Have you lost someone who you wish you had rushed out to see when you heard they were sick?

Yes , a fellow congregant at UU whom I was beginning a friendship with just died of leukemia at 49. I texted and emailed a few times but didn’t go to see her.

Not so much, actually. I have always been a “rush to their side” person, and have never regretted that. Of course, there are a couple of times I didn’t make it in time, but I was able to be with loved ones.
As I get older, I am grateful that I was able to be with so many near the end.

Yes, someone I considered a dear friend suddenly stopped responding to my emails around her birthday last year. I had been pondering what it was that I said to piss her off. About 2 weeks ago my former boss called to let me know that she had Huntingtons Disease & the doctor saId that she had 4 maybe 5 years left to live. Her baby sister had died from the same disease & she had lasted 10 years so I knew 4–5 years was simply a guess. I asked my former boss if he thought it might upset her if I stopped in for a visit. Her mind was deteriorating rapidly & her Mother had put her in a nursing home because she could NO longer take care of herself. He said that she didn’t always feel like having company because she found it very stressful to carry on a conversation. She was one of his customers so he went to visit her when he could. He said on his next visit that he’d ask her if it would be OK for me to visit. Next call he said that she was in the process of being moved to a new nursing home & he’d let me know when she was settled in & he could get me some good info. Then we had close to a foot of snow & I couldn’t safely navigate getting out to my car. The roads finally cleared up & I planned to go see her that afternoon That’s when my former boss emailed to let me know that she had passed on the night before. Yes, I’m feeling very sad & yes, I’m feeling the loss. Still, I know there was not much more that I could do for her during her final days. IF you had made it to visit with your friend, you would still be feeling sad & feeling the loss. You had kept in touch with her & you had offered to visit & she knew that you were concerned for her & loved her. From her putting off your visits, it sounds to me like she was too sick to need company & she knew that you had done EVERYTHING you could to be with her.

My husband died in his sleep with me there beside him & I was seeing him EVERY day & I was still sad & I still felt a loss; so, I don’t think that visiting with her would have made you feel any better!!!

I’m so sorry, @JLeslie.

Yes, that’s happened to me. I felt angry at myself, and disappointed that I hadn’t gotten a chance to say goodbye. It drives down just how final death is.

(Hugs)

I have been very lucky to almost always have just seen someone before they died, and was always so grateful that was the case. I either have flown to see them if they had become ill, or got lucky and bumped into them, and then they unexpectedly died. I’ve just been very grateful for the recent last contact, but I didn’t get that this time. Although, I am very glad I had texted with her just 3 days before.

My sister works for hospice and she said the last meeting is more for those visiting than the person dying. Maybe so. I don’t know, I see how different people are. I think I would never be angry or upset that a friend didn’t rush to my side, but I have one friend who would be. She keeps count of stuff like that. My dad really cared when one of his friends flew up to see him when he had heart bypass, but my dad is that type of person, my mom wouldn’t care so much. I’m not sure about my friend who just died,

I’m inclined to think she would have liked that I came out to see her. I feel like I wanted her to be sure she knew everything was ok with us. The last time I was supposed to be out near her my husband and I cancelled our trip. She had offered for us to stay with her, which we probably would have. She tended to be insecure, I worried she thought I just didn’t go see her, but we really didn’t go at all. I’m overthinking it.

Ugh, and she recently told me she had an 8X10 photo of me and would send it to me. Maybe that was a clue that she was sorting through things in case she died.