How do you (or how should we as society) teach young people not to buy into the false romantic ideas about relationships that are propogated by TV shows, movies, and books?

Oh, God. You really can’t. You just can’t.

There are all sorts of messages out there. First there is the relationship of your parents. Then there is Prince Charming stories, Leave it to Beaver stories, and Presidents Trump, Kennedy, and Clinton stories.

I think in school we should teach relationship communication. It’s useful for family relationships, friends, work colleagues, and spouses. Communication includes how people miscommunicate, listening skills, patience, empathy, conflict resolution, and more.

In the relationship class we can also have young people do an s recuse in thinking through what they want in an SO, including thinking long term.

At home, parents need to work together well and be an example, but let’s face it, that’s not always how things work.

Girls Get hooked into “bad boys” sometimes, because those men know how to make a girl feel pretty and wanted initially. Maybe girls need to be taught the routine to be wary of it I don’t know.

The girls are going to go tiwth the Prince Charming fairy tale every time.

I think for the most part boys have a far easier time negotiating the minefield of teenage angst. My own experience growing through teenagedom was some 6 decades back, but even then I had no fairy tale illusions or tv inspired notions on the way things worked. I of course had these yearnings for girls I viewed as unobtainable, but viewed myself as a geek and not possibly in the running. And so I was always surprised at any evidence of a girl showing an interest in me. But it would happen, and always in some peculiar fashion leaving me puzzled. For instance, in the Summer before my sophomore year, I rebelled and told my poor folks that I wanted nothing more to do with the Jesuit prep school, and would prefer the notoriously high achieving public high school, the reputation of which was achieved primarily through the large population of competitive striving Jewish kids in the mix. My 2 big memories of that first year there were first: my stupidity in wearing my royal blue baseball jacket with white sleeves and “Prep” emblazoned on the back to school. I made it as far as the second floor before I was accosted by a trio from the football team adorned in the proper letter sweaters and purple and white jackets of the school I was insulting. They spoke not a word, but promptly seized my skinny ass and inserted me head first into a large cylindrical trash can and rolled me back down the stairs. Talk about humiliating! I can remember crawling from that can, covered from head to toe with pencil shavings, embarrassed beyond description, ready for a dash to the restroom. But before, I could stand up fully, 3 shrieking girls jumped me, pulled me upright with “you poor thing—how awful— who did this to you, etc.” I would have cried if I could from the spectacle of the 3 of them drawing all that attention to my disgrace as they busied themselves brushing the trash from my hair and

I was once asked by an in love teen how she should deal with her relationship dump him or what to do if they stay together, because the sex was not everything she had hoped for.
I told her when she gets old, and needs somebody to help her remember her name, the sex would seem lots less important, but the man’s patience with her would be pretty important.
I told her if she had been with this guy for several months, and loved him, maybe the relationship was worth saving. I also told her that over time I learned that if you are too embarrassed to openly discuss with your partner what is wow and what isn’t then you aren’t responsible enough to have sex yet.
That is what I would tell a girl.
What I tell boys is, don’t touch anything between her armpits or hips. Yeah, because boys can’t be responsible about sex. They just have to be threatened and told don’t.

I think that as storytellers, writers have a responsibility to distinguish the difference between what could be, and what will be.
While it is true there can be drama in relationships, we don’t need to invite drama to have a relationship.
Drama sells, so that is what authors write and editorial staff gives their stamp of approval.
It would be nice if a cozy, happy story could be written and be popular. Let me get right on that.
As adults, we have a social responsibility to explain to our kids, and by our, I mean human race kids, not just the ones we gave our DNA to, how media can be exciting, but is not a guide to live our lives by.
If authors can find a way to fit that into their story, they should.

I may be wrong, but it seems like the boys were interested in getting a girl to simply “put out,” where as girls were trying to look for “true love” in that mine field of boys trying to cop a feel.

Where does it say they are false?

The romantic books, TV shows, and movies suggest that if a girl simply feels enough love and passion for a man, and if she is willing to put up with any kind of pain, and ill treatment, from him, that she will get love in return. That is a crock of shit.

I’ve known more than a few men that believed that

Not all TV shows, movies and books are incorrect in their showing of romantic life. I think in my day all young girls thought that romance and married life was just a bowl of cherries.

^^ You just made my whole point. A lot of women think that romance is a bowl of cherries. But they might also think that they need to put up with a pile of shit, to be loved (which is the bowl of cherries).

What are you using as “my day?” I was born in the late 60’s and on TV shows marriage was calm and nice, but in real life my parents fought constantly and other big imperfections. I grew up thinking married people didn’t really like their spouse. TV did not trump what I experienced daily. I grew up watching Disney also, and I never personally had a fantasy of Prince Charming for myself, that was a cartoon. Just like I didn’t believe Bugs Bunny was real. Maybe now that Cinderella is a movie played by actors it looks more real to kids than a cartoon.

My sister for some reason was affected a little differently than me. She feels her family was worse than most, and that her friends had “normal” parents who are nice all of the time, don’t yell, etc. I’m glad my peers shared with me the dysfunction they grew up with, it made me feel like everyone has some, which probably is more true than not. I don’t think my sister had any sort of Prince Charming fantasy though.

The generation before me, and older, many of the woman saw the way out of their parents’ home was to get married. That I think is the Prince Charming thing. A man gets you out of the house you grew up in. Disney never shows how the marriage is though, the movie ends.

“Your day” is no different than anyone else’s day @kritiper. Infatuation has always been what it is….Romeo and Juliet, Cleopatra and Mark Antony, Lancelot and Guinevere…MAID MARIAN AND ROBIN HOOD!

That’s not what the OP alluded to.

“How do you (or how should we as society) teach young people not to buy into the false romantic ideas about relationships that are propogated by TV shows, movies, and books?” How do you figure that Romeo and Juliet isn’t what she what she alluded to?

That wasn’t in the basic, primary part of the question, which showed a negative inclination. TV and movies as I remember most of them almost always showed the brighter, happier, more positive side of the subject, not the negative side as seen in Romeo and Juliet. Like “The Donna Reed Show.” ‘Dennis the Menace.” “Father Knows Best.” “I Married Joan.” “The Dick Van Dyke Show.” “Leave It To Beaver.” “The Real McCoys.” “The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet.” “The Andy Griffith Show.” “Family Ties.” “Love American Style.” “That Girl.” “Bridget Loves Bernie.” “Happy Days.”
To name a few…

@kritiper, all of those shows, as well as Dutchess’s picks make lovey dovey romance seem enticing. Happily ever after and security in the case of Donna Reed, and burning hot passion and lifelong committment in Romeo and Juliet. All of that is fake, but young women, in particular (as I have seen from the desperate questions from young women over the years on this site) seem to yearn for that false scenario. When it doesn’t materialize, they feel desperate, used, and disillusioned, and have no idea why “happily ever after (even in death)” doesn’t happen.

I wish these ladies could look for decent, kind men who have common interests, and common life goals, instead of hooking up with jerks who are “hot” and/or who promise burning, passionate, possesive love.

^^^ right. It’s all a myth.

@Kardamom Shoot, I know that. So why are you telling me?? You were the one who asked the question.

@kritiper, because you seem to be missing the entire point.

@kritiper YOU know that and I know that and every other adult knows that.
The young people don’t know that. They buy into the myth. The question was how can we convince them it IS a myth before they make a mistake.

Let us keep in mind that I didn’t ask the question. You think I’m not getting your point when I don’t think you’re getting mine.
It is best to let children make mistakes because trial and error is a very good way to learn. One mistake we as a child rearing society make is to try to protect our children from all harm, both real and imagined, instead of letting the children find their own way.
@Dutchess III The “myth” you see here is one that is based on shows that have that aspect that you see and not the shows that don’t, like the ones I mentioned. Sure, some do as you suggest. But you make it sound as though they ALL do.

So we should not try to teach our children how to look for ans cultivate good, healthy relationships? We should just let them get burned, and have children with abusive, cheaters? Because that is how they learn?

Most RV shows and movies are not a realistic view of how healthy relationships are made and maintained. Children, especially girls, seem to buy into the fake scenario, and get burned when they pick out a hot dude who doesn’t care for them, and then they blame themselves for being “damaged goods” or that somehow they have failed because they are not supposed tonsleep with more than one man, because all the TV show couples are happy and faithful, and only ever have one partner. It’s not realistic. Neither is swallowing poison like Juliet.

No one even came close to suggesting that @Kardamom. We’re trying to figure out how we can warn the kids, especially the girls, away from thinking all that romance and passion equals love, when all it is lust that a guy can find with virtually any girl.

I guess you didn’t read the Q that my question was based upon then, or anything kritper said. Which negated the unrealistic expectations of some young women, much to their detriment.

Many young women try to find, or emulate romantic stories from TV shows, like Donna Reed, or classic books like Rimeo and Juliet, or Wuthering Heights, or Beverly Hills 90210, and are shocked, and disappointed when those fake scenarios don’t bring passion, and lifelong love and happiness. Sometimes they just keep trying to make the fake scenarios happen, no matter how much they get burned, no matter how pathetic and foolish the situation.

Yes, and I agree. We are on the same page, but missing each other some how.