Jealousy + Hatred towards a new student?
Asked by
Melody12234 (
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January 16th, 2019
from iPhone
I have a friend who has been acting pretty down ever since a new student arrived. I went to go talk to him about it and he surprisingly opened up to me. He said he hated this new student and yet he didn’t know why. (Although to me, it was pretty obvious.) Yet, I listened to his side of the story. He hated how the new guy just magically popped up out of nowhere whenever he was talking to someone. He would “practically” steal the spotlight. But, this new guy is honestly the nicest person you would ever hope to meet. I really would like the both of them to get along! My friend is pretty much confiding in me because no one else wants to hear about his problem towards the new guy. I would really like to help them get along or perhaps get my friend to the point where he would at least tolerate him. Any ideas? I’d love to have another point of view on this issue. :)
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6 Answers
Tell your friend (s)he’s wrong. Your friend dislikes the new student out of jealousy and insecurity.
Being nice and welcoming to the new student will make him/her feel better. He needs to fake it until he makes it, or else be seen as petty and jealous. Hopefully, if he can put on a front, eventually he will come around to actually wanting to include new people into your group.
He needs a lesson regarding the golden rule. What if he was the new kid? Wouldn’t he want people to be welcoming? He needs to work on his empathy.
I disagree. Telling someone they’re wrong is almost never the way to help them cope with something. You could say instead that you understand his feelings and perhaps they come from a fear that he will be replaced in people’s regard but that people an like the new guy and still really enjoy him for his special qualities. It sounds like he needs reassurance not condemnation.
@janbb is right about not actually telling your friend straight out he’s wrong. Once you say something like that he won’t be listening to your words after that, he’ll just shut down.
You have taken the correct first step, by simply listening to your friend. Keep that channel open and encourage your friend to speak to the new guy. They may share some things in common.
I understand your good intention of wanting them to get along, however, this matter is between him and this new guy. It’s not wise to purposely make them to get buddy-buddy when one of them clearly against the idea. If this new guy is a good person and your friend can see that then let him decide to accept this person on his own term. Live and let live.
Sometimes personalities just don’t click.
I can understand your frustration, and desire to make it turn out positive, but if they are going to ever get along, it has to happen naturally.
I agree with the point made that you should just be a good listener. Often that is the very best favor anyone can offer.
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