Should I move out?

Your doing fine. I didn’t move out till I was 35. Most 20 somethings have two children and play video games all day. While the wife works three part time jobs while living in the parents garage rent free.

You have asked this before. This is the version that doesn’t mention that you are pissed off at your siblings for their life choices.

Your job and your desire to become a nurse is terrific. You have some broken record in your head telling you that you are a loser, even though no one else, at least not in Fluther, thinks that. It sounds like your parents don’t think you are a loser either.

Out here in CA, rent is so expensive that many younger folks move out later, or even move back in with their folks. As long as you are working, or helping them, or going to school to get a better job, no one out here would think anything is wrong with that.

I said this before on your other question. I think you are depressed, and you look at things in a very negative and skewed way. You are probably also exhausted. I can tell that you suffer from extreme anxiety.

You really need to see a doctor, first, and then get a recommendation to a therapist who specializes in anxiety, and someone who can help you deal with your poor image of yourself (and your siblings).

Before making any new decisions, you need to get yourself sorted out first.

Never mind what some dumb articles say. I defy anyone to give me a coherent account of what makes someone a “loser” that is backed up with empirical evidence or sound argument. Those articles are just some peoples’ opinions, and their opinions are no more authoritative than yours or mine.

Here’s mine: when the question of adults living with parents comes up (which is often), I always say, there’s nothing wrong with living with your parents as long as you’re not living off of your parents.

As for the specifics of your situation, jeez-o-pete, you help save lives, how can you feel like a loser?

You’re a hard worker and you know what you want to do with your life. That will get you further in this world than talent or brains—IF you don’t sabotage yourself with groundless negativity.

Do you know how many of us second-guessed our choices, corrected course andjust kept trying? You are young, stop beating yourself up. Self love and confidence are really important. If your parents are okay with it, stay a bit longer, use that time wisely, save up. And if someone is making you feel bad, examine that relationship.

@RedDeerGuy1

How were you able to handle not being able to move out till 35 and what exactly what keeping you from that? I am by no means trying to think of you like something else but I would greatly struggle to deal with having to live with my parents for that long and how I would look in the eyes of the public. Heck, I struggle with it now because I am a firm believer that young adults should not be with there parents after the age of 24.

@Kardamom

Yes, I have asked this before and I do apologize for how annoying it must be to see it again but with extra words. The reason behind me posting it again was due to me trying to figure out if moving out may be the best for me.

Thank you dearly for the kind words in regard to me wanting to become a nurse as terrific. I do greatly appreciate that and I wish I could have done it sooner rather than later. I am afraid that I will not be a nurse until I am close to the age of 30 or at least 30.

It’s sad because even though I work so much I am happy doing it because I am not home. For example, whenever I am home I hate it because I am just in my room studying or relaxing. My dad retired from the NYPD after 22 years at the age of 50 and ever since then I have always felt like a burden and that I was digging into my dad’s retirement savings. My mom and dad always buying stuff like groceries, car maintenance, etc. Having to buy extra stuff for my brother and sister because they either don’t work or barley work. The only thing I use from my parents in the house, TV, Wifi. Other than that I pay for my own phone, food, car, insurance, clothes, etc. I avoid having my parents really pay for anything.

I’ve heard how expensive CA rent is and I can’t imagine having to deal with that. The sad thing is I am working and going to school but I wouldn’t say my career choice is the best. I am studying to become a paramedic right now which many do not make really anything. I am lucky enough to find a good company out in Texas that pays more than what the average salary is for a paramedic. They start them off at $60,500 and my plan was to work for them as soon as I became a paramedic but it’s been killing me having to wait for so long. I just want to graduate and get my paramedic and work for them already. They have great benefits as well. You contribute 7% of your check to the company and they match 200%. Medical, Dental and vision are all free and the salary is good. The only downside is they run a lot of calls and are very busy but that’s okay to me because the average salary for a paramedic is 35–38K. I just won’t be able to hopefully work for this company until I am halfway into being 26 years old and that’s sad to me having to live with my parents for that long until I was finally able to move out.

While working for that company I was going to slowly start working towards my Nursing through the paramedic to RN bridge program.

I agree with you that I am a bit depressed over this and I will not deny that but I think the depression is more due to how I look at myself and how I know i’m better than what I am currently in. I look at all the success of other people and say to myself I am better than that and I should not be where I am. I can see how tired my father looks on certain days and it kills me. I want my father to look good and happy. Its so bad that I try my hardest when I am home to clean and do the dishes. I am basically a stay at home dad when I am home because I do not want my parents doing much when I am there expect relaxing.

@Zissou

You are right that some articles should just be avoided but I guess I look for other peoples opinions about me as my happiness. I hope to God I am not living off my parents. I work and pay for all my own stuff. I hope my father is not thinking he needs to provide for me.

Well, I would not say I save lives but rather I am a medically qualified uber driver haha. This profession is good but at the same time many people do abuse the system but that is another discussion.

I guess I look at my life as too short and want my career started now rather than later so I can make my parents proud. I would give anything to have my brother and sister moved out and living successful lives along with myself so my parents can live on there own by themselves again enjoying life. Maybe go on vacations and doing thigs they had plan for retirement. All my father has done since retiring is taking care of family members. We brought in one family member who was dying and was stuck in a nursing home before bringing him in. We took care of him until he passed and then my father’s dad came down with Alzheimer’s. We took care of him until he passed and now my father is looking for a home in Pennsylvania for him and his wife along with his mother who will eventually get sick and be needed to take care of. He also will have my brother and sister with him. I hate that for my dad and mom. That’s so much stress and I hate that. I want better for my parents.

@KNOWITALL

I absolutely believe that everyone in life has second-guessed something. Many have said I am young and this may sound funny but I just don’t feel like it anymore. I feel like I need to have my career started already and have a girl who I am engaged too or planning on marrying. I also need to start thinking about kids soon. I have no idea but these are things that pop into my head because of how I was raised I guess.

@LoadingMedic All that is fine, but the conversation you have with yourself in your head is very important to your mental health. Calling yourself a loser is self-sabotage, build yourself up!!

You have time to find a career you love and time to find a love that lasts. Just don’t rush through being young, because it’s gone way faster than you think and never comes back around.

@LoadingMedic I have friends who have their adult sons living with them (25 and 22 years old) and the friends (the parents) pay the boys’ cell phone bills, buy them cars, pay for gas and maintenance and insurance, take the boys on vacations. If you don’t ask your parents for those things, then to me, you’re ahead of the game.

When I was 30 I started working at my present employer (over 20 years ago) and I made a little more than 26k annually. I had an apartment that was 850 a month (this is in one of the most expensive areas of the country – I realize that in some areas people don’t pay that kind of rent now, 2019). I had a one bedroom apartment, 850 a month, making 26k. If I could pay that on 26k, now with inflation and rents what they are where you live, I’m sure you could pay 1500 rent on what you make. In the meantime, save up while you are living at home with your parents. I’m sure if there’s one thing your father would like while you are living there is that you are saving your money.

As for your sister and brother, they are doing ok so stop worrying about them and concentrate on your schooling and/or career.

@KNOWITALL

You are right that the conversation I have with myself is important. Today I was talking to my dad about my future in Houston, Texas next year and how excited I was. He was happy for me but he also said that he had wished I would have gotten my paramedic a couple of years earlier so I could have already moved down and started working for this company. It’s tough because to me that is like him saying in a nice way… “I’m proud but I would have been prouder if you did this.”

Thank you for the advice. I’ll have to keep focusing on myself.

@jca2

Yeah see with me I can’t have my parents helping pay for my bills. I will not allow that. I started paying for all my own bills when I turned 21 years old. I never liked having my parents pay for my stuff. I always focused on paying for my own stuff and tried my hardest to never allow my parents to buy anything for me. It got so bad that when I turned 22, I focused on stopped asking for stuff during Christmas. I really only asked for underwear and socks. My parents were upset about that but that’s how I was because I was at the age where I didn’t want my parents buying me toys anymore.

In today’s world, the majority of apartments for one bedroom and one bath is roughly between 1,050–1,300. I did, however, find an apartment that was going for 900 dollars a month. I am currently looking into it but it’s tough in my situation because I will be starting clinical for my paramedic program and I am not sure how many days a month I will be needing to do for it. I am hoping I will land this one firefighter job I interviewed for a couple of days ago that pays about 34–38K before taxes. This will at least allow me to make more money while working my other part-time job. I just hope I get the job. I won’t hear back for a couple of weeks though.

You seem to enjoy beating yourself up!!! You’re working toward an honorable career & just had a few hiccups along the way. I don’t think that you should move out!!! I say stay there until you can finish your education. Just be responsible & IFit would make you feel better, offer to pay rent to your parents so you’re NOT living off of them…you’re contributing to their retirement. When I was 32–35 I kept reading articles that IF I wasn’t married by the time I was 40 that there was NO hope for me to ever get married & be happy. Sure enough 40 came & went & I wasn’t married. I lost hope & gave up on getting married. Not long after my 50th birthday, I met the man of my dreams & we got married. I found the Prince Charming that the “so-called experts” had promised me would never be there for me…WRONG!!!

I think it would be crazy to move out & possibly screw up your education just because somebody who doesn’t even now you made a blanket statement which doesn’t apply to you!!!

@LadyMarissa

Hey,

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my question. I wouldn’t exactly say I enjoy beating myself up lol but I do have occasional mental battles with myself. A lot of people on this question have been saying similar stuff along with no moving out but too be honest I think I need too and this is why. My mom and dad will not exactly say they want me to move out but they do hint at it if that makes sense. For example, I had a deep conversation with my father yesterday about offering to pay rent or something to at least help out with and he interrupted me right away and said no. No matter what I said he would not allow it. I then went into discussion with him about how I was feeling and how I wanted to just make him proud of me and to be the person I am meant to grow up as. I told him I did not ever picture myself being home at this age. He told me that he was proud of me but that’s expected from my parents because they are rarely harsh.

My father then began to say that he and my mom were going up to PA to start looking at houses in person in May. He said he is really focused on finding a house and moving before December which I hope is true because I want them to for there own health and mental well being. The issue is when my parents move my Grandparents house that we are currently residing in will still be here for me and my sister to just help us get through our schooling. My sister graduates in December while I graduate in February and still need to take my National Registry Test and pass that. My dad said he would like to be able to sell my Grandparents house before that seeing that when he and my mother are in PA, it will be harder and stressful to sell the house. That’s why I want to get an apartment and move out now so my parents can hopefully do that and will be less stressful on them. I can move out if I am able to find a third part-time night job. I would work that part-time night job roughly 4–6 days a month just to make that extra income to help pay for anything that may come up and to be safe.

My dad said I was not hurting his retirement or anything seeing that he gets a pension from the police force every month but still I feel like I am and I hate it. I think my father is just being nice. He kept saying over and over again me and mom will be fine.

I am pleased to hear that everything worked out for you and you found the love of your life. That is awesome! I personally can’t imagine getting married and having kids at that age but everyone is different and I would never judge someone.

I know politics are bad at times and can cause some emotional swings but I felt like I needed to say this. I would consider my views on life pretty conservative. I was raised democratic before switching. With my views, I have been constantly dealing with the thought of my life not lining up with my political views. For example, I feel like I need to be out of my parent’s house by now but I am not.

If you do end up reading my reply and taking the time to make a response, I would like to say thank you in advance and I greatly appreciate it. I hope nothing I have said in my post is harmful or rude. I did not mean it that way and I do greatly appreciate your time!

@LoadingMedic That makes sense, if they want to sell before moving. Can you find a roomate or someone to split expenses, or maybe even a room to rent in a house, since you’ll be working so much? Or maybe a cheap studio apartment?

Being conservative does tend to put more emphasis on personal responsibility imo, so I understand where you’re coming from, you want to be self-sufficient and not living off mom and dad’s generosity- I get it.

Your dad sounds great, so I’d take his word at face value and just start looking around for a room or garage apt, or something cheap. Often when college is out for the summer, those rooms become more readily available, so maybe around May/ June, more rentals will come up for you.

Just make sure you leave a little room for some fun and enjoying your 20’s, too. That’s actually really important for your mental health.

@KNOWITALL

Yes thank you for understanding and this is why I am stressing out. I have tried to find a roommate but none of my friends want to move in together because they are comfortable staying at home with there parents. Also when I search online for roommates it seems sketchy because I personally just struggle to trust random strangers especially when it comes to my financial credit. I have really good credit and I would be extremely upset if that got messed up.

I even looked up houses to rent and there have been literally none except for ones that are starting out between 1300–1600 a month for a room.

I appreciate you understanding my political views and also not being upset by them. Thank you.

Stay home as long as possible and save up, @LoadingMedic. Forget the roommate idea – that can be a lot of trouble if the roommate skips out and then you’re stuck with the entire rent.

@jca2 I agree with you about the roommate situation. I did, however, find an apartment in my price range that I can afford but my concern is the reviews for the place is pretty bad and it may not be the “nicest” facility but if it’s decent enough I may move in for a year until I land that job in Texas. Once I do ill move out. I have to visit the apartment complex in person tho.

So, @LoadingMedic How did you make out with everything?
You could not have foreseen how the world would be changed by Covid only a few months later.

Are you happy?