How should I handle this mother-in-law situation?

Stay out of this issue. She does not have any obligation to send any word or visit her grandchildren. It’s not like her grandson is pining for her attention anyway. If he is already happy without his grandma’s interference then just let it be.

No obligation? That’s cold. How do you know my son doesn’t want a relationship with his grandmother? Are you a fortune teller? wtf?

fyi- my son cares and he notices who has asked about him.

^That might sound harsh but it’s the reality. I did not know whether or not he seach for his grandma’s attention. You did not mention about him wanting any attention from grandma in the question so I assumed the issue won’t affect him at all.

I will also assume that his grandma has been been told about this situation but decided not to do anything. So? What do you want to do? Yell at her that she is a very cold-hearted grandma? It is more wise to leave people to their own issue, especially if it is an internal family drama. He is a grown man and should have no problem to handle this issue all by himself (if the issue really bothers him that much).

You know what they say about assumptions. Your reality is not the same as mine.

^this make me think, why don’t you call his grandma and cajole her to do something for her grandson? If you do that in the first place there’s no more useless worrying about the issue. If she really does not want to have anything to do with the issue then it is the end of the line.

It’s your husband’s job to call up his mom and talk to her about his grandson. Or have your son call up grandma and talk to her. Other than that, there’s nothing you can do.

Anger and hurt often comes from all the “shoulds” in our minds. My MIL “should” be asking about her grandchild. Knowing this can sometimes help us not have so many expectations, and not be disappointed so much.

Does your MIL do things for your son that show she loves him and enjoys his presence? If so, don’t let one expectation you have destroy all the good she does for your son.

People are imperfect. One day you won’t get around to doing something that you probably “should” and you will want people to not hold it against you.

Does your husband feel the same as you on this?

Have you or your husband called your MIL with the state of health updates? Maybe she is offended you don’t report to her directly, since she is the grandmother. I’m not saying you “should” be doing that, I’m saying she might be let down as well, because of the “shoulds” in her mind.

I’m just guessing at things. Obviously, I don’t know the whole situation.

Is your son going to be ok? Nothing worse than worrying about one’s child.

Let it go. It’s simply a case of “out of sight—out of mind”. Some very good people are guilty of this & your D I L simply has the advantage of being underfoot and thus harvesting all the attention. People can be notoriously insensitive, and you almost certainly would remedy this particular insult by merely mentioning it to your M I L. But then you would be basking in the behavior generated by guilt, a very unsatisfying prospect. Better to suck it up and accept her for who she is. Unless you believe this slight to be deliberate (and you apparently don’t) let it go, but it file it to avoid future disappointments. Take solace in her role in rearing your perfect husband & hope that she’ll come through when you REALLY need her.

You need to not be hurt here. Your son’s relationship with his grandmother is a casualty of your husband’s falling out with his sister. You really do not know what is happening with his mother if all you see are Facebook posts.

If you are concerned about getting her more involved in your child’s life, express that to your husband. He can contact her and invite he to come to your house for a visit. He can set up regular times for her to interact with your son, perhaps through SKYPE or Facetime. That is where you should focus your efforts: on working with your husband, whose mother and family it is, to attempt to mend some fences.

FB is not life. I don’t care if you want to hear that or not. Call your family members and have real conversations.

Jellies, @Katya has already terminated her Fluther membership. She asked a question; @Unofficial_Member took the time to think about the issue and post a comment; @Katya didn’t like the answer, argued about it, and stormed off.

I’ve been on the receiving end of this sort of situation – someone doesn’t get the answer that he/she wanted and gets angry.

My goodness… Should I feel guilty? I have never made someone leave this site before and I certainly did not intend to do that. I was probably too direct and realistic with my post.

@Love_my_doggie thank you for letting us know.

^^^ I didn’t find your comments to be too direct or blunt. You spoke briefly and tersely, but that’s how I, too, like to communicate.

This sort of thing happens at Fluther. Some people come here looking for approval and affirmation (i.e. for us to tell them what they want to hear).

Some people come here looking for support when they are struggling and hurting. A little compassion goes a long way. Being blunt and terse in a time of need is not helpful.

@Love_my_doggie Your responses here are quite the opposite from your response here: https://www.fluther.com/208115/why-is-suicide-becoming-more-common/#quip3464641

“I didn’t find your comments to be too direct or blunt. You spoke briefly and tersely, but that’s how I, too, like to communicate. This sort of thing happens at Fluther. Some people come here looking for approval and affirmation (i.e. for us to tell them what they want to hear).”

Was @Katya not worthy of some compassion? Having a child in the hospital while dealing with family strife deserves terse words? Do you only choose who is worthy of compassion? You think @Katya came here for people to agree with her? You don’t think she needed help? She fucking asked for help to get over her pain. If having a child in the hospital isn’t worthy of compassion I don’t know what is. Go ahead and continue being terse. That’s really helpful to those in desperate need.~