What to do about a bipolar mom who screams nonstop at me, her husband, and the kids?

This is a heartbreaking situation but if your citizenship status is safe, it sounds like you need to look for a different position. You can try to help the kids but ultimately you can’t protect them from her, that is her husband’s job. It sounds like the job is truly miserable. If you got your job through an agency, I would ask for another position.

I hope you can improve your situation soon. I feel for you.

Welcome to Fluther! Hope we can help.

I told her I am a paid worker not a slave not a target for her rage and then she told me to stop yelling at her and being so nasty to her .Her husband always has an excuse for why she acts that way.I don’t want the kids thinking this is normal or growing up thinking they are bad because their mom is nuts.

Once again, I can only suggest you look for something else.

I would also suggest finding another job as you seem to have no experience with bipolar and how to handle it, and probably are making it far worse for everyone by antagonizing the poor woman.

I wonder if it would be possible to get the dad on your side by telling him that you are going to have to look for something else if this continues. Tell him that you suggest she see a doctor and since the doctor is objective, let’s see what the doctor says. Hopefully the doctor would prescribe some medication for her. It’s sad that the kids are growing up that way but and it’s flippant of me to say this is not your problem, but you have limited means and power to help them if the parents won’t do something about her issue.

I did tell the dad maybe we should take the kids to the park so his wife could relax after work. I got no response. He says he thinks it is early menopause ,but according to her kids, her relatives and her ex housekeeper from years ago she has always been this way.

This sounds extremely toxic for you and the children. Please seek help and do what is best for you and children

could I call children services and send them a tape of how mom acted or would I put them in a worse situation?

@bridgittheaupair If you do end up recording the mom, be sure to check the laws in your state. In some states it’s illegal to record someone unless both parties consent—I wouldn’t want you to get into trouble.

The husband has to get off the dime and seek help for his wife. Were I in your shoes, I would make the recordings of the woman, because regardless of how this turns out, YOU are going to suffer from the turmoil, and are at ground zero when the situation erupts into the legal system. You should brace yourself, and be in the process of seeking employment elsewhere. But even granted the fortune to escape this doomed family prior to its detonation, bear in mind that you will almost certainly be called upon to play a critical role in future ajudications. You will not be painted by a favorible brush. Hang onto the tape.

Sounds like it is time to move on to another job. I’ve dealt with crazy before…it doesn’t cure itself and there is nothing you can do.

I would suggest that someone talk with the school counselor to let them know what is happening to the children, as they are the innocent ones been subjected to this onslaught from the ill mother and it will damage them for life if not addressed soon.

At the very least the children see what normal is when you are in the equation as a comparison .

Leaving the children in this abnormal home could lead to abuse of them in the future.

What country are you in?

Is there available counselling services to seek out for you and the children?

The school should be informed of the problems and perhaps they may offer more assistance in the form of counselling and can intervene by bringing in professional agencies to help.

Once this is in effect you can decide whether to stay or look elsewhere knowing that the children are taken care of better.

Half looking for an exit strategy half waiting to see what happens. I think they might be getting divorced and I might see what happens from there. Thanks for all the good advice.

I might suggest that you tell the husband you are leaving and why and if, in the future, he finds a need for you he can call you again.

@bridgittheaupair Were you hired through an agency? If so, you might talk to them about it, see if they can find you another placement but also see if they can help the family in any way.