Dear Fluther family; can you give me suggestions on how to entertain my dad's wife when she comes to visit in mid July?

What do you mean by “upper class mentality”? I’m not being snarky, I honestly don’t know.
If she enjoyed the camping, why not do it again?
Otherwise, the BBQ sounds like a nice idea. Can you do both? Camping one night, BBQ the next?

Do not take her to the zoo in this heat. Are you trying to kill her? Also I would not show a movie outside. It’s too hot for that too.
Maybe she just wants to visit and not really go anywhere outside where it’s hot.

If she liked camping before, maybe take the BBQ on the road (for a day trip rather than overnight)? I am picturing a place by a river or lake with that gazebo.

That’s the first thing that comes to my mind because I’ve been bicycling up and down the 18 mile lakefront path here a lot in the past week, and see so many families and bigger groups camped out in the shade with grills, lawn chairs, blankets, awnings.

Some really elaborate setups with tents and professional grills. And sometimes just a family with beach towels and a $15 charcoal grill from Walgreens.

I really like to see people making little adventures rather than staying home.

Well, when I asked her the first time @canidmajorm she said, “Well, I’ve heard of that…but I don’t believe I’ve ever been camping!” So that was something new. And it was fun. But I don’t think it would be fun for a second time. She’s just not a woodsy kind of girl. By “Upper class mentality,” I meant when she married my dad she turned into a judgemental snob! But after he died I saw a nicer, kinder, more open and friendly side coming out. It’s been 10 years and she’s nothing like she used to be…but it’s still lurking there.

@chyna depends on how hot. Some days aren’t SO bad. And she is from Florida. It’s not hot in the evenings. We’ll have to play the outdoor stuff by ear. Yeah, and the zoo wouldn’t be any fun without kids.

@Call_Me_Jay that is really a GREAT idea! We could set up at the lake for a day picnic! We could even pull the camper out there for the AC and whatever else she may want. I’ll think about that.

How about finding out what is going on in the area during that time and asking her if she is interested in any of them? Ask her what she would like to do. She may have a suggestion. At minimum, at least she will know that you are thinking about her.

Will there be a farmer’s market to visit? Any flea markets? New movies out? Any films she would like to see and you could borrow or rent? Any concerts or plays taking place? Are there any historical or tourist sites nearby?

It would help if I knew the kids were going to be a part of it all.

I’ll keep my eyes open for things going on in Wichita during that week.

“Upper class mentality”, do you mean she doesn’t drink her Bud Light out of the can? ;>0

Zoos can be fun, bring water and sun screen.

No. Wine only. She just…isn’t a spontaneous kind of person. She’s very intent on her presentation and how she appears to others. Things Must Be A Certain Way. Boy, when my oldest was a few months old I went to make her a bottle. It was one of those with the disposable liner. Well, I was out of the liners. Kathy was just aghast when I substituted a a baggie…like the kind you put sandwiches in! “That is not what those are made for!” Of course, it worked perfectly.

The Zoo would be cool…if the kids were there. If the kids are there, anything we do will be special! Hanging out in the back yard would be special.

Why don’t you talk to the kids ahead of the visit and see if they will commit to being available at least one of the days? I love @Call_Me_Jay ‘s idea of a picnic by the lake and bringing the camper for indoor relief part of the time sounds wonderful! Dinner out one night? Are there some museums in Wichita or are you near Lawrence for things at the university?

We are nowhere near Lawrence. I don’t know about Wichita. I’ll have to look. I just mainly want family and I know Kathy does too. But when you get such fucking emotionally unstable people in your family there is just no predicting.

@Dutchess_III I get ya. We all have to cope with that stuff but if you talk to your kids ahead of time maybe it will help. I do think having some alternatives, as you asked for, is a good idea.

Sorry for the rant. :/ I’m trying to bring the kids in on the decision making and they just keep acting all passive aggressive. My son, I kind of understand it because he’s just good with whatever! But the girls are different and I can’t get any help or any commitment.
I will really have to take a new look at Wichita. Maybe they’ve added some cool stuff in the 20 years since I lived there.

I wouldn’t worry. You are concerned enough that she have a good time that she can’t help but be appreciative. Hope it goes well for everyone.

Trip to a haunted house.

Go hiking. Pick a very hot day.

She could help you with your garden for a couple of days and then maybe the two of you could get those bedrooms painted….............

You don’t really want her to come back soon, do ya?

BTW, you don’t really have to consider her acquired upper class mentality, whatever the hell that is.

;)

Of course I do @https.://i.fluther.com/users/MollyMcGuire/ I consider as much as possible when I have guests, even my own kids. I’m not going to schedule an event that I think she’ll hate, even if it’s something I’d love (like a float trip.)

Okay, so let’s recap here based upon the statements made so far.

* The step-mother is attending this family event, and you want to make sure that she has an enjoyable time.
* The other family members have not committed to attending or not yet.

- How about setting a deadline for confirmation? After all, you’ll want to plan meals and beds based upon who and when are coming and going.
– Research and send out a list of possible activities, and ask those that plan to attend what they would like to do.
– Ask the step-mom what she would like to do during this time. She may have suggestions that you haven’t considered. It might even be to hang out; problem solved.
– Consider that you don’t have to have the whole time planned out with activities.

Hot air balloon ride? Is there a water park nearby? Slip and slide events in your back yard. You can do it with a long wet tarp and some large donut floats. Great if you have a slope near by and you don’t mind using a lot of water or getting your back yard wet. and maybe losing some grass. Fun for people of all ages and everyone stays cool. Play volley ball as the sun is going down. Rent some canopies. I like the outdoor movie idea but keep in mind the bugs will like it too in the evening.

Get her into solitary storm chasing.

I went to TripAdvisor and below is some things that interested me. I don’t know if she would be interested. Only way to know is ask. That is if you’re interested. The zoo got very good reviews, but if it’s very hot you might not want to do it. Same with the botanical garden and a park. Although, I’m sure the parks have shaded areas, and with kids along that could be really nice. Especially, if there is some sort of boat ride. I always like a boat ride.

Frank Lloyd Wright’s Allen house.

Botanical Garden

Witchita Sedgwick County Historical Museum.

She might be happy just hanging out at the house. Especially, if the kids visit. You could just plan lunch or dinner out one day and walk around where there are some shops.

I have friends and family who want to explore and experience everything they can when they visit, and others that want to do nothing.

The people who love exploring usually look some stuff up themselves, which is great.

Edit: if it’s hot a movie might work. Do you have one of those fancy dinner and a movie places?

That movie is out about the true story of the CIA agent who was a professional baseball player and spoke multiple languages and was integral during WWII. I’m planning on seeing that one. I don’t know what else is playing.

@All….something to consider is the family event is in HER honor. She’s not just attending. She’s coming to visit from Florida. She tries to make it every year. So her likes and dislikes are really paramount.

The one thing that I have set firm is the dinner in Ponca. As for the rest….like water fun, that will really only work if the kids are here. She’s 68, and I can’t see her on a slip and slide. She’s not into athletics, like volley ball…I don’t think I could play that either!

It seems like when we visited them, decades ago, their main thing was taking us to dinner in historic places in Georgia….

I’ll look into botanical gardens. I’ve been wanting to go myself.

Thanks. I’ll get busy. (Too bad we don’t live in KC….there is a TON of stuff to do there!)

OK. I did some checking in Wichita…as I guessed, ain’t much going on there!
They have a botanical garden there that’s new to me, but they have one that’s even closer to where I live.

They have Exploration Place, which is AWESOME!! It’s a kid’s thing and it is awesome. We took the twins there for their 3rd birthday. Not sure how awesome it would be without the kids, though.

Then there is something I had never heard of before…a Museum of World Treasures. That sounds interesting, and I’ve never been there.

So…it we have the kids it’s Exploration Place.
If no kids it’s the Museum of World Treasures.

The rest of the time will be just hanging out, playing it by ear.

Thanks for the help!

Perhaps some of these places are close to you. https://www.atlasobscura.com/things-to-do/kansas

OK! Here is the deal. My middle daughter is in another one of her snits where she just isn’t talking to me over some ridiculously minor thing, so she told me in text that she wanted to take Kathy to dinner on Saturday night beause she didn’t want to have anything to do with me.
I said, “Whatever works, but this is really embarrassing.”
“Well, it’s all your fault,” she said (still don’t know what I did!)
So then Kathy called and apparently my daughter had called HER already to make plans. I apologized profusely. Kathy was very gracious, as always, said, “Yes, it was a bit confounding. I just wanted to make sure you knew about it.”
I said, “Yeah, she just called me. But I STILL haven’t heard a word from the other kids!” And I’ve messaged them no less than 3 times over the past week with suggestions, and asking for their input.
Kathy got kind of pissed at that and said, “Well, I WILL tell them that if they want to know what is going on they need to call you.”
My family is kind of assholes.

So, Saturday is pretty shot.
Sunday we are going to either the Museum of World Treasures, OR Exploration Place, if we have the kids.
On Monday we’re taking her to Rusty Barrel.

So that’s it. It’s pretty loose and easily adjusted as needed.

Sounds like she’s more on your side than on your kids’, which is good.

Of course she is. My kids are behaving badly.

You haven’t told us what kind of a relationship they have had with her. Do they like her or just feel this is an obligation you are putting on them? It’s not clear to me. Of course, in either case they should answer you yes or no.

@Dutchess_III Where’s your sense of humor?

No no. they like her. They’re looking forward to seeing her. One is pissed at me, and playing head games, my DIL was never taught any manners to begin with, and has 0 communication skills. Only my oldest is doing what she should be doing, that is contacting me to let me know their place in this (IE they will be over to hang out on Saturday, maybe Sunday too.)
My middle daughter, being pissed at me, will pick Kathy up at 5 on Saturday, and take her to dinner until 7, ignoring the rest of the family, completely missing out on family time. So embarrassing.
Haven’t heard anything from my son or DIL.
And it so SO FUCKING EMBARASSING that Kathy feels like she needs to call them to find out what the fuck they have planned as far as the event!

What are you talking about @MollyMcGuire?

A modest suggestion. Maybe it’s best to let Kathy and them sort out the visiting times then and just feel you are hosting her – not arranging the whole visit. I know it’s different but when my sons come East (or West) they arrange with their Dad when they will see him. That might lessen the embarassment you feel and take away some of the tension.

Kathy asked me to arrange everything. That’s kinda my job.
The only embarrassment I feel is the fact that my youngest daughter is going to preempt everyone else’s plans, to take Kathy to dinner because she’s in a snit. That is such poor, selfish form, and I am mortified.

My oldest daughter FINALLY called and we’re hashing out a Thing. She lives in a very tiny town, but they have a very cool, very kid friendly park. It would be a great place to spend the day, grillin’ and chillin’. They have a splash pad as well as playground equipment. My daughter is going to be in charge of the meat, I will be doing the sides. I’ll take my dishes to her house the day before.

The only thing I need to check out is if I can take our camper there for the day so we can have running water and utilities.

We’re trying to decide if we should make it a “lunch” since my youngest will be taking Kathy away from the party for dinner, or how to work this. Maybe we should just do it all on Sunday.

I wouldn’t do the cookout and dinner on the same day. Too much food.
As you were thinking, Sunday would be better.

I agree @chyna…....Only problem is, my son’s oldest daughter goes back to her Mom on Sunday morning…... :( She would probably not be open to changing that at all.
Perhaps I’ll ask my oldest daughter to ask my youngest daughter (the one in a snit) if SHE can put off dinner until Sunday. Now do you see why I find her behavior so embarassing?

I would just set the time and place and ask everyone to show up and be done with it. You can’t force or herd people to be where they don’t want to be. You’ve put a lot of time and thought into this. And it seems very few of your family appreciates that.

I’m with @chyna, and I think @janbb gave good advice too.

I used to try to organize family things with my husband’s family and it was impossible. They hate to plan. It basically turned me into a nag to try to get answers from them. I mostly wanted to know what they wanted to do. I wasn’t sure if they didn’t want to do any of my suggestions, didn’t want to be with us, or what.

One day, my SIL said, “just plan what you want when you want, and if we can make it we will.” I decided to take her advice, and just worry about making myself happy, and stop caring about the family being together, and trying to please everyone. I think I was coming off as controlling, when I didn’t want to control much of any of it really.

My SIL usually does show up when we plan stuff. I really think it’s just the planning part that drives her crazy, maybe the decision making too. I see that in my husband’s parents also.

They also seem to lack the ability to predict what they will enjoy. It’s weird.

It’s all good @chyna. My middle kid is the only one throwing a monkey wrench in the works and we’re working around it. My oldest, youngest and I are working together and I think it’s going to be fun. We’ll just have to plan to eat around the same time that my middle kid takes Kathy for dinner….and we’ll just have left overs for Kathy on Sunday. The MOST important thing for Kathy is time to hang out with the kids. Everything else is secondary. And she is most gracious so it should be good.

Thanks. You really helped me focus, guys. I will post pictures!

How was the visit?

Oh it was great! She is such a gracious, gracious woman that you wouldn’t even know if something went wrong, but I’m pretty sure she had a good time.
In the past we put her up in the guest bedroom upstairs but it just wasn’t possible this year. So…we put her up in our travel trailer camper, in the drive way. I could tell she wasn’t real thrilled with that the first night, but the next two nights she was thrilled to be heading to her “own apartment. She really, really liked it.

Thank you so much y’all.