Is it the custom in any other country besides America to address your parents as ma’am and sir?

We certainly do not.

I noticed on Fixer Upper, an HGTV show, that Chip and Joanna Gains’kids addresses them that way. They are in Gainesville Texas, I think.

Great Britain, it’s expected, especially in upper class families.,

East Asian countries, like Japan specifically.

@elbanditoroso Maybe that’s where the tradition comes from in the South? From the English. That was why I was curious about other countries, I was wondering the history behind it here in America.

As a Southern Belle, I was taught it was respectful to use Ma’am & Sir when speaking with others.. Both of my parents have passed & I still catch myself saying “Thank you Ma’am” or “Thank you Sir” to my wait staff when I go out to eat. Or to when someone holds a door open waiting for me to enter. I automatically say “Yes/No Ma’am” or “Yes/No Sir” when responding to anyone I respect. I was also raised that it is polite to look people in the eyes & say “Good morning”, “Good afternoon”, or “Good evening” depending on the time of day. “I’m beginning to notice that the art of respect is in the process of dying; so, I assume my form of being respectful will go with it.

I’ve only lived in the US so I don’t know about other countries; but I do know when I lived above the Mason/Dixon Line that I was considered a dinosaur when I spoke respectful to others.

There are some cultures who actually respect their elders first & foremost; but, I don’t know if they use the equivalent of Ma’am or Sir while doing so.

^^I am specifically curious about addressing ones own parents with sir or ma’am. This was especially jarring to me when I first heard it. Using it with other adults is a different thing to me, even though it sounded odd to me at first too.

@LadyMarissa I’ve always thought that the southern custom of addressing an elder as “Miss Mary” or “Mr. John” is very charming. It’s a way to be familiar while staying respectful.

I don’t think it is the custom here any longer, though there are certainly colloquial pockets within the country where the habit persists.

@JLeslie I thought Mom and Dad were the way we addressed them.

^^I don’t know what you mean.

I’m in Missouri, very much raised with ma’am and sir. If mom asks me to mow the lawn, yes ma’am! If grandpa asked if I wanted to go fishing, yes sir! It’s a respect thing, not required, we enjoy showing our elders respect.

In my job, I have to work in other areas of the country, and one woman in Florida asked me to call her Linda instead of ma’am and actually seemed offended….I was floored but used her first name. To me, that would be rude without her asking me to call her Linda personally, especially in a work situation. Different culture I guess.

As someone who grew up in the West (USA) and watched old family TV shows and historical dramas, I was aware of the “sir” part and sort of of the “ma’am” part, but only as an expectation that was either old-fashioned or extremely formal and/or strict, and it seemed rather cold and alien to me.

I don’t think I have ever addressed my parents that way. It still strikes me as something that domineering parents might require, but it seems to me like a sadly detached and hierarchical way for parents to relate to their children.

@KNOWITALL For the most part, in a work situation up north, or even most of Florida, because Florida has a lot of northerners, if we wanted to show respect we would use Ms. Lastname, and then if the person prefers you call her by her first name, she would tell you, “please call me Linda.” If we know the name we rarely use ma’am or sir. Not to say we constantly end every sentence with “yes Linda” when asked to do something, we don’t.

Being called sir or ma’am feels very odd when one is not accustomed to it. It’s kind of too hierarchical. Like, you will obey me. You will be obedient to me. It doesn’t feel like respect, it feels like people need to know their place. I’m not saying that’s how it is for Southerners, I’m just trying to give the explanation for why some northerners might find it off-putting.

The first time I heard a child say yes ma’am to her mom, I couldn’t believe it. It sounded so lacking familiarity, lacking love. For me the word mom is showing respect. It happens that friend of mine did have a very strict mom, and she was one to use corporal punishment, so it just reinforced my gut reaction that I had to begin with. I know that is not the case with all people who use ma’am and sir with their parents.

I was taught to address my parents in that way. However, I only did it when I was in trouble and wanted to placate them! It’s just a sign of respect.

A better question, I think, would be “In what ways are parents shown respect in other countries.?”

Obedience.

@JLeslie Wow, interesting! Thanks for explaining, I never would have thought it was more disrespectful to say sir or ma’am, than someone given name…without invitation or familiarity.

And you are kind of correct in saying that it’s obedient or that you know you’re place….it’s respect or honor, which I assume is more southern heritage than northern.

Here’s an interesting conversation about it:
https://forum.wordreference.com/threads/sir-and-madam-in-the-uk.478279/

Or this about origins:
http://www.dictionary.com/e/sir-madam/

I say “Mam” & “where the fuck are you?”
Our housestaff refer to me as sir as a matter of course…of course.

@ucme You should make them say Sire just for fun….haha

@KNOWITALL I don’t think it’s seen as disrespectful to use ma’am or sir, it’s just mostly not done, and a little, I keep using this word, jarring, when not used to it. I’d say maybe it’s more polite to use their name? They aren’t anonymous.

Ma’am can be used with any stranger, so to use it with family, or a boss, it’s alnost cold. The military uses it, to keep discipline and order, and even if you don’t know the senior officer he can command you to do something, and you know by the bars on his sleeve you say “yes sir” and hop to it. But, at home or work, hopefully it’s not quite so absent of emotion, or even absent of the ability to ask why or make a suggestion.

I’m not at all saying people who use ma’am and sir are less polite, I understand they are doing what they see as polite.

I heard it often that in Ghetto family is US the children would call their parents as ma’am and sir (it gives the air of obedience). I believe most people around the globe want their children to call them name with clear parental references.

@Love_my_doggie The Miss or Mr whatever has come into popularity with the younger generations. My Mom’s BFF feels highly insulted when she’s referred to as Miss Mary. When I was growing up it was considered disrespectful & highly offensive to refer to anyone older than yourself by their first name & many older than me felt offended when referred to as “Miss” anything especially if she was married. When I was working I made it a point to call them Miss or Mr whatever until they requested a preference & if they didn’t I then asked them if they had a preference as to what I should call them. After that I used their preference. When Ms came into being, many an older widow was offended because she still saw herself as still married but had “lost” her husband. Now that I’m old enough that it’s harder to find many people older than me, I still use Ma’am & Sir when I respect someone. I’m back living in the South, so it is not considered jarring at all!!!

To this day, 50 years later, when I think of my old neighbors, I think of them as “Mrs. Merrick,” or “Mrs. Hamblin.” I don’t even know what their first names are.

@JLeslie Gotcha. I guess I’ll keep using it in personal life but in professional I’ll stick with names. Thanks!

NZ calling: it sure as hell doesn’t happen here, despite our British colonial past, I’ve never heard anything like that in my 58 years.

@KNOWITALL It partly depends where you are. When in Rome do as the Romans.

Where I come from we sometimes ask how someone prefers to be addressed. I have to say the entire time I lived in the South I never heard someone do that, and when I was in discussions about this type of topic regarding children, Southerners didn’t care if I told a child they can call me JL, they still insisted their child call me Miss JL, AND they taught their child to address adults Miss JL right off the bat. What if I preferred Ms. Lastname? One friend told me if I corrected a child to call me Ms. Lastname that would be seen as uppity.

Once in a while Miss Firstname is used up North, and place like Florida. I hear it in pre-schools and with other very young children. It’s so interesting these various customs.

@JLeslie Yes, even in church we called the teachers or any familiar adult Miss Barb or Mr Bob, but that is more familiarity than Ma’am or Sir, which is more formal or respectful (to me.)

Another one that you may find interesting is calling your good friends sis or bub (here anyway.) One of my younger friends asked why I called her sis sometimes, and I explained that since I had known her from child to adult, that she felt like family so it was just redneck custom. On occasion I’ll call text a close friend, how’s it going brudda, or something like that. May seem odd to some people, but it’s a term of affection.

@KNOWITALL See, I think you are actually reinforcing why ma’am or sir is odd when addressing a parent. Parents, grandparents, sisters, FAMILY, should be the people you use affectionate words with most of all, and there people are calling close friends sister and brother basically, but addressing their Mommy and Daddy as ma’am or sir? It makes no sense to me. I don’t mean you personally aren’t making sense, I mean the custom. But, customs don’t always make sense. It says to me it is to reinforce the parents are in charge, and the children have little say. I would guess it stems from religion, but above someone also mentioned it’s done in Britain, and it might be from royalty and commoners maybe also. I’m just guessing.

I use “girls” when referring to female friends, but that seems out of favor now. When I lived in the South I was afraid to use girl, especially with black people, I was afraid they would be offended. Which brings me to the other reason “Miss Scarlet” and “yes ma’am” sound especially odd to me when said with a Southern accent. It sounds from the time when people were slaves or had less freedoms.

Perhaps you’ve never been out of the South.

^^Who?

@JLeslie Sure, it does reinforce that, and I can see how that could seem odd to you.

Remember, here corporal punishment is normal and still practiced, you have to opt in or out of corporal punishment in school, and many still opt in.

@KNOWITALL Depends on the part of the state. That was another thing my teacher friend did to me. She said, “detention seems to work just as well as corporal punishment.” That actually was when I first learned corporal punishment still happens in public schools in America. This conversation happened about ten years ago. I couldn’t believe it. Memphis schools eventually stopped corporal punishment, a lot of people voiced their disapproval that they got rid of it. MS schools still had the option, just as you described. I’m not sure about other school districts in TN. I never went to a school with corporal punishment. I knew some of the Catholic schools did it when I was a kid. The entire idea of a teacher or school administrator hitting someone else’s child is beyond me. I can’t imagine it.

Anyway, you’re just reinforcing the stereotype. Obedience, corporal punishment, ma’am and sir. I think it discourages children from being creative and curious.