Have you had trouble setting boundaries?

Well, I tried to set boundaries, but they were ignored. It was incredibly difficult to try, and when they were repeatedly ignored then I cut off contact. Mother and sister.
Note to younger self: do it a decade sooner.

I had years of practice trying, and often failing, with my mother. By now I’ve gotten pretty good at it.

It’s a sliding scale. (Note that this is spoken from the standpoint of a 60+ year old person)

With some people, it isn’t worth the effort to set boundaries – the whole exercise will be frustrating and unsuccessful.

With others, it’s important and effective.

I think that experience and age (and making errors!) is how you develop a sense of when boundaries will work, and when they won’t.

I’m not great at setting boundaries with my father. I’m better now, and partly he is better at not being so selfish, but I still sometimes feel like I’ve been run over by a truck when I interact with him.

He’s my dad, and I’ve tried in the last few years to handle my reaction to him better, rather than try to be constantly trying to control his behavior when he interacts with me. He’s in his 70’s, which for most people isn’t very old, but for him it’s amazing he has lived this long, and so I just try to balance making him happy without making me feel terrible.

I was not at all good at it in my marriage, mostly because I had been taught that a successful marriage depended on helping each other out, and conceding to her “needs.”

What took some years of therapy to overcome was realizing she had no respect for my needs or wishes, and that my not having boundaries led her to run roughshod over me. I am pretty good at it now.

No. I really never had any trouble setting boundaries. I never had a problem with saying “No,” or telling people to just stop.

The problem with setting boundaries lies with the difficulty in determining levels of enforcement required for potential trespassers. Most of us have the innate sensitivity to assume reasonable lines regarding our fellows. But when it comes to human nature, the outliers are always with us.

I have difficulty in setting boundaries with close relatives and friends. Even though I’m straight forward in most of the cases I tend to do some things if pursuaded by them even though I might not be in full agreement. That’s why I try to avoid such situations as far as possible.

I didn’t know anything about boundaries until somebody had stomped all over them. I was bullied and abused, and to add to that, my abusers were actively trying to figure out how to have me committed to a mental institution! It was devastating.

It took a while, but eventually I realized I was the one who was healthy and they were the.ones who were nuts! Once I had that epiphany, boundary setting came very naturally. It was very simple after that. I stopped listening to them, and learned every thing I could about boundaries and how to set them. Everything got much better rather quickly after that.

I also adopted the mantra that if my “friends” were for it, I was against it, and vice-versa. It really helped!