(Humor time) What are some questions that a job candidate should never ask during an interview?

Can I get the next week off? I’m trying to use all my unemployment insurance.

^^^ (Tee-hee!)

Can I collect unemployment benefits if I quit?

What is your drug policy?

Does your chewing gum lose its flavour on the bed post overnight ? Lonnie Donegan

Is the company willing to finance my six month sabbatical in Italy prior to my first day of work in celebration of my acquisition?

So, what exactly do y’all do here?

Can you drive me to and from work every day? I get my license back in about a year and a half.

Is your wife the jealous type?

Did you ever read that story about the new hire who got forgotten and didn’t have to do any work for years because no one told him to but he just got paid? Do you think I could just, like, do that? I could cut you in…

So what’s the office consensus on [political issue]?

What’s the company’s biggest secret? The one that would send the CEO to jail?

So what’s the security like for this office?
What are the plans for if someone comes and tries to shoot everyone?
What if someone starts throwing grenades in the windows from outside?
Do you allow employees to bring guns in the office?
What about other weapons?

Is this a right to carry state?

Does your house have security alarms?

Do you do drug testing?
On a regular basis?

How late can I be getting to work before you fire me?

So, do you actually check my references?

If I get arrested, would my job still be there for me when I get out of prison?

I’m breast feeding. Can I bring my baby to work?

7am doesn’t work for me how about 10am?

Me: I’m sure you’ll be super fucking glad you hired me, Mr. Dumb Ass.

Interviewer: The name is Dumas, that’s D-U-M-A-S, you unemployable dumb ass.

Do you have staff for that?

Just between us girls, does being the boss mean you can have your way with the maintenance guys?

Do I get paid for the time I have to take for AA meetings?

Can we speed this up a bit – I have another interview in an hour.

My F#$/ing Tourettes isn’t a problem for you c#/^$ is it?

is it ok if my Mom comes to work with me?

How much vacation will I get a year & when does it start???

Can you lend me a fiver till Tuesday?

Have you ever tried it with 2 fists?

What do you see yourself doing in two years time as my junior, or don’t you have 2020 vision?

Is there a company vehicle? Does it have GPS?

In initial interview NEVER ask about the pay.
That is reserved for WHEN they offer you the job.

Is it all right if I smoke?