What to do about these family heirlooms?
Long before Mom’s health started to fail, she gave me two pieces of jewelry on two different occasions. I’ve only worn them once or twice and will probably never wear them again.
* They came from our paternal grandmother. No history on them is known past that.
* Both are in their original boxes.
* Their value is unknown.
* Mom, Dad, and the grandmother would have preferred that they were passed on to the next generation, which is what I would like to do.
* All five nieces were given pieces of Mom’s (their grandmother’s) jewelry, based upon a list she left upon her death. The three grandsons were not.
* I would prefer to pass them on now rather than later.
* I will be with most of the family next week (my brother’s two daughters won’t be there, as they have distanced themselves from us since their parents divorced over 20 years ago).
Questions for you, collective:
1. Do I pull my surviving brother and sister aside and ask for their advice?
2. What might be fair to all eight grandchildren, be it male or female?
3. Any suggestions? I would like this to be a brain-storming session.
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12 Answers
Points of clarification:
1. * All five nieces were given pieces of Mom’s (their grandmother’s) jewelry, based upon a list she left upon her death. The three grandsons were not.
Does this mean granddaughters and grandsons (your nieces and nephews)? In other words, they are all in the same relationship to the bequeathing parent?
2. You have no children, right?
3. Did the grandsons receive any other heirlooms, such as something from their grandfather?
I gave the more valuable items to the oldest granddaughter. She was the most responsible and collected a few antiques.
@Jeruba
1. Yes, my eight nieces and nephews; the children of my three siblings.
2. Correct; I have no children.
3. The grandsons received various items. Anything that they wanted went to them, unless the item was desired by another family member. Then they needed to sort it out between the individuals. Fortunately, there was very little overlap.
Our brother had already taken all of the guns (mainly shotguns for hunting birds, but also Dad’s Luger that Dad brought back from WW2). He took our grandfather’s highly valued fishing equip. which he will never use. He has Dad’s WW2 medals that Mom had made into an attractive, framed display. He also has our paternal grandmother’s family poster of the founders of the family brewery. I suspect that all of these will be passed onto his son.
My sister’s two sons only received what they requested. One asked for some furniture, and the other asked for a handful of irrelevant objects. Neither were really at a point where they were adult enough to request anything that might be of value down the road. Both are now living on their own and have fairly serious girlfriends. One is extremely interested in family history and attending gatherings.
@chyna The oldest granddaughter ended up taking some of Mom and Dad’s more valuable items: crystal, silverware, etc.
When it comes to giving away one’s belongings there is no fair. No one “deserves” an inheritance. The person who is giving the stuff should feel completely at ease distributing as they want to. If someone gave you the items to distribute as you see fit, then do just that. If you don’t want it and you want to give nieces and nephews equal parts, do. If you like only one out of the bunch give it all to them. I advise people in estate matters, wills, and trusts routinely. Bottom line is no one deserves your stuff when you die. That’s why we call them gifts.
I would suggest doing what you want with the jewelry. I suspect the jewelry went to the female offspring since it is women’s jewelry. Probably fair to keep it going that way. Talking to your siblings is always good, but I would suggest entering into the discussion with a suggestion of what you would like to do.
How about this? Take a picture of the two items and send it to the eight nieces and nephews. If anyone is interested in either or both, their name goes into a bowl for the specified item. Draw a name from each bowl. If the same person’s name comes up twice, they can choose their first preference and another name will be drawn for the forefitted item.
This way, my siblings aren’t involved. This seems fair, and they will go to someone who wants it.
Update: I took five jewelry items to a family gathering (we were together for a week). Two of the eight nieces and nephews weren’t there, so their dad (my brother) took photos of each and sent them to his two daughters, with an explanation of what was happening, and asking them to respond if they had any interest.
The five items were passed around as I explained it’s history. Then they were put out on a table for display, next to a small bag where they could submit their name on a piece of paper for a drawing at the end of the week. They could enter for all five, but only one time for each item. If their name was drawn first for two different items, they could choose between the two, but only keep one.
It worked out fine.
The brother brought both dogs, despite the house rules. When the family would go for an evening stroll down the beach at night, he would bring them both and let them off their leashes, despite the beach rules.
There weren’t any issues that cropped up. Perhaps I was wrong to say something about breaking the rules to him. There is still a level of disappointment that he feels he is above the rules. Our parents didn’t bring us up this way.
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