Does a restraining order include telecommunication and social media?

That would have to be in the order. Talk to a lawyer.

Where do I begin? I’ve never done this.

@Tropical_Willie Thanks for the information.

Confiscate the kids phone until you have it straight. Tell the kid it needs to be taken to your provider or something, if you don’t want to be truthful.

Lawyer up. Sad that it’s because of family, but you aren’t the first to need legal counseling in regards to a family member. You may need to start by contacting the police. Not 911, but just speak with an officer. They can give you more advice specific to your state, and local laws.

BTW. I hope your child realizes all the sacrifices, and thought you put into being a good parent. Even if you aren’t perfect, it’s obvious that you are trying really hard. Kudos. And good luck.

Go to your county’s website and look up restraining orders. There are civil and criminal ROs, and they’re based on different complaints, but a “no contact” order means no contact.

You may even be able to download the forms and see what filling them out feels like. They can seem incredibly invasive and can call for supplying detailed documentation. Whatever you put on those forms you may also have to say aloud before a judge in a courtroom, explaining in compelling detail exactly why you require the protection of the law.

My advice would be to exhaust all other avenues before making a family matter the business of a court. Once that machine starts rolling, it can be hard to stop.

If you do have to have recourse to a legal restraint, be sure that someone who understands the process and its ramifications is advising you. And be prepared to spend some money.

Maybe someone who has undergone family arbitration could tell you what that’s like and whether it would be better to try that sort of intervention before seeking a RO.

Thank you. Our son and I have lost all respect for these relatives because of these actions. I can’t forgive.I’m prepared for legal action. You don’t mess with children because of a disagreement between adults.

Is some type of evidence needed or is a claim enough to start the process?

The RO application will ask for specific instances that support your request. Your county website will probably provide all the detail you need.

@MrGrimm888 I hope your child realizes all the sacrifices, and thought you put into being a good parent. Even if you aren’t perfect,

He does. He’s wise beyond his years. He feels duped by his aunts. He has told me several times just today how amazing I am. He doesn’t deserve this.

Alright. Yall seem resourceful, and innovative. I’m sure you’ll weather this storm as any other.

We do our best. We are grateful for a wonderful support system. That includes Fluther.

There comes a time, when we all need a tentacle to lean on;)

Is it an idea, befóre going the legal route, to break as much as possible ways of interaction between them and you and your child (erase contact information from phones, unfriend in Facebook/Insta/Whathaveyou)?

I’m pretty sure no contact ordered by the court would include no contact on social media or phone calls.

Have you asked/told your sister not to contact your son in any way? I would first try doing it without the courts I think, and if they don’t take it seriously then take action, but you know better than me whether that will seem like too much of a risk. Going through the court will have its own set of stressors, but if it makes your family feel safer it might be worth it.

I don’t know what your sister and SIL said, but do they understand now it was abusive? Do they have any insight?

This seems like such a shame considering they, being lesbians, probably at least have some understanding regarding some of the difficulties your son is going through, but I might be totally wrong about that. Everyone is different.

I don’t know the specifics in this case but the best outcome might be if your sister and wife recognised the hurt they have caused and apologised for it.

If you have blocked access to your son from these relatives, I suggest it might be a waste of your resources and energy that could be used better elsewhere Changing his life to somewhere more positive is what to focus on (which I know you are working on.) . By blocking them you have already restricted their access to him on social media.

@Aethelwine

There are a lot of firms out there that offer low-cost, or even pro bono legal aid. Many of them specialize in family law. If I recall correctly you’re here in Illinois, right? If so this might help – http://www.illinoisattorneygeneral.gov/about/probono.html

I did tell my SIL to not contact him and mentioned how he doesn’t believe they love him because of their actions. I told her he lost respect for them and that he has support from other family members.

They are blocked from social media and they live 5 hours away, so we won’t be running into them. This is all still fresh and raw. Hopefully they’ve thought about their actions and they won’t contact him by text.

It’s good to know my options though. I’ll leave it be for now and focus on the good things coming our way. Thanks for the help and suggestions. You guys are the best.

@Aethelwine, the consequences of an action such as an RO within a family are long-lasting and have many hidden dimensions. It’s a pretty drastic step and shouldn’t be undertaken in haste or in the grip of sudden emotional turmoil unless someone is in immediate danger of physical harm. That’s my opinion. I’m glad to see that you are wise enough to look for alternatives that might be as effective without costing you so much.

It could be, for example (and I don’t know the answer to this), that as the protected party, your son would have to be the one to testify in court, describing the abuse, etc. Be sure that’s something you’re ready for if you proceed.

One other thing: you speak about the aunts as if they were indistinguishable, a single unit. Has everything been coming from them in duplicate, or are you really talking about just one of them?

@Jeruba I’m speaking about both. They have been together for 10 years and my sister isn’t the same since they’ve been together. Her wife is very controlling and manipulative. My SIL was the cause of my mother and sister not speaking to each other. My sister disowned my dad for some time because he said something negative about her wife. My sister has lost friends because of her wife. Now me. They both angrily lashed out at me, then said things to my son knowing it would hurt him.

I’m so sorry this has happened. You absolutely don’t need this negativity in your life right now.
Your decision to just cut them out of your life now is a good one. You need peace where you can find it.

Maybe let them know that you found their actions extremely painful and unforgivable and if they attempt to contact you or your son any further you will seek out a restraining order. That will likely be enough of a deterrent to keep them out of your lives without actually having to go through the process.

Safe to assume your sis & her wife aren’t open to be spoken to directly to explain the situation/damage???

You really should go directly to a lawyer to get the best results. I think you can get a restraining order which limits how close they may come near the child. I’m fairly sure that you can request that phone calls be specifically included & even have it stated that there is to be NO contact of any kind!!! I don’t know the specifics & that’s why you should speak with a lawyer. I don’t know about where you live; but the lawyers here will speak with you for free to learn the circumstances (approx 1 hr) & will explain what you will need to do & then quote you a price of what it will take to take care of your problem.

Good luck…I hate it when family creates the problems!!!

I’m thinking it would be pretty extreme to think your sister doesn’t love your son. Children not feeling liked or loved can be incredibly damaging, so my tendency would be to not let Ethan think that, but rather that she simply did something upsetting. Sometimes love is not enough, I know that.

You might be able to suspend contact for a while without a total cut off with forever consequences. Are you going to explain to your sister what is going on?

Did Ethan previously have a good relationship with your sister? Is she supportive of his transition? I worry Ethan is isolated and lonely already, and if he loved spending time with his aunt previously. If so, then you may want to leave an open door.

I don’t know what was said, so obviously what I am saying here might be way off.

I’d like to thank everyone again. I decided to not go this route and just cut off all contact for now.

@JLeslie He was very close with my sister and they chatted quite a bit. This is why it’s so hurtful for him. He wants nothing to do with her now. I can’t forgive her for putting him in harm’s way when he is emotionally unstable. We have wonderful support elsewhere so that’s what we’re focusing on.