Should you love someone who is not financially stable?

Is that person stuck in that job forever? Can you support yourself (and potentially a family)? Is the person in the lower paying job because it’s a non-profit that benefits the community?

My point is, using this as the sole point of judgement is probably unwise, especially if the person is relatively young.

I will pass on the words of advice my mother gave me: ”“It is just as easy to fall in love with a rich person as it is a poor one”. She probably got this advice from my grandmother.

Funny thing is neither one of us followed that advice. We married mentally stable and competent people but at the time money did not enter into the picture.

What if that persons salary does not really help you to raise a family?

My advice to my daughter was different. I told her that she should strive to be capable and successful in her own right and not dependent upon the success of others to survive. He has done this and this gave her more flexibility in the choice of partners.

In a case like you mention a factor might be whether one partner is capable of financially supporting both if it came to that but I would not expect that to be the overriding factor.

You know what, @Eggie, without more info we can’t make a fair assessment. If the person is consistently fiscally irresponsible, that may be indicative of another kind of issue, but the judging of someone (who is working, if I understand your details correctly) solely by their current paycheck will not give you an accurate understanding of their true self.

If you are in a culture where arranged marriages are the expected norm, the criteria are different of course.

You don’t know what will happen. If you have a child that requires a parent to stay at home, or one of you becomes unable to work, or if you win a lottery, those are all game changers.

Love them of course.
Do Not open a joint checking account with such a person.
Do Not marry such a person unless you can support the both of you with no resentment.

@canidmajor is right. It’s not the amount of money they make but how they manage it that says the most about a person.

Love is overrated. I put too much importance on it in my youth, and I now have big regrets.
In primitive times, mating was done primarily out of necessity.
I’m not sure when people started thinking love was required, but love is a luxury found sometimes before marriage, sometimes after. I believe friendship should be there, but if not, at least a couple should find each other tolerable.
Of the marriages I have known to last, the ones most solid are the ones who had a solid plan and good, solid resources.

I don’t think that you have any control over with whom you fall in love!!! There are 2 types of financial instability. One is the person who is irresponsible & doesn’t care about their life or yours. Then there’s the person who life has crapped on them & they care about what is happening but just can’t see to get back on top. The one who really doesn’t care will drag you down with them The one who does care will help to raise you up & support you in ALL your causes. My husband lost his job back during the height of unemployment.He was desperayely seeking a job but they just weren’t hiring at the time. I made enough to support both of us & I was past the age for having babies. He felt bad that he couldn’t help in supporting us financially; so, he took over ALL that is considered “wifely duties”. He did ALL the cooking, cleaning, laundry as well as ALL the yard work plus he did ALL the necessary auto mechanic work so my car was NEVER in the shop. When our washing machine broke down, he hand washed my clothes until he could repair the washer. He kept my computer up & running at its best. I gladly went to work every day to support the 2 of us as I had the PERFECT house husband & I was treated like a queen. He was tighter with our money than I was & he was better at saving it too. He wasn’t bringing in anything financially, but our financial situation was at its best!!! I walked in from work every afternoon to him handing me the perfect martini & my dinner was brought to me within a half hour of getting home. When my plate was empty he collected & did the dishes. When I left for work in the mornings, he handed me my lunch which always had a note telling me how much he loved & appreciated me tucked in with it. I NEVER felt that I was supporting him as it felt like a JOINT effort. Before him I had lived with the irresponsible type who just didn’t care. No matter how hard I tried to help him, he expected MORE!!! I eventually realized that he was dragging me down with him & I left. I didn’t love him any less, but I was NOT willing to lose everything I had worked so hard to achieve for him to destroy by being irresponsible!!!

So, YOU need to decide which type of financially unstable person you’re dealing with & how far down you are willing to go with them. As I said, there are BOTH good & bad in the financially unstable person & only YOU can decide what you need!!!

I agree with you @Patty_Melt, but your post made me laugh and think this should be the next Hallmark card:

Love is a luxury.
Friendship should be there.
If not, at least find each other tolerable.
Congrats on your engagement!

@Patty_Melt I agree mostly but I don’t believe mating was done out of necessity. Mating is something that is done because it is both enjoyable and instinctual but not necessary. People can go through life without ever mating.

Although I suppose an argument could be made that it is necessary for the survival of the species but how many, of any animal let alone humans, ever use that as a reason to breed? Nope, gotta go with instinctual, not necessary.

If all one cares about is money, then one is a gold digger, and nothing more. Naturally, women would/should care about financial security since security is a main objective to attain after love. But it shouldn’t be foremost.

What is more important is, are they mentally and emotionally stable? Financial difficulties will strain the best relationship. If there are financial problems going in, you must have a workable game plan before you make the commitment.

You can’t help who you love. Should you throw your lot in with someone who doesn’t make much money? That’s up to you. If you won’t have a problem being the major bread winner, go for it.

I think “all one cares about is money” is a useless simplification of the situation.
Clearly @Eggie cares deeply about the person, (the word ‘love’ is used) but @Eggie also cares about the financial stability of a relationship when one of the partners is dysfunctional. Those are both very valid concerns.

When your partner routinely makes financial decisions that would make you too uncomfortable. the correct strategy, in my opinion, is to keep your finances separate. Also, make it clear you will Not be bailing out any bad decisions.
Then you can feel much more free to allow the other to be free and you can share and sympathize and support with less conflict.

@Eggie simply said the person ”is not in a good job”. Nothing about one of the partners being dysfunctional.

Probably not, but then how many people have any control over who tugs their heartstrings?

At the end of the day it’s all about survival (and convenience). Can love fill your stomach? Can love sustain your family? Can love make your life easier? No. Money can, but not love. If you’re a financially independent adult then there’s no problem with that.

In my experience, you do not choose to love, you just do.

@rojo, you seem to have misunderstood my use of the word mating. You seem to be thinking in a physical sense.
I meant in the basic sense of pairing for life.
Having a mate is not necessarily the same as marriage. Marriage is just a legal means of declaring your partnership.

@Patty_Melt Ah, You are correct. I had not considered it in the broader sense. Need to get my mind out of the gutter I suppose.

Fast answer:
Theoretically, yes.
In practice, no.

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We need to know that the majority of people with no financial stability are a little bit sad and brings with itself great mental disorders and destructive behaviors; what is definitely not a problem until they don’t realize it in themselves (what is common to happen)

But there are many amazing people out there in this situation that really is worth a relationship with; did we fell in love for one of those people or just for another statistic?

Your question sadly doesn’t have an exact answer ‘cause it won’t include minority.
But if you are talking about the majority, sure should not love. Though there are a few ways of love to consider, here is two of them, try to see the difference:

Erotic Love – This one you should not have if you are a female or feel empathy or don’t want to spend money until…
Affectionate Love, friendship, without physical attraction. – you should, it will not interfere in anything in your life but let you learn something else.

How old is this person, @Eggie? How old are you? I think I remembe4 you being pretty young, I may be wrong.
So much has been assumed in these posts with very little actual information. There is no information that this person is irresponsible, or will stay in the low-paying job forever, or that the incomes combined won’t be adequate, if not extravagant, for decent living.

Too much is not known here, let alone what the future may hold.

My husband and I met when we were both 20 years old and very broke. That was almost 28 years ago and our love for each other has only grown.

We’ve hated each other many times over the years but we never gave up. We are best friends. Our trials and tribulations made our love stronger.

In my life, my ‘Falling in love” was all completely under my control: not just fortuity but a decision. My first love had nothing to do with anything other than that he was the best, sweetest, kindest person in my life up to then. Joey was fascinating to me, he was good beyond anything I had ever known in a person, and the only close second with such “goodness” was my oldest sister. Unfortunately, he was killed by a drunk driver.
My next boyfriend was similar—Bobby. I simply did not know good, kind people, so I was fascinated by them. That ended when we moved several states away—I was still a child.
Third person, similarly good was a sweet high school guy visiting from Germany. But that was interrupted by another even sweeter guy than Wolfgang: Pat, whom I married at 19. Married almost 8.5 years, he was killed in an accident. I stayed single for 10 years, broken hearted, then married an old boyfriend. We’ve had 30+ years of marriage.

Looking back, I now know: don’t “fall in love” with men who are super sweet and good-looking, men who look like Keith Green and Steve Irwin and who are built like them. They die young.

Im 33 and my gf is 28. She works for mimimum wage whilst I work for a decent salary. On average I get 9000 monthly whilst she gets 3000 monthly. We spoke about having kids although she has two of her own . I really want a kid and I care for her but I have worked very hard from having nothing but a bag full of books to having a car, house and a comfortable pay. I just dont want to end up struggling more than I have to financially. I have dated girls before with a decent salarly like mine and it was good but I like my gf. I just dont know whether I should call it quits now and save myself financial fustration.

My friend, that is a sticky situation.
Many have faced just such a situation.
There is no specific solution for everyone. Each must decide for themselves what might work best for them.
I will say this, if you don’t love her children too, then get out.
Couples can’t be just two individuals when children are in the picture. If you simply try to put up with them, they will know, and that complicates things terribly.

IF your financial frustration is more important to you than the love you feel for her, do HER a favor & leave her so she can get on with her life before she’s too old to find a good partner!!!You don’t sound like you’re in love!!!

@ Patty_Melt I love her children. Many times we went out with her kids to the movies, amusement parks etc and I pay the bill. Just two days ago we watched Into the Spidiverse at a movie theatre and ate pizza afterwards…all on my tab. I care about her kids, and its not just paying for them everywhere. I genuinely care.

It sounds like you have something wonderful.
It sounds like something no amount of money could buy.