Have you heard any really bad wedding toasts?

“Marriage is not a word, it’s a sentence.” – from my best man at my wedding.

^^^ Ugh. I’m sure he thought those words were hilarious.

(1) The groom had been engaged before. He’d called off his earlier wedding just days in advance. This was a difficult decision and a very painful, traumatic time in his life, one that he knew had been right yet regretted deeply.

When he did get married, the best man, his brother, decided to roast him about his previous engagement. “I can’t be believe we’re actually here today!” “Did anyone think he’d really go through with it?” These remarks weren’t funny, they were nasty, and he kept going on and on. The bride and groom were mortified and trying to smile awkwardly. Nearby family members were telling him to stop. Finally, a middle-age aunt got up, walked over, grabbed the microphone from his hand, and took it away (much like taking a toy from a naughty child). There were a few moments of uncomfortable silence, then the music started playing again.

2) The groom’s brother-in-law teased him about his (former) illegal drug use. Such drug use was long in the past, part of the groom’s foolish youth and something never to mention. This toast was made in front of the groom’s own parents, new in-laws, and boss and colleagues from his conservative Wall Street job. That must have been at least 15 years ago, and the groom still doesn’t talk to his brother-in-law.

I’ve never had the pleasure of experiencing an awkward toast, but I’ve only been to a couple weddings past the age of 10; before that I wasn’t really paying attention.

I just like Chandler’s toast to Ross on Friends: “I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. And I thought things were going to work out for him…until the day he over inflated her.”

Wow. What a mess @Love_my_doggie.