(nsfw) How do you react when touched at a bar?
Asked by
oriaggi (
73
)
October 4th, 2018
Looking particularly for female opinions. I’ve accepted that I am transgender late in life. I am very passable as a woman, but having been raised as male, I try to recognize when I behave or respond in a leaned male way instead of a typical/cisgender female way. I had a new experience and I’d like to know what typical female responses would be.
I was at a bar and a guy was hitting on me. He was cute, fun, kinda drunk, and clearly was hoping to take me home. I made it clear that that wasn’t going to happen but I was enjoying talking with him. Later we’re both leaving the bar and as I walk out I’m saying goodbye to some friends. Then I feel someone behind me has reached between my legs to stroke my crotch. I turned and it was the guy I was talking to. I was surprised, offended, and aroused. I just smiled and continued to say goodbye to friends. I didn’t feel like I was in danger. But how would you react?
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13 Answers
Kick him in the nuts.
Twice.
Response moderated (Flame-Bait)
I ask my butler what the fuck he’s doing there when it’s not even his night off.
He has this soft spot see,,but I don’t pay him too piss it all on booze & loose men.
Grossly inappropriate behavior. I think he may have been trying to see if you were a male or female, but that doesn’t give him the right to touch you. No one has the right to put their hands on anyone. Your reaction to smile probably gave him the impression you were okay with it. It is up to you how you want to handle this type of behavior though. I would have probably elbowed him or kicked him. I am a female.
Welcome to Fluther!
As an outspoken female who was NEVER very good at being violent, I would have made it plain that I hadn’t given him permission to touch me & it wasn’t a welcomed action!!! Even with the guys I enjoyed & hoped that they’d take it further, I made it clear that I expected to be treated with R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!!
It has been my experience that guys will take it as far as you’re willing to let them & it’s up to the female to set the boundaries!!! NOBODY has the right to touch you without your permission & it’s up to you to decide when or where!!!
BTW, I think it should be the same for the males!!!
You have to.handle in whatever way makes you comfortable.
I would have twisted his fingers…then ran. I can tell you too that I would not have been aroused. But that’s just me.
From a cis/male (tall, rarely feels at risk of being overpowered) perspective, I would never touch someone like that, especially not a woman I’d just met. I’d only do it to romantic partner if she’d explicitly indicated it was something she had specifically wanted me to do.
And no one has ever done that to me, unless it was a romantic partner.
People at bars have tried to touch me in other ways, and then it depends on who, how, who else is there, and so on, but for unwanted contact by strangers and acquaintances I have dodged, parried, avoided and glared threateningly. If a guy were trying to grope me or someone I was with, I’d escalate as much as needed to make them stop and get the message they’d better #@&% off, and/or call the police.
Guy here….
Ages ago, when I just started working, before I had a home or apartment, I stayed in a tiny room at the old YMCA in Rochester NY.
The one time I was groped I was talking with a fellow inmate tenant watching fireworks on the roof. The guy slipped his hand over my crotch unexpectedly. I instinctively pushed it away fast and said, nicely: “No thanks. I’m straight.” He apologized and said he thought I was gay. That was it.
^ Even IF you were gay, that would have been WRONG!!!
^ yet it happens. I’ve been touched by gay guys inappropriately many times in my life and been propositioned a few more. I merely say no thanks. No harm, no foul. It speaks to their qualities, not mine. I certainly don’t let it consume me.
But from the last few stories the groping is done by gay guys. What does that mean?
So they all stopped when you asked them to @seawulf? How very civilized of them.
Yeah, they all stopped. But I am a pretty big guy so trying to force me wouldn’t be easy for most.
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