How do I find myself?

Right now you are a single mom, and with three little ones, don’t even bother trying to be anything else.
Mommy and Daddy split up, and those kids need all the stability you can be for them. That means you, not boyfriends.
What faces you is hectic, demanding, exhausting.
Identity seeking should not be your focus now. Strength, stability, resolve, you need to brace yourself, and go.
You may not hear your first name spoken for quite some time. Your identity is this kid’s mom, or that kid’s mom.

In the words of the shrunken head on the Harry Potter movie, “You’re in for a bumpy ride!”

This is something to work out with a therapist, that’s what they do.

I have to agree with @zenvelo, counselling works for me, in all sorts of situations, my counsellor helped me see things from new perspectives I had previously never thought of. The whole experience opened my mind in unexpected ways. Relationship break-ups are really tough on a person, but you can work through that, given time.

I am in counseling and have been for a few years now. Mostly right now she is helping me with self care but I’ll ask her about this next time as well.

You have to ask yourself some really tough questions and you have to be brutally honest with yourself. Questions like: What are my goals in life? What makes me happy? What are my priorities in life? If I feel like I have to have a man in my life, why is that? What does that give me? Can I get it without a man?
As @zenvelo a therapist can help you work through a lot of these things, but having been a single parent of 3 small children, I understand that taking time out to go see a therapist may not be that easy. My suggestion is to start writing in a journal. Maybe if you take the time to write down what is going on inside you (writing will slow down your thoughts) you can work through some of it. Besides, if you write a bunch down, you may get more out any time you do have with a therapist.
In the end, if you don’t understand who you are, you will never be truly happy and there is a good chance it will impact your ability to make the good decisions in your life including in your parenting.

The first thing that you need to learn is…you do NOT “need” a man to make your life complete!!! For now, I suggest that you put ALL your focus on your children!!! NO, it’s NOT going to be easy; but, it IS doable!!! Don’t be bringing your latest boyfriend home to spend the night. Definitely DON’T bring in a different stranger every few days to play daddy. Give your children the stability that they’ve recently lost by being their rock. In time, you will meet your perfect partner who will be able to help stabilize your life…until then, give your children the life & love that THEY DESERVE!!!

THINK positive! BE positive!

By surviving in a tough world and teaching by good example to your children that yes they can survive, and probably do much better, by getting up after adversity.
I was in same predicament but was not scared as more determined as I knew that I alone could do a better job of raising my three children by looking after their needs much better than in the marriage.
Thus I raised three independent and happier children who can think for themselves and succeed in their own lives.
That example was what that drove home the courage to leave a bad relationship and move out to better conditions still stays with them. They know that they can be in control of their own destiny’s.
I didn’t have time to have anxiety although here were tense moments of deciding which direction to move into. In low employment I signed up for College with Student Loans to provide . ( about half was Grants that did not have to be paid back) It was enough to provide food, shelter, clothing and school supplies for the kids and my College as well.

One first has to lose themselves to truly find themselves…think about it.