[NSFW] I feel disgusting and that I’ve ruined my life?

No. You have better insight then most 17 year old’s. Everyone thinks that they have screwed their life up a one point. It gets better. I failed out of university and thought that I would be a CEO of a fortune 500 company by the time I was 40. I am happy now and I do a little bit every day towards a goal. You will do just fine.

It only defines your future IF YOU LET IT. So don’t let it. You sound intelligent and you clearly have the ability to be introspective. We can see that.

Try and think about it this way:

You’re seventeen. Like all teens, you are in a point of development where you try certain things to test your adulthood. You made some errors. OK – everyone does. Not one person who has lived through their teens has ALWAYS made the right decision all the time.

So – learn from it. Grow from it. Look at these recent (bad) experiences as I learned something I don’t want to do again. And then move on and do something else. The worst thing you can do is dwell on it.

There is an old tale that was told about Thomas Edison, the inventor. He had just perfected the light bulb. He was asked “did you ever feel like a failure for trying a thousand different times to get the light bulb to work?

Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.
Great success is built on failure, frustration, even catastrophe.”

So it should be with you. Realize what you did wrong but move on to other things.

You must endeavor to persevere

If I had a dollar for every time that I thought that as I was growing up I would be rich by now.
In life we measure ourselves with different yardsticks unfairly.
This happens all throughout life when we measure ourselves against some impossible perfect imagined life.
You are young and learning about your decisions and its consequences, so change the pattern and consciously choose better, friends, situations,goals etc.
Consider the outcome to each choice pro or con and decide what is best for you by taking responsibility and control of your life instead of letting fate or the wind dictating your decisions.

What @elbanditoroso wrote.

You learned that doing those sorts of things makes you feel badly about yourself, and probably are worth avoiding. You learned about losing control of situations. You learned you can have a freeze response to being violated.

Your shock at what happened indicates that that’s not who you are, and not who you want to be, and are an opportunity to not be that way.

When can choose how to be in the present (if we’re aware enough of our past to dismiss it), and that gives who we are and what we do and what happens.

Welcome to being a normal teenager. Many teens in the US try things they shouldn’t, mainly because of peer pressure. They are doing things because they feel they “should be”. You are at an age where life is very confusing. There are so many experiences to try and you are in a rush to grow up and stop being a child. You think doing more experiences will do it. That isn’t what being an adult is all about…it’s about maturity. Maturity is about thinking before you act. It is about self-control. As for how you feel about what you have done so far, start off by forgiving yourself. We ALL do stupid things at one time or another. Learn from your mistakes. If you lost a love because of a poor choice, don’t make that choice again. But one insight of that…if you lost a love because you kissed another guy, it wasn’t love to start with. A good love…one where you and the guy love each other…can handle something as simple as an errant kiss as long as you aren’t making a habit of it.

Who you are is not fixed in stone. You did things you regret doing, which means that you have learned a lesson and have been transformed by the experience. As Nietzsche said, That which does not kill us makes us stronger..

An error in judgement does NOT define your character as long as you LEARN from that mistake!!! IF you truly despise some of the things you’ve allowed to happen in your life just do NOT “allow” them to ever happen again!!! YOU have the power to determine what you do or don’t do. Pushy guys are a dime a dozen; so, it is up to YOU to just say NO!!!

The boyfriend who dumped you for just kissing another guy didn’t care for you to begin with & he would have dumped you anyway somewhere down the line .At 17, you’re just beginning your life & it’s the things that you “choose” to do from here on out that will define your character. Just remember how you’ve felt since your past mistakes & make BETTER choices from here on out!!!

You’re getting ready to join the age of becoming an adult, & it’s time for you to take responsibility for your OWN actions…Learning when to say NO can make that process easier!!! I’ve made many poor choices in my lifetime & I chose to learn from them & NEVER make the same choice again!!!

There’s no reason to feel ashamed about your sexuality. It’s a perfectly normal part of being a human being. Behaving on your natural instincts and curiosity is also normal. I would say that the only mistake you made was letting other people pressure you into doing things you weren’t comfortable with. Listen and trust yourself going forward. Throw the shame/guilt crap out of the window, it’s not going to help you.

You want to push the reset button? Then do it… right now! Tell yourself that you’re a strong person and from this point forward you’re only going to engage in activities on your terms, when you’re 100% comfortable with them and then let the rest of the shit go.

Sex is a super tricky landmine field, especially for girls and I’m so sorry that you went through it. I remember at your age being told sex is so great and we should all want it and go after it, so I did. Once. Well, in the end, for young, inexperienced girls being with young, inexperienced boys, it’s hard to understand what the big deal is. And, as a girl, you’re left with a feeling of being unclean and ashamed in the end,and the boys talk about you behind your back and it all sucks.

Have you heard the saying “Time heals all wounds?” This applies. As time distances you from those events, they’ll start to fade and hurt less and less…as long as you don’t let it happen any more going forward.

As someone up there said, you are much more self aware than most 17 year olds so just take one day at a time. Slow down, pick your partners carefully, screen them for a few months before hand to make sure they really like you, and you’ll feel much better about yourself.

Welcome to the Growing Up Club. You’re going to be fine. (((hugs ♥)))