How much of your "dirty linen" do you feel comfortable airing on Fluther?

I’ve said a few things about family or friends that, if read by them, they would know I wrote it. But they would really have to dig through 10 years of answers to find those posts. I try to keep my personal relationships off of here. I don’t mind saying that a friend tried or did something that may help another jelly though.

Not much. I’m not really here for advice about my personal problems; I tend to be more interested in debate and discussion of politics, religion, and social issues. I try to leave my “baggage” at home. And I can’t say I’m too interested in airing my grievances with other users either, though that seems to be a popular topic here.

When I go too far I change my answer to edit redacted.

Not much.

Not much, really. I have said a few not nice things about family members that I no longer speak to, and my username and avatar don’t give anything away. Also, I live alone, so it is so highly unlikely that anyone I might have dissed would even know that I come here.

I wince when I see users tell specific stories about family members who live in the same house, everybody leaves a tab open once and awhile, and when they use their own picture or an identifiable thing as an avatar, I figure they are either very brave or very foolish.

There was a time in my life – when I was going through my divorce – when I shared a fair bit but I was always cognizant that my sons might be reading here too since they know the Founders. I was pretty careful not to be negative about my spouse for that reason but I did get a lot of emotional support here.

Now that the pool is smaller and the composition different and I am more self-sufficient, I am less likely to share personal problems with Fluther. I also have gotten burned over the years with some feed back so my trust level is less high.

I share my dirty laundry when I have no other way to get them clean. Also to warn others.

Dirty linen?
We have staff for that as you very well know.

Not much, but I have made some friends here and they are the type of people that I expect them to be part of my life for many years. Those people know a lot about me. You know who you are!

~ ~ ~I’m really from Mars, and love Trump. J.K.

That is dirty laundry !

None of it. I truly hate that shit.

There should be no shame in discussing what’s bothering you. Discussion brings comfort, clarity and closure. Those who bottle their shit in are doing a disservice to themselves.

I suppose it depends. I try to answer honestly, in most threads. If it’s something I don’t want to talk about, I just don’t participate…

Me, nope. But I have heard about people writing suicide notes on forums like this. Has that happened here?

@ScienceChick People have talked about feeling suicidal on here or jellies have talked about suicidal friends. As far as I know, no one has subsequently committed suicide.

Oh? Really? That’s sort of sad. I hope everyone is ok.

I don’t know for sure, but have a feeling they are.

OK fine. My middle daughter suffers from depression and a whole laundry list of other mental illnesses and I haven’t gotten to see any of her 4 kids, including the twins, in months because she got pissed off over some weird thing. I know the twins, especially, seriously miss me but Mom doesn’t care. As long as she thinks it’s hurting me the fall out for the kids can be dismissed.

My daughter in law suffers from the same long list of mental illnesses, and she got pissed back in January because I gave their 3 year old a sun flower seed so we almost never get to see their kids either. Again, I know the kids miss us terribly. We’ve seen them a couple of times, thanks to the efforts of my son, and they cried they miss us so much, but Mom doesn’t care.

And the woman mostly posts memes about how sorry everyone should feel for depressed people and also memes about what a great mother she is.

I’m done.

^^ Sorry to read that!

Yeah, it’s pretty much ended my entire reason for existing any more. I’m really drifting. Honestly, I am sick and tired of people using mental illness as an excuse to tear other people to shreds with no regrets.

Maybe some counseling would help you cope. I have used a therapist to help me see things more clearly when there are problems with my children.

I have talked to a counselor in the past. She said the behavior should start changing, leveling out when the person hits 40. Only 8 more years. Great.

@Dutchess_III Sending a virtual hug to you.

Thanks very much. I can’t think about it too much. It really hurts. What is worse is it’s all over nothing. Literally nothing. It’s their imagination seeing meanings and shit that isn’t there.

@Dutchess III I know it’s easy for we as observers to pass out advice, but if the roll of the dice has left you with both a daughter and daughter in law in the grip of mental illness, I have only one suggestion. It’s the thing I try to keep in mind when the phone calls come from friends and obscurely distant relatives in your situation. “People don’t choose to be crazy.” Whenever I get good & pissed, I’m usually able to calm down and realize that if they DO appear to choose to be crazy, only a crazy man would make such a choice. In any event, I hope you manage to devise ways to provide some joy for your too vulnerable grandchildren.

Thank you.

This may or may not work for you but I have had very difficult times with one of my children. I was coached by a counselor to invite that child (who was an adult) to air all of his grievances against me either in person or by email – and not to respond. That is, encourage him to vent it all but not to justify myself, deny anything or apologize. But just to listen and encourage him to get it all out. In my head, I was denying or accepting what he said as true or not, but I did my best just to listen and validate his feelings through listening.

I can’t say our relationship is perfect yet but it is better.

Yes. That was the suggestion she made to me too. Just listen. I got very good at just listening. When she’s talking to me she calls 2 or 3 times a day, mostly to complain about things other people are doing.
If she gets upset over something I do she cuts her self, and her children, out of my life for months at a time. I’m not the only one she does it to, either.

Honesty is always the best policy but some things are better left unsaid.
And what you don’t know can’t hurt me.

I live by that last line @kritiper!

Pretty much all of it, used to be. I got some irreplaceable support form jellies while going through medical stuff when I was younger. These days the community has changed and expressing my feelings gets me too much hate for it to be worth it.

I’m genuinely shocked that you feel that way.

@Mariah I think, hopefully, that was only a very few people on here. Most of us jellies love and support you. In all that you do.

I don’t understand how stuff like this can rage right under my nose while I bumble along oblivious to it. This is even more perplexing in view of the fact that this place is fiercely protective when it comes to Mariah, and would erupt accordingly at even the hint of a targeted hate fest.

@stanleybmanly Some of the political discussions get very aggressive here (and even more so elsewhere) and people either don’t realize or don’t care that for many the outcomes of political decisions affect some Jellies’ lives profoundly.

@janbb I realize that sharp words fly in political discussions here, and the healthcare issue is particularly one about life and death. I’m not shy about throwing those sharp words around, and fully recall the hot debate here around eliminating the ACA. But it is a mistake to label those advocating repeal of the act as hateful. The proper word is STUPID.

Feels a bit more like hate when that action would result in your own death.

I understand that you take it personally. The people that want to throw it out lack the sense to understand that THEY too should take it just as personally. I’m no fan of the ACA. It’s a terrible convoluted law that allows tens of millions of us to fall between the cracks and should be labeled “The Insurance and Pharmaceutical Corporation Enrichment Act”. But repeal of the law before implementation of Universal single payer healthcare would be an intolerable stupidity, and is now politically impossible (thank God).

@stanleybmanly Just for the record, I don’t consider anything politically impossible these days.

It is far from politically impossible.

This one is probably a lock like Social Security or Medicare. There are too many red men and women whose families are in the same spot as our Mariah.

@Mariah I just read your link, and I swear to God that the blinding stupidity that festers in this country is beyond belief!!!

@stanleybmanly In case you haven’t heard, changes to Social Security and Medicare are coming down the pike. They won’t destroy but they are planning to erode them because “we can’t afford them.” The hypocrisy knows no bounds.

@Mariah, your coming on to this thread is timely, as I sit in a waiting room while my daughter, your age, has her third, in her 20s, colonoscopy.

I don’t air much, only the info that I’m comfortable giving to people who may want to slice me up into pieces later that day. This is no safe space.

thanks for the warning, @KNOWITALL
others try to pretend otherwise.

It’s just one or two people who are so hateful, but those two infect others. They have really changed the personality of Fluther.

@Dutchess_III Until then, enjoy the echo chamber. I love seeing five posts on a political question….sooooo interesting (sarcasm.) haha

There’s been a big racist theme lately, which always gets folks polarized, but to add to the toxicity, we have a couple jellies who keep whipping it up to a fever pitch. If you even open one of those questions, get ready to get your eyeballs singed!

^Some jellies, have made an attempt to tone it down… It has no effect anyways….

Once in a while, I come across a dirty joke, that I want to share, but can find no opportunity to do it.
Like this one.
A young biker just bought his first Harley, its chrome parts glistening in the sun.
The salesperson gives him some advice: “Before it starts to rain, you should rub the chrome parts in Vaseline, that will prevent rust. I will even give you the first tub for free.”
The biker takes the tub and stuffs it into his pocket.
An hour later, he joins his girlfriend’s parents for dinner.
The daughter says to him: “We have a tradition in this family: the first one to speak after dinner, must do all the dishes”.
The dinner proceeds, and then ends, the room drowned in silence.
10 minutes pass, and the biker becomes impatient.
So he grabs the daughter, and gives her a sloppy tongue kiss. No one says a peep.
He throws the daughter on the table, and proceeds to fuck her brain out. Still, no one says a word.
Getting desperate, he does the same to the mother. And still, no one reacts.
He slumps back onto his chair, defeated, and looks out of the window.
“Starting to rain.”, he thinks to himself, and pulls out the tub of vaseline.
The father jumps up and says: “Okay, Okay, I’ll do the dishes!”

I was telling another jelly I was reading up on the psychological affects of this much political negativity and polarization, and apparently many of us are adding a lot of stress and negativity to life by participating in constant arguments. Frankly, I think some of us need(ed) a break.

Just remember, in another few years, we’ll have to go through all this again, and we’ll either love or hate the new person-it just never ends. Not that it’s not worthwhile, but unless we go in trying to change someone’s mind, there’s not a lot of benefits to our mental health. :) Just my thoughts. Be good to yourselves today.

Trump is unique. I hope to God we never go through anything like this again. I think if it has taught us anything at all, it’s that we can just chill, no matter who we have in office, with the exception of trump.

@KNOWITALL it all depends on how you go about trying to change somebody’s mind. This old saying applies here: “You will catch more flies with honey than vinegar.”

I don’t see anybody’s mind being changed by the current climate because it’s mostly vinegar.

@Dutchess_III Except I heard that with Obama, too. That’s why it may seem harder to the more ‘middle of the road’ folks who vote candidate instead of party.

Virtually everything that was said about Obama was demonstrably false. Can you imagine the uproar if Obama had affairs with porn stars, gotten peed on by prostitutes, had kids with three different women, accused of rape and collusion, aids and insiders dropping like flies from indictments….can you imagine if that happened with Obama?

@Dutchess_III Well ya, Bill was pretty nasty, and there were cries of impeachment for perjury and obstruction.

Bill Obama?

@rebbel Bill Clinton, a democrat and Trumps buddy. Can you believe it? haha!

I know who Bill Clinton is.
I thought @Dutchess_III asked to imagine things about Obama.

Bill was an angel compared to trump.

@rebbel

I think you’re thinking of Barack Clinton.

I’ve never heard any other president’s inside people say they are afraid for their country because of the president. Just Trump’s.

When you don’t have a factual comeback the go-to is always “but Clinton.”

And another formerly reasonable, non-political thread trashed by somebody wanting to bitch about others’ political views. Unless you are an elected official, this stuff is not your dirty linen.

@notsoblondanymore and “but Obama.”

@all . . . “but Bozo the Clown.”

You figure it out ! !

Why doesn’t anyone ever talk about Obama’s emails?

Because no one can read them, since they are all written in Kenyan.~

You mean Arabic….

I’m pretty open everywhere in my life, including here. I’d say I’m comfortable exposing about 75% of my dirty linen, as most of you know. I’ve received a lot of great advice and support here. Honestly, when I need to “talk” to someone I come here first. I just don’t know many people.

Me either @tinyfaery.

I’m in the same boat. I come here or to my closenit group of friends on fb.