Why are those who are knowledgeable in certain subjects shunned by some in the community?

I would think that knowledge is not the reason for being “shunned.” But I’m not fully understanding the question maybe. That is, I’m unsure of the incident the OP is referencing.

There are big emotional differences in perspective between gender identity issues and fixing a generator.
And presentation is a factor. You must admit, @Aethelwine, that your anger at everyone, not so long ago, would affect how they respond to you.

I don’t think having a disagreement or nasty exchange with another Jelly constitutes shunning. It’s a disagreement or nasty exchange. And I also doubt that people are shunned, if they are, for their expertise but maybe for other aspects of how they present. (This is in reference to the veteran whom you mention.).

As an expert in avian formality, I have felt completely accepted – most of the time – by non-avian Jellies, which is not to say we always agree..

@aethelwine I am very disappointed in you. I have known you forever and known a lot of what you and your family have gone through. Your skin has to be thick by now. Do not let a few dictate your usage on Fluther. There are a couple of people on here that I don’t even read what they post, questions or answers, and that way I am not bothered by them.
Those of us that love and support you will always continue to do so.

If someone doesn’t agree with you, you seem to get quite upset. I’ve noticed that from just watching the drama here, not personal interaction. I normally don’t bother answering because I don’t do strife. That’s not shunning.

I’m an expert at quite a few things that I’ve rarely if ever been “acknowledged” for on Fluther. I don’t care. I’m not here for that anyway.

I would add, that threads like this don’t seem to help anything. We seem to get over a rough spot, then a thread pulls the scab off, and here we are again…

The main thing that I’ve learned in my lifetime is that we ALL are experts in what we’ve personally experienced!!! However, many feel they know exactly how others feel or should act & have NEVER experienced the situation…ONLY think they know how they would have responded/reacted. The truth is that most people have NO CLUE what they would do UNLESS they have actually experienced it!!!

I’ve found it to be common among people in general that they fear what they don’t understand!!! Instead of trying to participate in discussions where something that makes them uncomfortable in order to learn new things…much like an Ostrich, they stick their heads in the sand…or even attack to get the OP to drop the subject so they don’t have to face their discomfort!!!

I know when I first joined Fluther that I met some wonderfully welcoming people who made me feel at home. Then there were the Fluther bullies who felt that they were in charge & made it their goal in life to teach me my place. I had planned to leave then realized that I was allowing myself to be bullied & I DON’T accept being bullied. So, I regrouped & returned!!! Now, that I’ve learned who the bullies are, I just don’t swim with them. I don’t participate in their Q’s & I don’t allow them to engage me when they attack. Now my time here is back to being fun!!!

Fluther can be as cruel as it can be nice!!! Much like real life, you just need to pick & choose who you allow into your life!!! The harder they try to push you away, the closer in you should become. They are trying to pass on THEIR stress but you DO NOT “have to accept” it!!!

You should be an advocate for your child & their struggles…NOT an advocate for those who do NOT understand!!!

You’re going to be told that you’re wrong for speaking your mind on this subject. As I said earlier, people fear what they don’t understand!!!

@Aethelwine As one of those who initially welcomed me to Fluther…HUGGGGG. If you need to unload, you know where to find me!!!

Please don’t take this as an attack on the community. I’m also not angry. That was not the imtention of my question. I’m sorry I didn’t express my intentions well.

Emotional differences as explained by @canidmajor answers my question. Thank you.

I should have left out my knowledge of certain issues and just kept my first example but I thought two examples would be more helpful. I wasn’t trying to make this about me and any beef I may have with a user or two.

Thanks for explaining, @Aethelwine.

Oh – that is clearer. As for the general question, like @LadyMarissa I try to stay away from the people who push my buttons. I think there sometimes is a combination of the pusher and the pushee and we all have to figure out what provokes us too much if we want to stay. I don’t consider myself a bully, but I can be sharp at times. I am working on that.

@LadyMarissa gave some wonderful advice. Very helpful! I’m glad you decided to stay.

I think people have disagreements more than anything. I don’t think you were shunned, but I think you have been intertwined with some uproar in our collective.

I do know some of what you feel though, I have had jellies literally tell me to leave fluther, tell me they are sick of me in medical Q’s, assume I’m a Trump supporter and blast me, when I was only trying to give the perspective of the Trump supporters, or pick another topic besides Trump where I have tried to shed light on both sides and I’m ganged up on.

In the end, I just have to decide if I want to deal with it or not. I have gone to the mods a couple of times in the many years I’ve been here, but mostly I don’t care to get them involved and I prefer not to have answers deleted usually. I almost always want the horribleness said to me to stay up there.

I think LadyMarissa is right that no one knows what it’s really like to be in someone else’s shoes.

I would also say that when people are hurt or angry or afraid they usually aren’t as good at listening, and I think that’s true for almost everyone.

I think when we are afraid, we forget the other person might be afraid too. Or, that the other person in their mind is trying to help you.

Because being an “expert” doesn’t mean that yours is the only perspective. Sometimes people who do have more knowledge about a subject will act as if they have the final say on everything to do with that subject when it’s not necessarily true, and they come off as condescending and dismissive of everyone else. I also agree that when it comes to something like transgender issues, there’s a lot more emotional investment than expertise in mathematics or car repair. If someone argues with a person on math or science, they won’t be personally offended like they might be if someone argues with them on trans issues.

Sometimes when someone says something incorrect about a subject I know a lot about (like history) my internal reaction is “let me school you, idiot” but if I respond that way, I’ll certainly be shunned or worse. It has more to do with how you share your expertise than with the expertise itself.

It has more to do with how you share your expertise than with the expertise itself.

I understand. The veteran who left was calm until a couple users became verbally abusive and told him he had no authority to speak. They asked for his credentials. His time here should have been enough for them. They were very cruel to him.

I offered a link with helpful information the other day and asked a user to please not use a specific term because it’s demeaning. That unleashed a rant by that user. I do have helpful information to share but I don’t feel comfortable sharing it here anymore. If I see a parent or person asking for help I’ll just message that person from now on and not make it public for others to chastise me and tell me I have no authority to speak on the subject. Lesson learned. @LadyMarissa is right. I need to learn to ignore some people. Thanks.

You’re learning! Good for you!

I private message people here all the time because a lot of the things I might say on a question would turn into a shit storm and derail the conversation entirely.

I’m clueless about all of this. But the veteran sounds familiar. Perhaps a couple of years back. You’re telling us you were dised here for your gender identity?

Well. Fluther isn’t a professional information site. Nor does it make any such claims.

A person asking for advice on a subject, shouldn’t require any credentials. Unless a jelly is claiming facts. If it’s opinion, there should be no problems.

I like to hash out my issues on the pertinent thtead. That way, others can observe the outcome, or even fact check, or chime in.

I suppose there are exceptions, but I prefer things to be done in public view.

That would eliminate a lot of rumors, and such about PMing, and other social media…

Just my thoughts…

Peace n love Fluther.

@LadyMarissa You’re one of the wisest jellies in this here tidepool.

You were not acknowledging the fact that there may be cultural or regional differences, or that many of us disagreed with your ‘fact’.

Just because Queer is okay to call your friends in Cali-again, it will get your butt beat in the Midwest, or maybe up north.

There are not a lot of absolutes across the world/ country, and many of you state them as fact, when that’s simply your perspective.

@stanleymanly My child is transgender. If I share information about the LGBTQ community I often get backlash from a conservative member or two. They like to tell me I can’t speak for the LGBTQ community. They get defensive
and then remind everyone they have that one gay friend. It’s like saying “I have a black friend, so I understand their struggle.” smh

The same thing happened with a former long time member who has experience with mental illness. Two users gave him a very difficult time when he was trying to help someone and they asked for credentials. They were cruel to this user and they drove him away.

@2davidc8 I agree! :)

@Aethelwine What’s the difference if you have one trans child and I have one trans friend? That makes your opinions more valid than mine?

I like you and your intentions, and I agree with you often. On this, I think you are taking offense to something that was not meant to be offensive, but was a valid question by another jelli.

Shoot, how many times have i tried to explain the Red pov and get called a racist, a Trump lover, every name in the book. And that doesn’t include the constant mocking of religious beliefs. I understand your frustration, but that still doesn’t mean you’re right 100% of the time on all LGBTQ threads/ posts.

@Knowitall It is a fact that the term lifestyle when regarding the LGBTQ community is used by conservatives to suggest they chose who they are. I shared a link from GLAAD. This is not an opinion. I am not talking about the word queer. When you have a child with a high chance of self harm or harm by others because of how they are treated by conservatives you’d understand, but you don’t.

I asked the mods to remove this question. I’m hurting terribly and did not intend to cause an uproar in the community. I’m sorry. @canidmajor gave me the answer I was looking for.

@KNOWITALL I lean more conservative than most users here and I agree with you more than I agree with many others here. And I understand your gripes about mocking religious beliefs. So if you want people to be sensitive to your opinions as a Christian and the language they use about religion and Christians, why can’t you be the same way about LGBT people and the language used about them?

Yes it does @knowitall

omfg, I’m not talking about queer

I’m interested in a working definition of “shunned”. I mean disagreement is to be expected And rejecting the ideas of others is fairly common fare here. It’s the thought of deliberately setting out to hurt someone’s feelings that crosses the line.

@JLeslie I’ll defend my LGBTQ friends anytime, anywhere against anyone. Maybe @Aethelwine doesn’t mean to be so rigid, because she’s schooled me on Lifestyle usage before, we discussed it and we were good, so I thought. But now it’s the same issue with another jelli, who probably had no negative intentions either, we are both from the Midwest, too.

@Aethelwine I’m sorry you’re hurting, I don’t believe anyone intended to hurt you, but regardless I’m sure your pain is real and I hate that for you.

@Demosthenes Since @Aethelwine told me it offended her, the lifestyle verbiage, I haven’t used it. Unlike many here about religion, I don’t intentionally try to hurt people or mock things they hold dear. And if my gay friend says Queer is still very offensive, I’ll take their word over a stranger from another state on a website ha!

@KNOWITALL Sounds fair. Different people are okay with different things. I’ve met gay guys who refer to themselves as “faggot”, but many who would never do that. There are terms that are more likely to be offensive and some that are less likely, but it still comes down to the individual.

It seems obvious to me that @Aethelwine was going through a very emotionally fragile moment when she wrote this. One that seems to have pushed her over the edge enough that she has chosen to leave us. Three hours ago the account was there. I spent 2 hours crafting a PM to try to speak with her & when I hit send, the account was gone. So, I guess this discussion is a moot point for everyone but her & her family!!!

She sometimes does that to step away for a bit, and take a breather. It’s an effective way for her to not keep going in circles on a topic.
She does it with some frequency, she’ll likely be back soon.

So, that makes it OK???

Of course it’s OK! Choosing to step back rather than escalate is always OK! To take a little space in the midst of fraught times is a good idea. Think about it. This format affords that option, don’t you wish we had that option in real life sometimes?

@canid I want to talk to her though, because squabbling here doesnt matter much, but a friend in pain is very different. Now I dont know if I should leave her be or try social media.

She may be lurking, she may see what you just said. If you are in contact on social media, by all means, do what you think is appropriate.

Nobody likes a smartass a common failing of the English speaking world