopping with them if you and he are in an exclusive relationship. If you are just casually dated, it could be seen as too possessive.

Something else to think about is the age discrepancy. In midlife, some age differences don’t seem too much but if you stay with him, you could be 60 when he is 76. That is a big age difference. I have friends who are 68 and married to men who are now 80. It’s kind of a drag.

@kritiper I admire your sentiment but telling a woman not to overthink a relationship is probably wasted breath! :-)

@janbb Probably. But, nevertheless, it may need to be said…

Say away.

Conversations with an ex wife are not all bad, as long as he is not also dating her. (No romps “for old time’s sake”! An amicable divorce is actually a good sign.

I would be cautious, though, about him moving in with a woman unless he introduces the two of you first.

You’re getting a lot of advice about the question you actually asked, that is, about whether to take it as good or bad, but my opinions on that are mixed and inconclusive because I have so little data and understand less with every new explanation. So I can’t say whether anything here is particularly good or particularly bad.

But I would offer a different suggestion about how to take it: take it slow.

Don’t think too far about it. It’s good and wise to be smart and alert about your boyfriend’s real intention but know that suspecting or acting accusatively without a valid or strong proof will only ruin your already good relationship. He’s been nice and sincere with you all this time, and even without hesitation mentioning you and your relationship with him to this woman so he does not come off as double player to me. It’s not a problem if they want to befriend each others, friendship should never be limited by gender. You’ll have to feel secure about your relationship. Be honest, open, and tell him your worries. He might think you’re a bit jealous but a good man will make an effort to comfort you and clarify and details, just… don’t do this too often.