How do I approach him?

Just ask. If he is offended, he’s not for you.

You should not have sex with anyone until BOTH of you have gotten tested and have seen the current results. This is a thing. This is what people do (or should do) these days. This is part of the term “safe sex”.

If your fellow gets angry, or refuses to have the test, say, “Next!”

Saying one is clean means absolutely nothing. Better to be safe.

You should never be afraid to discuss sex with the person you are going to have sex with. Here’s what you say, “Rob, I really like you a lot, and I’m very interested in moving our relationship to the next level. It’s very important to me, and my health, and your health, and our communication, for both of us to get tested for AIDS. I hope you agree. What date shall we both get tested, I’m thinking next Tuesday.

Before you have the conversation, contact the testing site, and ask when they have appointments. Let them know that you’d like you and your boyfriend to come in at the same time. It makes sense to go together, and to use the same clinic, that way, you and he are showing your commitment (not to pledge your undying love, that might come later) to being responsible. So when you bring up the subject, you can tell your boyfriend that such and such a clinic has walk ins on Tuesdays (or whatever you find out) and then see how he reacts.

If he gets mad, or tries to stall, or has an excuse for why he can’t, or tries to get you to have sex with him, before you’ve been tested, you need to rethink the whole relationship.

Is this place a time machine? Is this 1990? Nope. it’s 2018. You ask for a test and his numbers. If he gets upset, he was never serious boyfriend material.

My gyno advised me to just use condoms if it was a new man and then ask for testing if it were more committed. I’m not sure that’s the best advice but it’s one professional point of view.

If you think about buying a used car, you take it for an inspection by a mechanic before you agree to buy the car. Sometimes you take it for a test drive.

Why would a relationship be any different? Use my analogy and tell him to get his ass into the lab.

Honesty is always the best policy! Put it to him, straight up! Point blank!

@kritiper You think she should try making a hard bargain?

I have to agree. If hehas any brains he will understand perfectly. Perhaps you could get yourself tested first, show him the results, then ask him to get tested.

AIDS was a concern in 1990, @ScienceChick. As were all the other STDs.

@janbb If I catch your drift, yes.

IF he gets offended & allows it to affect the relationship, he was the WRONG guy for from the get go!!! This day & time, it is better to be SAFE than sorry!!! Just remember that IF he had sex with an HIV positive person recently, it might not show up on a test just yet. Still, I’d insist that he get the test & you should REFUSE to have sex with him UNTIL he does!!! Once you have sex with him, you’re having sex with EVERY person he has ever been intimate with!!!

Current HIV statistics

I agree with the others. I’d want someone to understand and take it as a positive thing that you are interested.

If he’s offended then it’s great news that you found out what a clod he is before you got more involved with him!

I find this to be in the realm of trust. I would equate this to asking for a DNA test for my newborn baby. It’s something that I would probably have to have to ever know it’s my kid. People hate me for that. They act like I’m supposed to have an unwavering trust in the female.

I would personally put this in the same category. I would be just fine with a test, as long as we agreed that if we have children, they are all tested to confirm they are mine.

Just one guy’s opinion…

@MrGrimm888 I am not sure that’s a good comparison. If the test shows the child isn’t yours you aren’t going to die from it. You get to decide if you want to raise the child as your own, or get out of the relationship. If he is HIV positive, that’s a life and death matter. Having a baby is not.

He may be relieved you asked, because he was nervous to ask you. This probably comes across as sexist, but I think this may be more awkward for a guy to ask than for the woman to bring up.

That actually makes sense @gorillapaws. As ridiculous as it is, there is still somewhat of a stigma attached to women who have had multiple sex partners. Just the opposite for guys.

Hallmark card. Inside are his and hers appointment times.

^That’s it. It’s gotta be Hallmark though….

@Dutchess_III Yes, AIDS was a concern in 1990, that’s my point. But people were coy about it and it there was so much incredible stigma and ‘Death Sentence’ attached to it. Now we know much more about it and how it spreads and that it can affect absolutely anyone, so attitudes have changed, especially with medical personnel. Getting him to talk to a medical professional might be a good step, because, while she might feel awkward talking about it, they won’t and it’s their job and they are specially trained for AIDS test counselling. Of course it isn’t just AIDS, either. Now they are fighting a strain of gonorrhoea that seems resistant to the normal drugs, so screening just makes sense.

FYI…AIDs is considered a disease of the 90’s. However, I have recently seen online ads from people stating “HIV positive looking for partner willing to go bareback. Only those willing to go bareback need reply.” This is a game of Russian Roulette!!!

A friend of mine who is a paramedic in NYC says that there are underground bars where HIV positive people go to meet people who are willing to have unprotected sex with them. I seriously doubt that any of the people who have participated tell their other dates that they are living so recklessly!!!

As I said before, IF he’s grow so offended that it affects the relationship, he will be doing her a favor leaving & there is NO man worth fighting for that isn’t willing to take that first step WITH you!!!

It was a disease of the 80’s too. But back then it was considered a strictly homosexual disease. It took a long time, and a lot of education, to get past that.

@LadyMarissa Well, they’ve already got it so why bother with protection.

@Dutchess_III Although I do find it a tad crazy to want to share your disease, I find it totally insane to be healthy only to become the willing partner who goes to the bar just to meet somebody & be willing to risk accepting the disease from a complete stranger!!!

Well, I was under the impression that the bars were for people who were HIV positive. I’m pretty sure that everyone involved already has HIV, so nobody there is really risking anything.

@Dutchess_III Nope, there are people who are HIV positive who feel that they were given the disease & they want to pass it on to HIV negative people because they don’t deserve to be healthy. On the other side, there are HIV negative people who are looking to have unprotected one-time sex with HIV positive partners because they find it thrilling & they either feel that they can’t get it or they don’t care IF they die!!!

I know that there are a LOT of HIV positive people to are very responsible. Still, how does this young lady know that her man hasn’t felt impervious & chose to live dangerously???

Well, in the examples you listed above you wrote “HIV positive looking for partner willing to go bareback.” But I know there are some psychopaths who want to pass it on to unsuspecting people, but I wasn’t aware that that is what we were talking about.

I’m thinking the psychos don’t tell up front, that would sort of give unsuspecting victims a pretty big clue.

Right. We started out on one thing and ended up with another.