Normal or a Red Flag?
My husband said that he liked to “show me off” to his “ex” and that he liked when she saw us together being affectionate. Years after we moved in together he secretly contacted her with an incognito facebook account and messaged her. After 10 years of lying about how he didn’t, he finally admitted to me. But I asked what he was trying to get out of it and he said he wanted her to see we were still together and rub it in her face again.
He claims they weren’t even a couple and that he didn’t even like her and he ended things with her.
I have never felt this way towards an ex. I’ve always just moved on from them and didn’t care what they thought of me. I’m not with my exes so why would I care what they think? Why does he care what some random girl from so long ago thinks about him and his wife?
Is this a normal thing for men? I often worry that he would have left me for her if the opportunity presented itself (like back in the day). Or maybe (more realistically) he has regrets about not dating her? It shouldn’t matter at this point but I can’t stop worrying that this is a red flag?
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8 Answers
Anything you have to hide would be a red flag to me. A secret account, definately. What will he get out of rubbing it into her face….sounds like he wants her to be jealous, which means after all this time it still matters for some reason. Seems weird to me.
I don’t think it’s a red flag that means he wants her back but to me, it is a red flag saying he is kind of small minded.
No, it is not normal. What color flag it is depends on the rest of your relationship with him.
I agree with @KNOWITALL, it sounds like he wanted to make her jealous but that in itself sounds very spiteful and vindictive. I know I don’t have all the facts about his previous relationship and subsequent break up but I would worry about someone who continued to punish an ex 10 years later.
It’s a flag that he’s petty.
Childish and dishonest. I wouldn’t be happy about it.
Normal, or Red Flag.
It’s kind of a false alternative. It is normal and healthy to “get over it”. That is clearly not the case with your husband. So that would not be normal.
Abnormal, or Red Flag?
Red Flag to the extent that he is sort of acting like a little kid. So that means he probably does that about other stuff too. My ex wife acted like a little kid. It doesn’t work when you are an adult. Hence, ex-wife. So it is definitely a Red Flag that he is immature and probably narcissistic. Good luck.
He sounds childish and vindictive and secretive. I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that.
He’s acting like a mean girl in middle school.
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