Can I sue him? (NSFW)

Paragraphs are really helpful for making your questions readable.

This guys sucks. Move on. You’ve wasted too many years of your life with this looser. There are plenty of men out there who know how to treat a woman with respect and would love to be in a relationship with you. Honestly though, I wouldn’t jump into a new relationship, I’d spend some time as a single woman and focus on yourself and your other friendships and family relationships. People in a healthy relationship build each-other up, not tear each other down. You need some time to re-calibrate mentally.

As far as the legal questions I’m not a lawyer, but you might want to look into Palimony. I think it varies a lot from State-to-State. That said, it doesn’t sound like you both have many combined assets and the legal question is just a pretense to try to hurt him back. The better way to get revenge is to move on with your life and show him you’re better off without him weighing you down. Best wishes and good luck.

I was left with the impression that they still live with his parents so there is absolutely nothing to sue over. You can’t sue a person for being an asshole.

Move on. Start over. Start by getting your own place

Instead of a lawyer, you might want to see a therapist. You sound like you need to build back your relationship with your family and learn to love yourself. I think what you actually love about him is the was he was when you were first together. He hasn’t shown you any love and respect and everyone deserves that in a relationship. It doesn’t sound like the two of you have accumulated much, so I wouldn’t expect to get anything from him. Yes he didn’t want you to work, but you went along with it. Take your cat and your clothes and never look back. Welcome to Fluther.

That is no longer possible for me. Once i slept with him it was done for me. I wanted his children, we even had them named. I dedicate my life to the person i choose, and he was it. i dont want a new guy, i cant love a new guy. My dream was his children and if it isnt him i dont want them. there is no point in dating. no point in “finding someone new”. that path has strolled by long ago.

How old are you?
What country do you live in?

@HurtingBrokenWoman There’s absolutely no reason to think of finding another man right now. You may or may not feel differently down the road. Right now, get out, get a job and work on building a new life. You probably can’t sue and there is no point in it anyway. It’s time to get out and get clear.

@HurtingBrokenWoman “i dont want a new guy, i cant love a new guy.”

You were very certain that this was the man for you, and yet he turned out to be a looser. I don’t think that certainty has served you very well. Why not keep an open mind? Take some time. Get some space to clear your head.

A woman isn’t “tainted” once she’s been intimate with a man. I’ve only ever dated one girl that was a virgin in my life. Every other relationship I’ve been in was with a woman who had already been intimate with other men. I would say that’s probably true for the vast majority of humans on this planet.

Even the cat? Why can’t you take the cat? And I’m sorry that you’ve thrown 7 years of your life away on a man living with his parents, who played you for the doormat you most assuredly are. The days of a successful breech of promise suit against any but the top tier rich are long gone, and judging from your story here, you will almost certainly be painted as a freeloading doormat sponging off the largesse of your boyfriend’s parents. It’s time to stand the fk up, pick up the cat and leave your useless boyfriend. Do it now. Go back to your parents if they will have you, even if you must endure their derision. Start building your life, and vow not to play the chump again. It’s time to grow up.

i made a promise a long time ago to myself. i don’t break promises, esp to myself. i promised myself id only sleep with ONE person, no one else. And he was it. I can’t take the cat because I don’t have a place to go. I can’t get to the job I’ve lined up because the car is in his name. If he ends it, i have nothing, i have no one to turn to, nowhere to go, and i can’t take the little one with me just so she can starve to death or get sent to the pound

Well, obviously you have some practical problems to sort out, don’t you? Probably mending fences with your folks and trying to spend time there makes sense if you can.

If you’re not looking for solutions, we really can’t help you.

See a counselor.

No you cannot sue him and expect to win. You have no case.

Are you American? How old are you?

@HurtingBrokenWoman A mature person realizes that keeping stupid promises that they made when they were young is stupid—especially when doing so will ruin their life. Promising to only ever sleep with one person is a dumb promise to make to yourself. It sounds like you’re still have the mindset of a child and have a lot of growing up to do.

Anger is a normal stage of grief. I’ve wanted to sue people before and that eats you up inside. Get on with your life. Finish school and get a stable job. Do that and guys will come clamoring all over you. The difference is that you won’t need them , and you can pick and choose according to your whims, not theirs. A relationship is better when both sides are equal.

This sounds like common teenage stuff that my angst filled younger cousins, who didn’t finish school, or go to work, get involved with.

I don’t mean to make light of your situation, but I see this same story on Facebook every day with young folks who don’t seem to understand how things work, and don’t want to get help from a therapist, and wallow in false romantic notions of how love should be.

Most people go to school, then get a job. Marriage is something in the future, for mature people (doesn’t matter how old you are, maturity comes, or doesn’t come, at many different ages). No one should get married in a depressed, angst-filled state, without a home or a job.

Go back to your parents, and beg them to take you in, but only if you can promise them that you are 100% willing to get yourself into therapy, you are done with romance for a few years until you get yourself sorted out, and then you either go to (and finish school) or you get a job.

In the meantime, you become the cook, and the maid, and the gardener for your family. You need to be busy learning how to be a responsible adult. DO NOT engage in dating or romance with anyone until you get yourself sorted out?

Afraid you’ll be lonely? Probably, but so are lots of people. Make yourself busy. Help your parents with their home. Be productive, get a volunteer position helping other people if you can’t find a job right away.

Make sure you get some therapy to learn some better ways of coping. Make an appointment with your primary care physician to get a complete check up, and have them refer you to a therapist. Get yourself sorted out, and move forth, and become productive.

If your parents won’t take you back, find someone else, a relative, or family friends to take you in, and do all of the above, but in their home.

DO NOT move in with a guy. Do not concern yourself with love, or dating, or sex, or romance. Give yourself a few years to get yourself sorted out, and to become productive.

As to your question of whether you can sue? No. You made a series of bad decisions. You picked a jerk for a boyfriend, and he acted like a jerk. That kind of thing happens every single day, because young women sometimes have a very false sense about romance, usually based on novels, movies, and TV shows.

You made the decision to leave your parents home. Another bad decision. The jerky boyfriend didn’t do anything illegal. You are free to leave at any time. If you stay there with him, you will be making yet another bad decision.

Now is the time to leave, and beg help from your family, and vow to make intelligent decisions from this point forward. Even if you have to go to a shelter for a time, and partake of their social services.

I don’t want you to end up like my cousin’s former girlfriend. She sounds just like you. My cousin, though, was not a jerky boyfriend, he was the nursemaid to his young, uneducated, dramatic, depressed girlfriend. He finally got worn out from taking care of her. She did not want to hear from anyone who suggested that she get therapy. They ultimately broke up, and she found another young guy to take care of her, while her woe and victimazation, and depressive, angst-filled life continues just as before.

Don’t be that girl. It’s all over Facebook. Be the girl who takes charge of her own life. We want you to be happy and successful. Please come back and let us know how you are progressing. I wish you luck.

You might be too young or inexperienced to realize it, but that promise you made to yourself is impossibly stupid. It’s like promising yourself you would never make a mistake. But never mind that. Time will reveal to you the foolishness of your assumption. If you are indeed trapped where you are, you must find the discipline to work relentlessy and with obsession toward escaping this situation and controlling your own fate.

Well its a good thing that you never married!

He has you over a barrel knowing that you will stay regardless of how he treats you.

He is controlling you giving mixed signals..affectionate & understanding then abusive.

He probably is wondering how much abuse does it take for YOU to finally stand up for yourself to demand better treatment and respect.

( calmly, not arguing as he is setting you up this way to abuse you even more)

I figure that he is keeping you waiting until your youth fades then HE will tire of you.

Leave now with dignity because you love yourself first as it should be. Do not depend on another to give you the love that you crave.

Go to a counselor or place that offers free counselling to free yourself of this never ending saga.( counselling will uncover the WHY you think that YOU have to take this treatment)?

What would had happened had you had children…think on that?

Just as be abuses you he will certainly abuse the children too.

Get out now and end this cycle of behavior by taking charge of your own life!

If you ran away before and was unsuccessful..why?

Didn’t you go to a women’s shelter, or free counselling!

Is this a Culture/Country of behavior that you and others accept?

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Just had a thought on how you can get positive assistance….Form a Women’s Group and gather women who can give strength to all participants!
Surely one or more will be willing to take you in or provide an out for you in a safer way.
Right now you need other women who will understand and help you.

I’m not sure what your case would be in a lawsuit, unless you take him to small claims court for material goods of yours that he kept. All in all, it sounds like he was a douchebag and you set yourself up to be a doormat. It sounds like you compromised on a large number of things in your life along the way in an effort to make things work with this guy. You should not have to choose between your family and a new guy. You should not have to give up working (if you want to) just because some guy tells you to. You should not have to take crap from his family. My suggestion would be to get as far away from this guy as possible, write off anything he has of yours as a loss and a lesson learned, and take some time to figure out who you are and what you want before you try having another relationship. Write down what you think a healthy relationship would look like and then don’t settle for less. And remember, you cannot change people. They are who they are. If they change, it is almost always due to them wanting to change, not because of something you do.

You know, with your train of thought, if you sue him you’re going to really piss him off, and then you’ll have to live with that for the rest of your life.

@Dutchess_III
Yes and probably stalk her!
He is already dangerous and will get even more so (possible).
Don’t sue but leave quietly and hope that he moves on away from you, for your safety, I hope that he leaves peacefully.

He won’t have to stalk her. She will be living with him. Forever.

@Dutchess_III
Or until she has had enough?
Problem is when will that be realized by her?

Read her details and responses. She’s in it for life. That is what everyone has been trying to talk her out of.

You folks actually view this man as dangerous from the description given?

No, I don’t. He’s just a user.

I don’t know enough about him to know if he’s a danger. He is a pathetic loser user though. He has no guts, either.

It sounds like she has moved into a family of means. There are aspects to her story which convince me that this saga is not taking place in the United States.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm/
Read this to realize her situation.
It defines abuse and how it escalates etc
At least it gives her a resource to get help before its too late.

I don’t think so either @stanleybmanly. Or in any other civilized country where women can take care of themselves and don’t need to settle with the first guy who tells them they’re pretty. I have a feeling she’s more trapped by her society than anything else.
I wish she’d tell us where she’s from.

@Dutchess_III
Yes that is the factor that would explain her resistance to leave, because she has no positive resources around her that would understand and help her.If we knew where then we could direct her to get help, but not disclosing makes it harder to help her effectively.

@stanleybmanly
Of course..she has a history of abuse relayed in her post. See link to domestic violence and how it escalates and why it happens in the first place.