Is he single/interested?

There is no way to tell from your description and be positive. But what you are doing is creepy.

You have built up this massive narrative about him in your mind (and here, as well) – you have invented this story trying to convince yourself that there is something there. If you aren’t stalking, you are edging VERY close to the line.

And your snippy and bitchy about the current girlfriend. You see yourself as replacing her. BACK OFF. Get a grip on yourself.

You have invented something in your mind that is going to come back and hurt you.

Wow. No. Just no.

I’m not sure how it’s creepy, since he was the one that started flirting and telling me he liked me initally and he’s the one constantly liking and commenting on Facebook now. I’m doing nothing to encourage it. As I’ve said, I’ve deliberately hidden most of the photos/posts that I know he would definitely react to. I haven’t responded to him. What I’ve stated above is based on everything he did or said to me face to face and what other people have told me since (mostly the first one). The bits that I don’t know I have been clear that I don’t know. The parts about his girlfriend are based on what he told me directly and what other people have said who know all three of us (I haven’t included the exact detail, but he was very open about this). I have seperated my feelings from my actions here and despite being very honest about how I feel on this site, I haven’t said anything or made any moves in real life precisely because I don’t think it’s right. I’m aware there is a line, which is why it’s so difficult. If I didn’t care about that then I would have said something a long time ago.

Why not be a mensch and just send him a message and ask if he is still with his girlfriend? If so, back off.

Let me condense it for you so people can read the short version: “I have had a crush on a guy for years. He seemed to have one on me too, but according to Facebook, he is and has been in a long term relationship with another woman. By the way, that woman is overweight. I only mention that because it’s all about being skinny, not the life you’ve built together. Should I try to break them up, because, in my mind, I’m skinnier and better for him.”
My advice is to leave him alone and stop stalking him.

It does not matter ‘if” he is interested as it is “You” that is.
He reminds you of your father?
Perhaps its your father that you miss?
What is your relationship with your father now?
Talk with your father and I bet the relationship with this friend will dissipate.

Also consider that the boyfriend could be baiting you to “see what YOU could have had with him”?
He is torturing you and you yourself are doing the same thing by sending mixed messages. Could it be possible that he is just playing games with your feelings?

Leave him alone as one does not have to try so hard for acceptance from this man.

True Love comes on its own time and one does NOT have to work at getting it.
You have an obsession with him that will cause problems in his currant relationship , which if they break up YOU will be blamed!

How would you feel in her place when her SO is posting on another woman’s Facebook page commenting on her photos etc If he does this with his SO now and you somehow end up with him , he will surely do that to you as well!
If you were meant to be together you would be, but in reality you are not, so move onto someone who is honest and more compatible than this man.

Accept that you had feelings and good times with him but realize that it wasn’t enough to form a relationship with him,instead enjoy your life and in the meantime meet others that would become a better SO than this man.

Unfriend him NOW,so that he can concentrate on his current partner without your interference.

Stop being the third wheel in his relationship as one day it could very well happen to you, and how would you feel wasting your time with the wrong person.

See a Councillor if need be to confront where this obsession really stems from?

Good luck, I have been in similar situation and it took a lot of inner soul searching to realize the truth and reality of the situation.

Nearly: “I have had a crush on a guy for years. He seemed to have (made it clear he had) one on me too, but according to Facebook, he is and has been in a (on and off, currently unsure) long term relationship with another woman (who he complained about the whole time I knew him). By the way, that woman is overweight. I only mention that because it’s all about being skinny, (he specified he only likes skinny women who are very active since he is skinny and very active himself, aside from other things), not the life you’ve built together (they are not married, have no kids, no shared hobbies/interests, and spend most of their time apart according to what he said and what mutual friends have recently told me).” She comments and likes things that other men write (no, I’m not stalking her, but we have shared friends so I automatically see it) and puts photos of other men on her page, so it’s difficult to imagine they are all that close.

I’ve had crushes on other men before that were entirely physical, so ignored them if they were taken even if they stated they were breaking up. I’ve also had crushes on men, but said nothing as they were clearly happily dating/married/whatever with another woman and I was pleased for them. I’ve also had a man admit to having a crush on me while I was dating/cohabitating with someone else out of convenience, so I’ve been in the other position and was glad they told me as I didn’t believe I had other options at the time and felt trapped. Experiencing that situation is what makes this difficult for me. I was pleased my crush was honest with me at the time, as my ex and I were basically glorified housemates and were not happy. But I would still be stuck in that relationship trying to force things to work years later if he hadn’t approached me, as my confidence was too low to think about leaving.

janbb – I’m considering this. Continuing communication while not knowing is killing me, so I’ll likely send a message admitting I still like him, and and then delete him from Facebook but not block him. If he is now single or ever single in future then he can choose whether to contact me again. If not, it will cut all ties with him and he’ll understand why and it’ll just give him an ego boost or make him laugh. Either way it will be some sort of closure.

Inspired 2write: My relationship with my father is fine. I talk to him regularly. I don’t think that is the issue. People tend to be attracted to men/women that remind them of their parents (unless they have a bad relationship with them) as they are your first and main role model for the opposite sex. I don’t think that is the problem. I also doubt he’s ‘baiting’ me as we are both fairly straightforward people. We just really liked each other, but the circumstances when we met stopped us getting together. He really isn’t the type to ‘torture’ anyone or ‘play games’. As I mentioned above, his SO does post on other men’s pages, likes their photos and has other men in her profile. So if I did start returning all the likes/comments he gives me then I’m not sure she would even notice or care. And I’ve never met anyone who is as compatible as this man and vice versa. In fact, I’ve never met anyone who even comes half way. So realistically I don’t think it’s likely to happen again. I’ve spent several years doing everything I can to find someone else and have had no luck. Now I just want some sort of closure.

@Esme_Y If your looking for closure from this man forget it.
Get closure by yourself by shutting this temptation down before you regret interfering in an others.
That’s all I can say, you are obsessed and determined it sounds like to me to keep involving yourself in this man’s life.
Perhaps if you leave him along entirely, and give it time ( year or so) and “if” both want to then get together provided that he and you are single instead of “playing” your present partners maybe then you may decide to forget him or join his muddled life?
I just saw a TV program about temptation and the book ” The Seat of the Soul” by Gary Zukov who outlined a list to go over before giving in to temptation such as yours.
It looks like you have made up your own mind so I can offer nothing more.
If you feel good interfering in another’s relationship then you have to accept the consequences good or bad.

Don’t be that girl.

You’re sitting there judging someone’s entire relationship through the few photos you see on social media. You have no idea what their relationship is really like and you certainly have no right to assume he must not like her because she “isn’t that attractive” and “she has put on some weight”. Those statements make you sound like you’re trying to justify a reason to break them apart, even though you claim those aren’t your intentions.

If this guy was interested, it’s up to him to leave his girlfriend, reach out to you, and make his feelings known. Until then, this is all just a fairy tale in your head.

Alright, it’s time to stop thinking too much as it’s unhealthy and unnecessary. Just think/talk and no action will not produce any result. Just get to the point and text him “Hmm… Just curious, do you like me? I mean…, like, y’know, more than just friend?” And you’ll get all the answer that you need and end this paranoia once and for all. If he said he doesn’t then you can easily said that you’re just joking and messing with him. You’ll potentially get something and lose nothing. There’s no need to feel sorry for his girlfriend that you don’t even know since it seems you have no hesitation in judging her in a bad way anyway. Life is all about competition, including relationship, and as the saying goes, “You can’t blame a girl for trying”.