How do you feel about upcoming social events?

99% of the time I very much look forward to social events. Sometimes I get a little nervous before the event, if I is a one time only type of event. Like a special vacation, or someone’s wedding. I worry a little about getting sick, or something messing up my ability to go or to enjoy myself.

I don’t have a lot of family occasions I need to deal with. I have friends who have a routine of the family getting together very regularly, like every Sunday, or for birthdays, and the family is big so every month there is a birthday, and I think that would get on my nerves after a while. Family can be difficult. My husband’s family judge too much and generally they have to be right. They can be very funny and fun on a special occasion, but too much time together and topics come up that are hard to navigate or ignore. My family it just depends who you are talking about. My dad is a lot of work. He’s great if we are being entertained, but if he has a lot of time to think or talk, he will drive you (me) crazy. It’s like homework and a test.

Also, special occasions like anniversaries or my own birthday, I don’t care if it is celebrated a week late, or nothing big is done, so I’m very loose about. If I do plan a party or dinner or something then I get excited looking forward to it. If I am going to someone else’s birthday party I usually am happy to go, and if I really didn’t want to I probably would have RSVP’d that I won’t be going.

Where I live there is entertainment every night for free. I rarely obligate myself to going to see it, but once in a while I make arrangements to go with, or meet a friend. Mostly, among my friends, it’s more like a last minute thing, not planned, so that’s really nice. We just text each other something like “are you going to Rocky and the Rollers tonight?” And, then responses go something like, “I’m already here,” or, “If you’re going I’ll go”, “or, “no, not tonight.” No obligation, but always something to look forward to if you are interested. I feel incredibly lucky to live in a place like that. Even if I go alone, it’s fine. Listen to the music, talk to people or not, enjoy the outdoors.

I want to buy tickets to three shows coming up, but I might just by two, because they are very close together, and sometimes then it feels like too much obligation. I try not to obligate myself to a lot of events one after another.

I’ve always loved going out, music, dancing, theatre, etc., but I don’t like to be so booked I can’t rest. I need to do nothing a lot. By nothing, I mean I want to be in my pajamas at home watching TV or even doing some work, but comfortable with my feet up, no make up, eating whatever I want from kitchen.

Also, most of what I have in my calendar is within 30 minutes from my house, most are 15 minutes away. If it was a far drive every time I would be less enthused.

Everything in moderation.

I dread them, but always enjoy them so I make myself go. I am gregarious and an extrovert, and I used to love to anticipate such things, but no more.
There is no rational conclusion I can draw for the dread, as I said I always enjoy myself.

Just going a bit nuts with age, I guess.

@canidmajor You don’t know what you are dreading? Having to get there? What to wear? Time spent getting ready? Juggling your schedule around? You can’t put your finger on it at all?

@JLeslie: Nope. It’s a conundrum. I’ve thought a lot about it, because it makes no sense.

I generally don’t look forward to most of them. The formal affairs in particular I’m apt to try to avoid, but like @canidmajor, once I’m there, I usually have a marvelous time. The wife insists my reluctance to dance the social mambo is about old age and nothing more. One of our dear friends, required to run through a certain amount of money at the yacht club, decided to toss a dinner party honoring my wife’s birthday (again) the 3rd such affair since the big day a month ago. The shindig is scheduled for next Friday, I know good & well that her name is thrown in front of these things to forestall my weaseling out. She denies any complicity, but the giveaway is that unlike the other “putting my foot down” events that pop up all too frequently, she will purr “you don’t have to go” to anything with her name in front of it. One of these days, I swear, Im gonna take her up on it.

Mostly happy. I have some fun events that I have coming up, that involve music, travel, food, and friends.

I don’t go to “social events” where I think I won’t enjoy myself.

Luckily, my relatives are good, enjoyable, nice people. No funny uncles or complainers.

My grandfather, and his second wife, who he married after my grandmother passed away, were annoying, demanding, and sometimes they said inappropriate, or insulting things. I don’t think they did it on purpose, but this was 25 years ago, when they were in their 80’s.

They came from a different generation, and from areas of the country where racism wasn’t veiled, and pointing out people’s weight gain, or whatever other physical differences they just noticed, was the way they had always been. Example, “I looks like you’ve gained a few pounds since I last saw you.” Even though that sounds awful, I truly believe that it wasn’t meant as an insult, it was just a statement of fact, as they saw it. My friend’s mother, who was considerably older than my parents used to say things like that too. She was also fond of saying things like, “I don’t pull any punches” and “I call it like I see it” Back in those days, we simply tried to take care of them, and tried not to cringe, or take offense at things they said. Those people have since passed away, so socializing with family is much easier, and nicer now.

My one relative, who is. Trump-loving, gun loving person who doesn’t believe in universal healthcare, or having to “pay for anyone else” with taxes, has moved away from our family in CA, with her like-minded husband, to live in a state and town that is more comfortable for her way of thinking. Inam completely estranged from her. She unfriended me from Facebook after she attacked me and one of my friends, with some ugly, angry rants. She is estranged from one of her brothers for similar reasons, and her sister (the diplomat) has limited her contact to simple, occasional texts.

Needless to say, this relative and her husband do not attend family functions.

I am very lucky with the rest of my relatives, who are smart, fun, nice people. And all of them are excellent cooks : )

I have a small group of very close friends. I very much enjoy doing things with them, even if it is just sitting around chatting.

The last 5 years I’ve started absolutely DREADING social events with a certain group of “friends.” I force myself to go to 99% of them so I don’t become antisocial or give them more reasons to bully me about being a loser.

I especially have become terrified of socializing without my husband.

I have a few friends and family members I look forward to being around and can’t wait to hang out with. These are the people who are accepting of me and my personality and make me feel good about myself. They are the people who are the most real, relatable, and have a sense of humor that allows us to laugh a lot and be goofy. At the same time I can talk about deep things with these people.

The “friends” I struggle with are superficial, brown nosing, shallow, egotistical bullies. They can be cool sometimes but I almost always feel bad about myself after spending time with them. I can’t really escape them, they are in our lives by force and aren’t going anywhere.

2 years ago my husband and I gave up social media so we could feel better about ourselves. We found out we 1. miss out on a lot of invites and conversations that happen online and 2. we don’t boast our lives and show people how active and social we are.

For instance, we had old friends from out of town stay with us for the weekend but none of us posted on any social media pictures of the dinners, events, touring and drinking we all did. A friend of ours saw us at the grocery and I said we had a whirlwind weekend and before I could further say he said oh a lot of binge watching Netflix? He was very condescending about how we normally stay in… which is NOT true. I know we seem we are off the grid but people are assuming we just don’t do anything.

With other females I notice they talk A LOT about things that happen on social media and I don’t have a lot to say in response to that. This has caused me enormous anxiety with socializing.

Socializing has become agonizing for me. I used to love being around people but not anymore.

What hasn’t changed is my favorite place to go – concerts, the louder the better. It’s my favorite place to be with my husband and my close friends. I always look forward to that.

Also – I am so guilty of being excited to go to something and spend a lot of time getting ready, picking out an outfit and doing my makeup and they once I feel like I look great we get there and I’m totally done 5 minutes in. I’m over it and ready to go. I get panic attacks and sometimes cry and beg to be taken home. So sometimes it is like I am excited to go out but I don’t enjoy it once I’m there.