Parents: how to teach kids not to be selfish with money?

I’m not a parent, but my mom would literally take my money away from me if I ever even let her see me think about being selfish, while growing up. In your situation, my mother probably would teach me a lesson about being charitable and make me donate the toys to a local charity.

you show them by example. But then again, if you deprive them of money, there is no longer an issue.

That would have seriously annoyed me. I would make it clear to the 11 year old that this was not what the money was for and I would take her with me while I attempted to get my money back. If that was impossible I would make sure she came with me when I donated the toys to charity as @KNOWITALL says.

This is very disappointing behaviour.

The next time she “needs” something, take her to a thrift shop. There will be a lot of pouting and maybe a tantrum, but you can have a good talk after about empathy, value, generosity, and gratitude.

@dinuguan And tbh, our society has taught the little’s they are entitled. From $400 PS4’s to $1000 cell phones at age 8, how can we expect them to understand without parental guidance. Society sure isn’t doing it for you, they’re marketing to 8–15 yr olds now because they have mom and dad’s disposable income! Crazy!

You know your daughter better than a bunch of fools on Fluther. But it would seem that you need to find a way to not reward her for breaking the rules. Don’t let her keep the $30. You didn’t give it to her to buy toys, you gave it to her to treat her aunt to a dinner. OR…make her earn the money in the future. Let her learn early how hard it can be to earn a few dollars. Then she may grow to know a better respect for how it is spent and the value of what she gets for it.

One method I heard of which my kids were already too old to use on is to divide every bit of money they get into three jars. One is for them to spend, one is to save and the third is for charity. Good habits to get into and makes the point.

Did your sister refuse the money? Or, did your daughter never offer? There is a huge difference. If we assume she did not even offer to pay for something then two things are going on here.

One, she has a tight grip on that money for selfish reasons. Two, she did not do as she was told by you with the money, which means she basically stole the money. She was to be the intermediary to get the money to the right place as you dictated, and instead she swiped it.

I’d take the money back, tell her the money was given to her to pay for her aunt’s meal, and not for her to keep.

I’d point out her aunt has been spending money to take care of her, and that the appropriate thing to do is to reciprocate.

If I’m understanding the situation right.

Other money, money that is gifted to her, I would focus on saving more than anything. Teaching her to be giving I would do by example more than anything. Let her see you pick up the check, give to charity, and help others in other ways. Not that she can’t use some of her money to be giving. One idea is for her to choose a gift for a child for Christmas with one of the organizations that give gifts to the less fortunate with her money after saving all year.

I think your original idea was just fine. Giving her money so she could treat her aunt, or pay for something herself while with her aunt. If your sister possibly told her to keep her money, then next time let your sister in on the exercise so she accepts it from her niece.

Lighten up a little, she’s 11 years old. You gave her the money. Anything given to you has no value. So she forgot to offer it up for the dinner. I’m not sure I’d go to far for not learning a lesson that had yet to be taught. Then you expected her to hold on to the money and not spend it. Hell that is the lesson your trying to teach her but have yet to provide any example.

11 years old is still a kid. If you want to teach her something explain it first then see if she gets it.

@Jaxk Totally disagree. I knew at 5 yrs old I shouldn’t take a piece of gum from a store through a lesson. I cried, it hurt my feelings, but I learned. 11 is in no way too young to learn a lesson imo.

Let her use her own money not give it to her.
Have her earn it like an allowance for doing chores around the home etc
I would had got her a savings acct so that she learns to save some,spend some and give some to charity.(thirds).
Anything expensive that she wants she has to save it and therefore appreciate from where it came from..her own efforts of saving.