Is it all your fault?

Mostly my fault.

Usually all of my fault.

Mostly my fault.

In those few instances where it isn’t my fault, it is at least my responsibility as to how I react and address the situation.

What difference does it make? Whatever your situation, you have to proactively make the best of it. If you refrain from doing anything because you think others are at fault then you are most certainly to blame.

I tend not to think in terms of those labels of blame, shame or fault. That is, I try to avoid judging situations (and people – and especially myself, because I do grant myself this one grace!) in the first place as bad or good. I do try to constantly evaluate situations and people, though, as to their degree of effectiveness, safety and security, intelligence and rationality, affluence and generosity, emotional stability and peace, capacity for violence and a whole laundry list of things that I’m not prepared to list here. (So, yes, constantly “observing and judging” in many more ways than I’m going to list – just not applying a label.)

But with all that in mind: I’m not assigning a label that requires me to think in terms of “good person”, “bad place”, “awful situation”, etc., just in a more general sense of “do I want to be here or not?” And whether the answer to that generalized (and seldom even vocalized) question is Yes or No – I’m responsible for making the assessment, answering the question, and whether I take action or not (or what actions I do take).

So “I’m responsible.” I’m always 100% responsible for being where I am and doing what I do.

The main objective is to pick yourself up and keep on going. Blame and retribution are secondary (there are only so many times I can kick my own ass).

Rarely my fault, I have very high standards of behavior for myself. Others do not.

Nobody is important enough to deserve all the blame—or all the credit—for much of anything, beyond those tiny insignificant acts that a person can really take all alone, such as burning the hard-boiled eggs or sweeping the kitchen.

The important thing is taking responsibility for your own choices and actions and leaving it to others to take responsibility for theirs. It’s usually not up to us to assign blame to others.

I’ve listened to people tell their stories of past anger and depression and victimhood, sometimes to the point of paralysis that went on and on and on. Everything was somebody else’s fault. Nothing really changed until they got up enough gumption or had enough pain or wanted something badly enough to get out of the rut.

The good news is that if it isn’t all somebody else’s fault, then there’s something you can do about it.

But if you think it’s entirely 100% your fault, either your world is too small or you don’t recognize where you stand in relation to other people. You can’t control them, but you can’t obliterate them either. You do what you can for yourself.