How would you handle this work situation?

I would recommend that HR to request a psych evaluation and or get therapy for your co-worker.

@RedDeerGuy1 I’d love to, but other than these random situations, I respect her work ethic very much. It’s the people skills that need some work. Remember this is two ladies over 40 years old who have worked together on and off for close to 15 years.

I’m just frustrated because my attempts at reconciliation are not working this time, she’s all bulled up.

@KNOWITALL Your co-worker could be going through some major problems or something that might pass. Maybe a work a round is possible. Like suggesting mandatory optimism classes? Or something close to what would help your co-worker and you get along. You could suggest a good on topic book for your co-worker to read? Like a self help book or a motivational book. Like Mastering your E.Q. any type of emotional intelligence book or ebook by Daniel Goleman ? You can get on Amazon for $15 + shipping. You could read the same books for fun and see if you learn anything new? I read a “Course in Miracles” in university and It helped a bunch. You don’t have to be a Christian to read it.

@KNOWITALL Or you can give her a small gift? Like her favorite coffee and muffin. Or a card saying how much she is wanted, signed by all of the staff? Or a Tim Horton’s gift card or whatever you have close by? Or have a staff party? Or you can wait her out until she gets over what ever is eating at her?

@RedDeerGuy1 Well understand, she’s being a real witch to me and I didn’t do anything- at all. If I did, I would totally be willing to do whatever it took to end this stalemate. I’m more of a confrontation kind of person, and I’m afraid in this environment and her volatile nature, it may be a bad move. Like ‘what’s your problem?’ is what I want to say.

@KNOWITALL O.k. then. Keep us updated. Can you ask for help?

I’m confused…I thought you said it had nothing to do with you? Why do you have to reconciliate?
If it was me, I’d just go on and ignore her completely, unless she says something to you, in which case you respond per normal. She knows she’s getting under your skin (and that’s her goal.) She’ll also know it when it isn’t getting under your skin any more. She won’t let go of whatever until then.

Sounds like a call for “Employee Assistance” for her !

“Her kid is trouble with the law, mother is dying, husband ran away with 18 year old babysitter” . . . .she is stressed and needs someone NOT YOU; to step in and help with maybe with counselors.

Where did you get “her kid is in trouble with the law, etc”?
Without really knowing exactly what is wrong with her, it’s hard to make suggestions. Is she dying of cancer?

She got in trouble here at work, and ever since has been mad at the world. Its nothing to do with me or her personal life that I’m aware of. She’s a grudge holder and resents authority.

@Dutchess_III Honestly that’s what my boss suggested, too. It’s very hard and tension is high though. Ugh!

Since you view her condition as temporary, why not just continue to ignore her, particularly since that appears to be what she would prefer. Have you experienced one of these “spells” in the past?

@stanleybmanly Yes, quite often. I’m a peacekeeper though, and hate tension It’s been about six business days of this now. Every time I say anything, she’s nasty. “I’m tired of getting blamed for everything” ....just on and on and on.

I don’t have the most patience and I’m afraid if it goes on much longer, I may lose my temper as well, when she smarts off something nasty again.

Tell it to your boss just like you did here. That’s why he’s your boss. “I’m a peacekeeper though, and hate tension It’s been about six business days of this now. Every time I say anything, she’s nasty. “I’m tired of getting blamed for everything” ....just on and on and on.
I don’t have the most patience and I’m afraid if it goes on much longer, I may lose my temper as well, when she smarts off something nasty again“

It’s your boss’ job to make sure that you can do your job well. It sounds like this situation is nearing red zone status, and he needs to know so he can support you however he thinks is necessary. I believe that if you approach your boss first instead of letting him find out about it after you’ve had a argument, it will go much better for you. Keep us posted!

I’d offer support and remind her you weren’t involved, really briefly. Maybe the next time she has a smartass comment just remind her…

“I hope that works out, and understand you’re stressed out, but it wasn’t me. I’ll be right over here if you need me.”

If you can deliver it without an edge, something like that will usually diffuse the situation for you personally, even if not overall.

Well it sounds as though the 2 of you can be productive without much interaction. Would the tasks for which you’re responsible permit you to wear some big headphones? That would allow you to substitute something pleasant as well as send the less than subtle message that “I don’t wanna hear it”.

@funkdaddy I know people like that. They have to be long suffering. Any act, even one of support or apology, anything, is an excuse to remind you how long suffering and put upon they are.
I say just do whatever you do when she’s not there. Do you have some headphones you could wear and plug into some music. I assume they have music where you work ~

@Dutchess_III The whole point of acknowledging it is to get out of a passive role and let the person know you’ve noticed what they’re doing, and understand, but don’t really want a part in it. You’re not going to give up your space simply because they’re angry at someone else. It doesn’t have to confrontational, but if they’re still doing it after more than a week, it needs to be acknowledged.

Maybe it’s a little different, but macho dudes do this type of stuff all the time in offices and you eventually just have to let them know it’s not ok. If you do it kindly then it doesn’t have to be a confrontation, but if you never do it, you’ll always be uncomfortable in your own space.

I’ve never been a fan of letting someone else force me into a shell when I’m in my own space.

I did’t say anything about giving up her space. KnowIt has done everything she knows to do and is rudely being rebuffed. I say just get a pair of head phones and do your job just like you would if the lady wasn’t there. Don’t give her any attention.

Another coworker mentioned the earbuds, too, but it’s kind of rude in an office setting. Thing is she’s gotten herself in trouble and can’t stand not being ‘top dog’.

@Dutchess She is exactly that. She does the most work, and better than anyone, etc..a martyr who is really just a bully, or dictator.

@Snowberry Boss knows and something will happen. She upset some top dogs twice in a month being belligerent. She cooked her own goose. I just dont want to snitch and add to the situation. She taught me everything I know, and while I’m grateful, she resents my successes, because I get along well with everyone and she doesnt. So I’m trying to show her respect and compassion as her career comes crashing to an end right after her 20 year anniversary. BUT I’m struggling with my good intentions when she’s hateful to me.

@KNOWITALL How I would handle the situation? I would take all of my vacation days and hope that she gets fired from harassing my replacement or if she mellows out on her own. I would ask my network of friends for advice. If it doesn’t work then I would quit for grounds and go on the dole for a few weeks to the max and look for work elsewhere.

Ha, well I have vacation week after next, and I am hoping it gets resolved by the time I come back. But I certainly won’t allow anyone to interfere with my career, right before a huge promotion (fingers crossed!) I think I’ll do wjat @Dutchess said and act as if she isn’t there for another loooong week, take vaca and pray for patience haha

Thanks all!

@KNOWITALL Maybe she is mad jealous about your promotion? Maybe she wants it too? Just a guess.

Anyone with children knows the value in ignoring bad behavior in some situations.

Some things are better left unsaid. This is one of those times. Give it time and let her be the one to come to you.

She kinda sounds like a drama queen…?

I don’t even know why you bother to make friend with this kind of person. Unless it’s part of the work procedure to communicate with her there’s no obligation on your part to speak with her. Just treat her like another insignificant person that happened to share a room with you. You’re there for the money, not to be her friend, use that mindset to do your job and deal with her.

@Red She isnt aware of the possible promotion, I was told not to tell anyone.

@Unofficial Yes, a drama queen at times but more of a martyr complex. If I tell her she does more work because of her control issues, she won’t acknowledge it.

Thank goodness it’s Friday!

@Unofficial_Member I don’t think she actively sought her out to become her friend. She’s a coworker. @KNOWITALL understands the value of being on good terms with your coworkers. Hopefully this will all resolve soon.