Any advice on how to continue with basic functions while dealing with depression?

Start by getting up and making your bed every morning. Then make two lists. The first should be things you want to get done in the next 6 months. The second should be a list of things you enjoy in your life. Focus on the good in your life…bring in the good energy. And maybe before you do either of these things, talk with your husband. He is there for you and your actions/attitudes/behaviors will impact him. At a bare minimum he will worry about you. He is your best friend, isn’t he? He is your confidante? He is on your side. He knows you far better than I do and might be able to come up with better strategies.

Do you have a therapist? If so, make an appointment. In the meantime, try (and believe me – I know how difficult this sounds) to just fake it till you make it. In other words, pretend. Just pretend you feel good…or anything at all. Try smiling when it’s appropriate, because smiling isn’t just a reaction to joy, it can actually generate those emotions. And most importantly, do something.

Go for a brisk walk. When you want to turn around, go 5 minutes further. Get your body moving. Clean your house. Work on some project you’ve been putting off for a long time. You know you’re going to be miserable anyway, just do it now with the understanding that you will feel better.

This is not permanent. But it sucks. You can get through this – even if it feels at times as though you don’t really have any desire to do so.

And finally, if you have any opportunity to be of service to others, do it. It doesn’t matter what it is. Do you have a neighbor that needs help cleaning up their yard or moving some wood? Do you have any neighbors that are lonely and just need someone to talk to? Lend an ear. As strange as it sounds, efforts to make yourself feel better can be counterproductive. But doing things for others can have positive effects on your own mental state.

What I do is have a warm shower then a food that I enjoy. I drink plenty of water. I make the best that I can when I sleep. Like a good mattress and special pillows. Like My pillow and high thread count sheets. If you are going to spend most of your day in bed you might as well make it a priority to make it comfortable. Take a relaxing nap in the sunshine when ever you can.

You have taken the first step to getting better! Congratulations! Asking this question and writing these details is the first step, and it’s a huge one.

Thank you for trusting us enough to share your situation with us now just like you did in this previous question. Like I told you in that previous question, I am a person who lives with bipolar disorder just like you. I understand how awful this disease is.

I am also now working in mental health, so I know a little about this disease. Bipolar depression is not the same as other types of depression. My doctors have told me, and I have read in the literature that it does not react to antidepressants the same way other types of depression do. That probably sounds very discouraging. I’m sorry.

We who live with bipolar disorder need mood stabilizers to limit the effects of both the lows and the highs. I am not a doctor, but if I were you, I would immediately start taking the full dose of Topamax that you said in the previous question you were titrating down from.

Next, and this is important, call your psychiatrist, explain you are in crisis, and that you need to get an appointment ASAP. When you see the doctor, tell them you want to talk about alternatives for Topamax.

Finally, tell your husband. I know it’s hard. I know you don’t want to be sick. I know you want to be well. I really do know. He wants you to be well, too. Tell him.

I wish you all the luck with getting out of the black pit of despair. I know how awful it is. I’ve been there. You can get out. I promise. I got out. It’s not easy, but it can be done.

Do just one more thing to help yourself get better. Tell your husband. You don’t have to do anything else. Fuck the messy bed and house. Forget it for now. Forget how you look. Just tell your husband you’re hurting.

You guys are awesome. I wish I had the energy to say all the feelings I just got from reading these replies.

@Hawaii_Jake Thank you. Seriously. I teared up reading your comment. It really hit home. I had no idea that depression works differently in bipolar and now it makes complete sense. I’m going to take your advice as it seems very logical.

@ItalianPrincess1217 All the best to you! You can heal. I did. I promise you can too.

I am going through this right now. Usually I let myself have a day or two where I do as much nothing as I want. If I sleep the entire day away, so be it. When I am going through it, it feels like it will never get better, but it does. I have Bipolar Disorder ll, which for me mostly is depression. I am on meds for it, but sometimes it gets the best of me.

Another thing that helps me is listening to music that I can relate to. It doesn’t matter what kind it is for me, as long as it just feels right.

And if I am in that crying stage, I just cry. As much as I need to.

I hope this helped a little.

@anniereborn Thank you for sharing and I’m so sorry you’re going through the same thing right now.

I think if it lasts more than a few days get in touch with your psychiatrist. Maybe you need a medication change. Or, if you have a therapist, do a few appointments, maybe some talk therapy can help.

You have been through an incredibly stressful time. I know I sound like a broken record about that. Moving and health problems for both you and your husband, it’s no wonder you are feeling it psychologically.

When I’m depressed, I usually allow myself a day or two of being almost completely nonproductive. Then I force myself to fake it if I have to. I get dressed, and go out. It might just be a few productive hours. I also plan some things that I usually like to do. Looking forward to things always seems to help pull me out.

I also focus when I’m doing something I enjoy. Being in the moment of appreciation, even if it’s enjoying being comfortable and warm in my bed. Or, enjoying a favorite TV show. For you it might be watching your kids play. Tricky part, it’s hard to enjoy things while in the pit of depression. For me, I’ve learned to find lack of physical discomfort and pain enjoyable. Also, I hate being cold, it paralyzes me, and mimics depression for me. If you think the temperature of your house has anything to do with it, and you can afford it, raise the heat 2 degrees. For me sometimes the difference between functioning and not functioning is 2 degrees.

Maybe your depression is somewhat related to the seasons? Is it worse for you when it’s winter time? SAD is a real thing.

Bipolar depression can be even more difficult for some in my experience than non bipolar depression. I’m not bipolar, so I can’t guess what it’s really like for you. I hope you feel better soon.

Good and sound advice, above.
I think it’s also time to tell your husband “nope” instead of “yep”.
A partner’s supports is/can be crucial or at least very helpful.

@JLeslie It does occur more often in winter. I think this was a combination of winter blues, not getting out of the house in weeks, not socializing, changing my meds, and my husband’s health issues.

I had a nice conversation with my husband last night and opened up about it. It felt uncomfortable at first but after a few minutes of talking I felt a little relief. He was happy I finally came out of our bedroom and explained what was going on, even if he can’t understand it.

^^That’s good you spoke to him. He might be worried your suicudal, or that you feel it will never get better. It always helps me to remember that eventually, usually, I climb out of those depressed feelings. Knowing logically it’s a temporary state helps me.

Let your husband help you while you’re in the worst of it. Having a helpful spouse in hard times is a true blessing.

Maybe look into those special lamps that are supposed to help with SAD. I don’t know much about them.

Maybe you’re lonely? That usually is a source of depression for me. Needing girlfriend contact that sort of thing. Or, more interaction with the public.

First, I would suggest being honest with your husband. If you’re not feeling ok, then let him know so he can support you emotionally (as a man, there are few things that are more frustrating than when you ask your significant other if they’re ok and they reply “yep,” and you know they’re lying to you).

Second, break tasks down in to small pieces. It may sound silly, but instead of wash all of the dishes, just make yourself wash the 3 dirty bowls in the sink and put them in the dish washer. Or instead of folding all of the laundry, just try to fold 5 shirts. I promise you that once you start you’ll probably keep going, and even if you only get that small goal accomplished, you can still feel good about hitting your goal. Lots of small victories is the best approach.

Best wishes. Depression is a struggle, but there is an end and things will get better. There was a time in my life where I was terrified that my brain would be unable to experience joy ever again, things that should have been triggering that emotion weren’t for me—as if I had a permanent failure in my neuro-chemistry. I remember wondering if a life without joy was worth living. All I can say is that it was a struggle, but I emerged from the experience a much stronger person. I can and do experience joy now all of the time. Hang in there and take one day at a time.

Update:

Thank you for all the advice. I did go back to the mood stabilizers and felt almost immediately better. The next day I was functioning again.

@ItalianPrincess1217 That is such good news! And thank you so much for the update. I’ve been wondering.

Good to hear, @ItalianPrincess1217, I’m happy for you.
Can I ask, what is a mood stabilizer?

Good question, @rebbel . Mood stabilizers are medications that are for treating bipolar disorder and other mood disorders. We take them to combat the disease’s ability to create extreme high moods (mania) and low moods (depression). They keep us stable.

Thanks, @Hawaii_Jake .
Not to be taken by ‘normal’ sufferers from depression therefore?
Or sufferers from ‘normal’ depression?
Or, are those specific for bipolar sufferers?

They are specifically for persons with bipolar disorder. Persons with other types of depression take antidepressants. Bipolar depression does not react to an antidepressant the same way.

Thank you, again, @Hawaii_Jake.

It’s good to know you’re back on track now. Maybe my comment is a bit late, but I hope on some point this could also be a help. I’ve been there also, so aside from taking meds and trying hard to take over myself, listening to worship songs made my mood or feelings lighter. And so my spirit lifted and everything follows. Best of luck to you and God bless.