What have your experiences been with having someone mansplain something to you?
Women can mansplain too.
I did a little project yesterday that consisted of punching grommets into the top of a large piece of card board. I was going to use my wooden cutting board to take the heat and protect my kitchen table, which was doubling as my work bench, but the kit I had had a small piece of wood in it for that purpose.
I got 3 out of 5 of the grommets punched. My husband wandered through…then went to the utility room and came back with a piece of board. Told me to put it under where I was hammering or I’d end up with circular indentions on the table. Ya think?
I looked at him in disbelief and said, “Do you really think I was banging away on my antique, oak kitchen table with no protection?!” and showed him the wood I was using. You would think that by now he’d know to ask a question first instead of proceeding under the assumption that I’m stupid. But, you know, that’s how it was in the 50’s and 60’s when he was growing up. He was taught that women really aren’t as smart as men, we don’t really know what we’re doing, and need all the help we can get. He’s getting over it, slowly, but it has to be difficult. I have to consider that before I get too bent out of shape.
On a bright note he came to my defense when this guy came to appraise the house. I showed him the shelves I spent that one summer building. I thought it added to the value of the house.
He said, “You made those, huh.” Very flat, in manly disbelief.
I said, ”....Yes.”
He said, “You used power tools and everything, huh.”
Rick spoke up and, with a defensive edge to his voice said, “She knows how to use every power tool there is, including chain saws.” ((((( !♥ ))))
What have your experiences been with “mansplaining?”
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I think “mansplainning” is a common go to, for women who are too proud to take good advice. It’s human nature to offer advice to those who we care about.
Maybe it’s the same as when men call a girl “naggy.”..
How many times has he seen you do something stupid and have had to intervene? That’s the real question.
Do you appreciate advice that’s given to you, that you haven’t asked for, because you know what you’re doing, but the person giving the advice assumes you don’t?
Never @ARE_you_kidding_me. No more than I’ve had to intervene when he’s doing something stupid.
@Dutchess_III How one can word a question, like the one you ask here, better, is as follows:
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In other words @MrGrimm888 and @ARE_you_kidding_me, you have never had someone mansplain something to you. That’s nice. It’s really insulting when it happens.
I disagree. We aren’t born with information. We have to learn what we know, and hopefully pass the information on. To the betterment, of our community/tribe.
It is said that ; a good teacher learns as much from their students, as the students learn from the teachers.
Dutch. A repeating theme with you, is mistrust, and devaluing of men.
When I was working in the veterinary emergency hospital, I was taught mostly by women. I never once dismissed it as something a female was saying to me, to belittle me. Their experience, was an invaluable resource to me. Not an offense.
One time my husband was 70 miles away. I was at home. The weather was gearing up to do something awful. I called him, an dover the phone he kept mansplaining that there was no bad weather brewing here at home. He completely disregarded my insistence that we were about to get hit by a tornado because the weather channel didn’t show anything!! He was sooo condescending I finally hung up on him, then the shit hit the fan.
Ten minutes later, after the lights came back on and I crawled out of the cellar, he called and said, “Weather channel is saying multiple tornado touch downs in Winfield!!”
I screamed, “NO SHIT!” And hung up on him again.
There was one more incident about a year later, and he has never questioned my word again.
It was really that generation, I think, and the ones before, that evidence that…..condescension. I think the women’s lib movement went such a long way toward changing men’s notions about women….but Rick came to maturity just ahead of the movement.
But he’s getting better. The incidents are becoming fewer and fewer between.
^ I heard of a study ,on NPR, that said female apes wouldn’t try to learn from advice from male apes. Even of it benefited them. Male apes, would accept advice from either sex….
I’d like to see a link to that.
I don’t think you’re quite understanding the problem. It’s when the men, and women sometimes, just assume the woman needs or wants advice or needs something explained to them, when they don’t. It’s very annoying. It would annoy you too.
This is a good example. It’s by a woman. On FB a friend called Trump an “inglorious bastard.”
I said, “In that context I think it’s supposed to be “basterd.”
She said, “Bas-turd. ha ha.” (Guess who it was!)
Then I posted the link to the IMDB referencing the movie, “Inglorious Basterd.”
She then proceeds to esplain “From what I have gathered that is the Tarantino version of spelling he made up. Miriam Webster shows bastard to be spelled as such and inglorious the same. Apparently Quentin explained his creative spelling as “artistic flourish.” LOL”
Well. You think?
I don’t see the example above as an example of mansplaining (or womansplaining??).
Just sounds like banter between friends, no?
Of course Tarantino made it up. I don’t know why she felt the need to explain the obvious, but she does it a lot. Makes her feel smart, I guess.
It sounds like you guys have some history. As a stand-alone, I don’t have much issue with that exchange.
I can imagine having the same exchange with one of my friends—but without the annoyance.
Maybe think about what is really bothering you about your friendship with her?
She’s a former jelly. I wouldn’t classify our acquaintance as a friendship, really. I just kind of tolerate her.
Perhaps.
Anyway, I was really asking for other people’s experiences.
There are no stupid questions. Asking about a probable issue is just insurance. Some people ARE that stupid. So, it’s always a good idea to NEVER assume ANYTHING! Ask and know for certain instead of being sorry later.
I once was allowing a sister to use my car. One night, it snowed and the news said that the streets were treacherous! I thought about calling the sis and ASSUMED that warning her would be insulting because she is a smart woman and would know better, so I didn’t call. Guess what happened???
All of my academic life, I’ve had men stop me in meetings and ‘define’ what I’m saying to me, not to others in the room, but they seem to have the need to let everyone in the room know that they know something of what I’m talking about, when it seriously isn’t required. Not asking questions, but just interrupting with definitions of words or concepts I’m talking about, as if they are checking that I’m aware of the definitions of the words I’m using. ‘Can I finish?’ isn’t something you should have to say to an adult in a meeting more than once. Sometimes I spice it up and and say, ‘Is that a question?’ ‘Do you need me to clarify something?’ So, maybe it isn’t mansplaining, but manturruption?
I’m sorry your sister crashed your car, but do you think informing her of a weather report and telling her to be careful with your precious car would have made a difference? A phone call because someone is worried about ME is always welcome. Screw the car.
^And yet you plow your “scientific” opinions into each thread.
Experience is valuable. Information is valuable.
Given freely, it should be appreciated even more…
@MrGrimm888 and yet you have a go at me for sharing my experience and information?
Also, still waiting for a citation on that study you mentioned.
^No. I am saying that you offer advice. Sometimes very valuable advice. But you don’t hear me calling it “womansplaining.” I’m simply appreciative of your knowledge.
I can’t provide links on my phone. Sorry. It was on NPR. The chimp article summary…
@MrGrimm888 I’m answering questions people ask. I’m not volunteering unsolicited help by assuming the person doesn’t know what they are doing. I think a great deal has to do with tone and approach. We used to call it, ’ teaching grandmother to suck eggs’, if you’ve ever heard that expression, and it isn’t gender specific, but when men do it, the modern term seems to be ‘mansplaining’. It isn’t just men who do this, but men do it. Also, if you read my earlier post, I’m not talking about ‘mansplaining’. I mentioned being interrupted and it is measurable.
Thanks for appreciating my posts. Some men seem to feel the need to call me ‘dear’ or ‘sweetie’ or ‘girl’ or say, ‘Let me help you with this subject’ (that is horrendously mansplaining) I had an older male colleague that used to say that type of thing and I said to him, ‘If I wanted your help, I’d have read your book.’ It got a good laugh in the room.
There are a few folks that get pissy at me, so I’ve decided to start my answers with apologies first. It seems to help. Also, there is one person that I can reply to with a post, generally agreeing with what they posted and adding a bit or two and they take it as a post of opposition and go terribly defensive, arguing with me, reading things into what I wrote that aren’t there, so I am giving her a wide berth.
Help doesn’t need to be solicited, to be helpful…
Some people see it as micromanaging. Also, in @Dutchess_III ‘s example, she rightly felt her husband was insulting her intelligence and it wasn’t helpful. That’s what we are talking about here. He could have asked, ‘What do you have under there?’, but he decided to ‘teach grandmother how to suck eggs’ instead. Help is help. Insulting someone is insulting. I don’t know @Dutchess_III as well as her husband knows her. Perhaps she’s done things before that warranted the assumption that she was damaging the table. I don’t know, but she seems pretty handy, building shelves and all. Maybe her husband panicked when he heard the loud banging. Either way, it happens. Should I add #notallmen?
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