Would you save your spouse or your unborn child?
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December 9th, 2018
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35 Answers
Well, if it was me who needed saving I would rather he save our unborn child.
Don’t know how I’d feel if I was a man.
I’ve never been pregnant past two weeks (two weeks after a missed period) and I don’t have children, but as I sit here today I am pretty sure I would choose my spouse. However, I think it would depend on specific circumstances. How far along is the pregnancy? What would my spouse want? Is this the miracle baby after all my miscarriages and ectopic pregnancies? I’m still pretty sure I pick my spouse. I’m also pretty sure I want my spouse to pick me over our unborn child. I know I want the doctor to pick me if I can’t answer for myself, assuming I am healthy.
Spouse. We can always try for another child, but trying to raise an infant as a single father widower? That would be so much worse.
”...trying to raise an infant as a single father widower” would just be so so bad?
I’ll just add, a spouse is a partner in life and his health status is known. Unborn children, especially in the early stages of pregnancy, fail to make it to maturity all the time. If I choose the fetus, I have more chance of winding up with neither. This is partly why in Judaism you always save the mother. The mother hopefully can go on to have more babies. Moreover, if the fetus is actually causing the mother harm to her own health, the fetus becomes something the mother must defend herself against, self defense, including terminating the pregnancy. Anyway, from that particular religious perspective the mother is first.
It seems to me in Christianity, possibly the view is the fetus is first, but I don’t really know how they talk about it. I know I’d be fearful to be in a Christian or Catholic hospital if my pregnancy was harming me. I remember a story several years ago about a nun being excommunicated for helping a woman terminate her pregnancy, and some Christian politicians go around saying the mother’s life is never compromised. That’s terrifying to me.
@jleslie in “Christianity” the mothers life is extremely valuable. However, it is up to the doctor to determine all the health risks. If everything is even and it’s one or the other, I’m sure they would choose the mother.
@chyna I don’t know how often things are glaringly even, usually it’s weighing risks. Often the mother gets to be part of the decision, and the doctor can follow her wishes. My guess is most doctors would protect the mother’s life first, but I’m not sure where the church actually falls on the topic, and each Christian sect I assume is different. Mind you, in some hospitals, like Catholic hospitals, sometimes decisions need to be approved by a religious board. The doctor might want to abort, but it might all get delayed.
My sister worked for a Catholic hospital, and they would transfer women who needed abortions to another hospital. She loved working with the Catholics overall, she felt the Chaplains at the Catholic hospitals (who were Preists) were amazing and they trained the hospital staff to never put any patient or family member in an uncomfortable religious position no matter what their religion, never pushing any belief or doctrine. She also volunteered as a big sister with Catholic charities, but when it came to women’s rights and health over their bodies it was a big frustration for her.
A friend of mine wanted her tubes blocked to not worry about getting pregnant, and her Catholic hospital wouldn’t do it, even though she was 40, had a teenage son, was divorced, and would have gone round the bend if she got pregnant.
Churches have no business in anyone’s health care. Period.
I also work in a catholic hospital and have never heard any issues where a church member or elder intervenes. There is a privacy law called HIPPA where your health information can’t be released.
@jleslie Your friend should have gone to another facility.
Without a second bit of hesitation I would choose Mrs Squeeky.
But thabk God I will never have to even come close to making such a choice.
@chyna The friend who wanted her tubes blocked? She did. She luckily lives in a fairly urban area with many hospital choices.
Are you saying in your hospital there isn’t some sort of board that reviews whether certain procedures can be done on the premises? I didn’t realize you work for a Catholic hospital, that’s great, you would have inside information.
Are you saying your hospital will terminate a pregnancy for the life of the mother?
I’m sure they have a board that reviews procedures, but they don’t make decisions based on religious grounds. As she said, the churches have no business in people’s health care decisions. Only the doctors and the patients themselves have any business in it.
We don’t deliver babies at our hospital as there is a Women’s and Childrens Hospital about 3 miles away from us.
I am not sure what your logic was for posting those links @JLeslie, but as @chyna was saying, and I agree, the churches have no business in anyone’s health care.
@Dutchess_III The church is in the business of health care, in the patient’s business, if the patient needs to terminate her pregnancy and her only choice is a Catholic hospital. The church decides if she can get the procedure, not the doctor. Did you read the links?
@chyna For the Q we are talking about terminating pregnancies, not delivering babies. I assume all (or most) pregnancy related problems go to the other hospital though. I’d still be curious if someone walked into your ER miscarrying and hemorrhaging like in the article I linked what your hispital would do.
@Dutchess_III ””...trying to raise an infant as a single father widower” would just be so so bad?”
For me it would be. And I think for the child as well. It would be growing up without a mom, and a depressed father, struggling to care for it and earn a living. Not exactly setting it up for success.
I just don’t see fetuses on the same level as children and adults. Maybe that’s because I’ve never had a child…I can’t honestly say.
I totally agree. The concept of the fetus is nothing like having the actual baby and watching them grow. However, as the mother, if the choice was between me and the unborn baby (assuming the baby was far enough along to survive outside,) I’d give my life for the baby without hesitation. But gosh. Would hate for the father to have to raise it all by himself. Can’t imagine how hard that would be.
In reading how the decision came about, the husband knew in his heart that his wife would opt to save the baby; so, he chose what he knew she would have wanted. I wouldn’t want to be the husband who took home a sick wife & had to explain that I let her baby die. I’d think it easier to grab a PO’d tiger by the tail!!! To answer the Q, I hope that I NEVER have to learn how I’d choose!!! Since I’d be the one pregnant (I passed menopause 20 years ago) & my husband has already passed, I’m pretty much sure that I won’t be facing this particular situation!!!
I do feel the need to point out that many a single dad make an excellent father for a child. I don’t see it as that much more difficult than being a widowed Mother having to raise a child all by herself. I’d think a single male with a child would find it easier to find another spouse than a single female.
I agree that churches should stay out of the medical profession!!!
Always choose the woman over the fetus. Easy.
When I contemplate this I envision a full term (due within a week or two or three) baby. If I was a month or two or three or 5 along it would be a no brainer.
@JLeslie I’m not even sure what the “5 children” comment was supposed to mean. All I can say is we are discussing children, not jellybeans.
@Dutchess_III It means your answer might change depending on the variables. Most parents would give their life for their child, but giving one’s life for a fetus and leaving behind motherless children is usually a different scenererio. The 5 children comes from the example of the mother who got approval from the nun to terminate her pregnancy.
I will mark someone ‘cause she made me think about it.
@Mariah What about choosing no one to live with?
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Ok, let’s go to the boring answer of it.
We need to start with a few questions.
Why to let someone live but not another one?
What is interfering in your choice?
What matters are what they can do when are alive or what you feel be most social accepted (moral)?
Is it just your selfishness?
If the matter is what they can do when alive (so an individualistic choice)
What is mom’s age?
Which are the chances of the unborn child to live?
(Can the mom get out of it alive?)
Did the mom had an adventure life or was it dysfunctional?
Did the mom already have an abortion? How many and how did she felt in those situations?
Is it clear that the mom is going to be depressed if she lives but not with the child?
Why the mommy would live if she is going to be depressed for the rest of her life?
But why to not let a child live if they have the possibility of doing something great for the world?
So can you give the right education to them?
But does you want to do?
What are your priorities then?
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I just read the title of the news.
I sadly could not read it all ‘cause I am distracted today and I am sorry;
I will give a simple answer to it:
If I took a big risk; she would probably be angry if I had chosen her instead of the baby (she would probably think something like, ‘though you was acting caring and supportive with the idea; you never really cared about the child’), and I only care about my wife opinions.
If the chance of my wife is alive were 50/50 I would definitely to choose her though.
If it was 20/50 I would choose the baby ‘cause lol
I hope to talk with my wife about what she wishes so.
I don’t want to be indecisive if the time comes.
As I said, @JLeslie, I am assuming that the “fetus” is developed enough to live outside of the womb on its own. I would not give my life to save a blastocyst or an embryo, or a fetus under 33 (or so) gestational weeks of age. Anything younger than that would die anyway, and that would be a stupid waste of 2 lives..
If the fetus was developed enough to survive as a newborn, all on its own, it comes under the umbrella of one of my children. The number of children that I have would not factor in to my decision to give my life up to save that one child.
I can’t begin to wrap my brain around why you think it would.
@answerbag I don’t understand your question. Happy to respond, if you’re able to clarify.
Well, it sounds like @answerbag has a lot of rationalizing to consider in the 2 seconds befor she has to make a choice, @Mariah.
@Dutchess_III If it is viable separate from you then why would you need to give up your life for it? Isn’t this type of question usually about a mother risking her life because the pregnancy is harming her? Whether to terminate or not? A viable fetus doesn’t get terminated, it gets delivered.
Because it hasn’t been born yet. It is an “unborn child.” Read the details in the question. Have you been answering all of this time having no idea what we are talking about?
^^I guess so. In the same situation as the article I hope my husband saves me! I even talked about it with him before we got married.
Would you feel that way if you had a child who was 4 years old, and it came down to your husband choosing between you and the child?
That’s a very, very odd thing to even think about discussing before marriage, unless you had some reason to think you might find yourself in that situation.
^^Specifically, I asked him about his thoughts on if we were pregnant and there was something wrong with the fetus would he be ok with aborting it, or if it was hurting my health. It was more an abortion question if something was going very wrong. I had already known two people personally who terminated because amniocentesis showed a problem, I also had a friend when I was very young who had Down’s syndrome, so it was something I had thought about. Seems like a smart thing to discuss before marriage to me.
You seem prepared to give up a baby quite easily. Would you feel that way if you had a child who was 4 years old, and it came down to your husband choosing between you and the child?
Of course not. Above I say that almost any parent would give up their life for their child.
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