When you had people in to babysit your kids, did you try to micromanage how they behaved with your kids, or did you tell them just do whatever works for you (with some parameters, like no hitting)?

I usually just tell them where the dog food and the whips are.

We usually took the kiddos with us when we’d go somewhere. Unless my parents or hers volunteered to sit. We figured if grandparents had to spank it’s all in the family anyway. But I can’t recall any issues. Prior to that my previous girlfriend and I would use the same approach. But we usually took her baby boy with us as well. He was super bonded with me for some reason..and call me a sap but I couldn’t bear for us to go out and leave him with a sitter. So he’d go with me and his mommy.

So one of you got to be a stay at home parent?

She did I had to work. In both instances.

I once hired a teenage boy. He said he had lots of siblings he took care of all the time. So, I left him to it, with a number where I could be reached.
When I got home, he was tummy to the floor playing giggles with my baby.
On the table was a list, how many ounces per feeding, and times.
How many diapers, and were they just wet, or more.
Message, one phone call received.
He was great. I only needed him the one time.

I don’t have kids, but I used to babysit a lot.

Most parents told me what time was their bedtime and the bedtime ritual if I was watching the kids at night. They left a list of phone numbers in case of emergency. Otherwise, I didn’t get much instruction.

One time parents were upset I painted their daughter’s nails. They told me the next time I arrived to watch their three kids so I wouldn’t do it again. They also were the stingiest of all the parents who paid me. I stopped watching their kids after one more time.

I never had a parent tell me don’t hit my kids. That would have shocked me I must admit. it never would occur to me to hit someone’s child. I think that was partly because of where I lived growing up. The only hitting we ever heard about was a ruler in parochial school. I could see making a point to say it if I was living in a part of the country that thinks the problem with kids today is parents don’t hit their kids. I’ve lived in those parts of the country too.

By “hit,” I meant spankings or swats. Those were pretty common in my day.

Yeah, my DIL started trying to micromanage how I interacted with my then 2 (almost 3) year old grandson, when I was watching him 5 days a week, for half days, absolutely free. I didn’t even ask for gas money. When she suddenly decided to crack the whip (probably due to insecurities) and said, “No naps and no discipline!” I thought for a long time and finally emailed her and said, “I can not care for Cooper under those restrictions. I quit.” This was on the Sunday when Spring Break started so she had a week to find a replacement.
Well, she decided to take him to work with her (she worked in a daycare for the school district)...whereupon he was promptly kicked out, like, on the 3rd day. (Yeah, let me know how that ‘no naps, no discipline’ parenting philosophy works for you kids.)

Kicked out of day care. So cute.

I know you meant spanked.

It was not cute. He shoved a smaller kid so hard she fell down and smacked her head on the floor. It just makes me want to cry because he has the potential to be the sweetest child on the planet, like his Dad was…but he’s being raised with so much anger and stupidity and lashing out….My daughter describes him as “an angry Chris.”

I’m sorry to hear that.

It was all bad. She was also removed from a doctor’s waiting room because of his behavior.