Any ideas on how to deal with the emptiness you feel when your child is at the other parents home?

Get a:
Book
Boyfriend
Hobby

Find something to concentrate on that will keep you from ruminating. Get your meds changed when your daughter goes for visits

Get up a game of poker with your buddies.
Do you have Cartoon Network?

I was a single parent from the time my oldest was 6 yo (my twins were 2.5 yo). Their mom moved across the country and got them over the summers (school break). I took that time to work on me. I had to discover things I liked to do. I started dabbling with dating eventually. But I thought about it like this: If I wasn’t a well rounded person, I couldn’t be the best parent I could be for my kids. And being a well rounded person to me meant knowing who I was.
I took time to try new things. I chose things that I thought might be fun to do with the kids as well in some cases so when they got back we could do something different. I didn’t look at their time with their mother as time away from me and I NEVER treated it like a competition with their mother.
So go online and see if there are any clubs in your area that might interest you. You could find new friends and learn new things and you might find yourself working through some of your angst.

I don’t have meds @Tropical_Willie !!!! Are you saying I need them! ;)

This made me laugh outloud!

FWIW, I don’t think it’s fair to expect your daughter to talk to you on the phone when she’s with her Dad for a weekend. This is their time. If it’s a few weeks, then maybe you could check in once or twice but i would give her space. I understand it’s hard for you but she will be growing up and going away in time. You have to learn to have fun when she’s away.

Yeah it’s a week – I can handle the weekends fine, just the long weeks always feel like they take forever….but yes….. I hear you.

I’ve been single for 4 years….. I’ve met some people but no-one ever really stuck because, well I like my time to myself but maybe it’s time to invite someone else in… I’m too stuck in my own head.

You need to find another reason to live.
And you need to understand something better. But what? Try to find out what is missing in yourself.
It is not your about daughter be in danger for sure—maybe it is fear to be lonely because you don’t feel completely safe by yourself? Did something happen in your past? Is it about to never have someone to talk about the “hard-to-understand” topics that cross out your mind at night?

Talk with someone about your (specifics) doubts about the world.

2. The thing you need to do is write down about what you are afraid of happening to your daughter then the facts about it.
Can it happen for real? Let’s write down the possibilities.
But not here… Take a notebook. :)

I’m saying if you are stressed by your child being gone for a week your Doctor/Therapist needs to know and maybe work on it with therapy or meds.

yeah a therapist would be a good idea…

I don’t know why it seems so hard for your kid to text you back briefly about her condition. If she can’t talk, she can always text at her earliest convenience, not to mention that kids these keep on texting non-stop to their friends. If you keep on texting her multiple times in a day then I can understand her feeling of having too much ‘supervision’, but it’s reasonable if you text her once in a while when you feel like it. So long as you know her father is treating her excellently there’s nothing for you to worry about.

She’s 6 . ... sorry I may have mislead you in the message, she doesn’t have her own phone x

^^ Oops!, my mistake, I should’ve known that she kept on seeing him ever since she’s 2. If she doesn’t have a cellphone then I couldn’t blame you for calling her. I understand that it could be a bit upsetting when your kid seem to favor your ex-husband more than you, however what’s more important is that she’s happy there, not to mention that she’ll eventually come back to live with you, and when that time comes you’ll have your chance to prove it to her why she should care more about you. Times spent apart will only make your bond grow stronger, as the saying goes.

If I were in your situation (and I don’t have a child, nor am I divorced—full disclosure), I would try to be happy that my child is getting to spend time with her other parent. It’s healthy and important that children have good relationships with both parents (when possible/appropriate). Many children aren’t as lucky as your daughter and have parents that die or abandon them. Try to stay positive about the situation and that might help. Best wishes.

* I totally agree with @janbb . That time she is with her Dad is their time. They are doing something together, even if it is eating, watching a movie, cooking something together, or reading a book.
A phone call to, or from, you is an intrusion into their activity time. It is not a positive experience for anyone,
Think for a moment what happens when you call. They are in the middle of something.and Ugh! The phone rings. “It’s Mom calling again!” And what is the conversation? Here’s what I did… until you called.

You need to resist the urge to call. Use the time she is away to do something that can’t easily be done while she is home with you. Clean, exercise, organize, do a project, call a friend, start thinking about dating, read,, etc Find an activity for you! Anything!
Just leave them alone. It is better for everyone.

You’ve already received some excellent thoughts and advice. Much of what I say will be somewhat redundant.

Please focus on the very good fact that your ex-husband loves your daughter and has a good relationship with her. All too often, non-custodial parents ignore their children and aren’t in their lives, a form of neglect that’s heartbreaking and damaging. Instead of intruding on their time together, nurture and encourage that relationship. When you start to make your daughter’s time with her father “about you” instead of them, resist the inclination and be happy for them.

Of course you’re sad when your daughter leaves for a week. You miss her. As many other Jellies have already recommended, find other things to fill that void. Your daughter’s time away is a chance for you to: tackle those messy drawers and closets; organize boxes of old photos and put them in albums; see movies that are too mature for a young child; hit local museums for exhibits that wouldn’t interest a 6-year-old; catch up with your adult friends; read the book you’ve been wanting to start.

My ex had the kids everyone weekend. I got a boyfriend and every other week end I had me some grown up time that I had missed over the previous decade.

All of the above is excellent advice.

What I would add is that you need to be busy. I remember a famous female saying (although I can’t remember who it was) telling her daughter when she was young, that she was going to have to work, because the parents had gotten a divorce, so she said to her daughter, “I’m going to be busy, so you need to be busy.”

Basically, you need to be filling your time with activities, rather than allowing yourself to wallow in sadness. Unless you think your ex husband is a bad person, and it doesn’t sound like you do, then realize that your kiddo is in good hands.

In the meantime, take out that tablet and start making lists of plans, and activities. Some things will be fun things you like to do, or have always wanted to try. Other things will be busy/useful work, like cleaning and organizing your closets, or painting your living room, or creating or changing out your garden.

You also should plan in time to be useful for other people. Help your elderly neighbor with her shopping or her housework, bake some cookies or a cake for someone, offer to walk a dog.

You should also look into joining a club or two. What do you like to do? Do it with other like minded people. Examples: an art class, a choir, a walking group, a photography club, volunteer at a food bank.

I splurged on food that the kids didn’t like. I really pampered myself on those weekends!

It seems your situation isn’t so bad and can be looked at in a more positive way. Your daughter’s father appears to be responsible and your daughter likes being with him. If that were not the case things would feel much worse. Look on your free time as an opportunity to enjoy yourself and to plan what you might do when your daughter is again with you.

Don’t trouble your daughter when she is with her father. That is not a good idea. All parents have to learn to let their children go whether it be to school or to be with their friends or later to be with a partner. Let them go and be happy for them and you will find they will always be with you.

Thanks Guys, you’re all right, my daughters Dad loves her to pieces and she loves him, its not about their relationship it’s about mine and how lonely I am when she’s gone as I’ve been a single parents for 5 years and her and I are super super close. For the record I know what I’m feeling is SELFISH… I get that… but it still affects me and really badly this time around. Maybe it’s because I’m feeling some what depressed as well right now.

I just really miss her, apart of it is also because she normally calls me every night to say goodnight, or she’ll send me pictures from her Dads phone and this time around it’s quiet… I’m not getting any of that and when I call her to say Hello -which has only been 2 x in 4 days so far, she’s just gone ‘oh hey Mum’ – where normally she’s so happy to hear from me, so this time feels different, she feels more grown up – more independent…. and I guess I’m not the independent one…. I’m the attached helicopter parent….. that needs help to find her purpose outside of her child!!!

You might as well get used to it, you will be less and less a part of her life as time goes on.
I have always been very involved in crafts, so I kept busy sewing, knitting and doing needlepoint. I designed projects and then completed them. I also began volunteering at various programs that interested me. A couple of years, I took a part-time job at a health club day care center. I loved that because I got to take exercise classes free.

Yeah the cold hard facts are hard to hear…. it’s our job as parents to lead and to bring up brave, independent curious children, and thats what I“m doing – but it hurts when I no longer feel relevant and she’s only 6!
Omg…. I need to find a husband….... thanks @YARNLADY and everyone else for saying it how it is. Toughen up tan!

@tan253 A husband or a wonderful group of friends? It doesn’t have to be a man.

For the record I know what I’m feeling is SELFISH

What you’re feeling is human. We all understand.

I second @janbb’s idea about finding friends. I’m not married, and I find much of my strength and joy, surrounded by friends.

Yeah maybe, I don’t have friends really – I’m far too busy with work plus I have a bit of an anxiety disorder – so going out sometimes really is hard work! I’m feeling slightly better today, and I do have a friend here for 2 days visiting – so will see if that helps, is it weird that online people help like you guys even though I’ve never met you all – still feels like ‘support’ – makes me feel better.
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