Older jellies: are your friends getting flaky? Are you?

I guess if you ask some of the jellies on Fluther I am pretty flaky. I agree I am crusty, but have been for decades now. But most of my friends and I manage to be pretty good at making and keeping plans with each other. I do have one very good friend that I only get to see every couple years or so due to geography (500+ miles away). But when one or the other of us say we are coming nearby, plans are made and we always make them happen.
I do find that sometimes I will think about something at night that I want to do the next day, but if I don’t write it down, I tend to forget until the next day when something else triggers a reminder. I’m not talking about things like a doctor’s appointment, but more things like wanting to call someone for information or to price out something either at the store or online. But I used to never forget those things.

It really varies from friend to friend and I don’t feel that age is a factor with mine. One friend is consistently later than she says she will be but that has been for 30 years. another consistently changes plans but that too has been consistent. And several are as reliable as taxes.

The first friend I mentioned has changed a lot in this respect. There wasn’t any problem 10 or even 5 years ago. So in her case I do relate it to time; same with another friend who is gone now. Part of the reason for the Q is wondering whether this is something we see a lot as we get older or it’s just a few cases. As usual here, I’m looking for personal experience and not just sources I can google.

I’m well into the older bracket and I don’t keep in touch with friends nearly as much as I used to. With some friends the arrangements we make we stick to with others it is difficult to make arrangements due to work, illness or other commitments. We are now scattered geographically and the desire to be among friends every day and for most of the time which I once felt is no longer there. It seems enough for me just to catch up occasionally but I do still like to do this.

I’m well into working on my second 55 years!!! I was there when my BFF was born & we’ve remained besties for over 67 years. We have a set schedule where we meet for lunch 1 day every 2 weeks. I’m always ready & good to go She’s getting really bad at waiting until the morning we’re supposed to meet to send a text with a reason she can’t make it. Only problem…she forgets the lie she told when she begged off & the next time we get together, she tells the truth about what she did that day. It’s not like she’s suddenly being honest…she simply forgets to continue with her lie!!! Like she’ll text me at the last moment to say she’s sick & can’t make it. Then 2 weeks later she’s telling me about her life & lets it slip that she went to the mountains that day with her husband. I don’t care that she feels the need to spend the day with her hubby; however, I really do wish she’d just say…My life would be easier if I spent the day with my hubs. Can we make it another day? It always hurts that she feels the need to lie to me. I understand that her hubby comes first (as he should); but, I do NOT understand why she can’t say I can’t make it today because hubs is feeling insecure today!!!

Her husband is very possessive & extremely jealous of our friendship. I’ve told her at least a thousand times that we can stop our lunches for a while until he gets past his jealous stages. She always insists No Way as he’s not going to decide who she spends her time with & insists that we still continue as we planned. Then she turns around & lies when it’s totally unnecessary because I’ve learned what the problem really is. Yes, it still hurts my feelings, but I really do understand at the same time!!!

I’ve noticed that since she’s passed 60 that she’s getting to where she can’t say NO. Whoever she’s talking to is going to get the Yes. Then she’s going to lie to the other person because IF they ask she still might say Yes to them also.

I always arrive ½ hour early so I’m not making her wait & she’s always 15 minutes late…unless I’m running late & then she’s early that day!!!

I do understand your frustration with your friend as I’ve been very close to telling mine that I just can’t make it for lunch anymore because she refuses to be honest with me when she has a problem & it’s wearing me down. At the same time, I’m NOT ready to give up a 60 something year friendship over her inability to be honest. She told me when we were a lot younger that there were many things that she felt she could do to me because she knew that I loved her & would eventually forgive her for anything that she did due to our friendship. I guess she was right…but it still pisses me off!!!

Now, for me, over the last 10 years, I feel that my memory is slipping but my friends swear thst they just don’t see it. I’ll think of something I want to google..reach for my laptop…& before I can get it open, I forget what I meant to look up!!!

There’s an old joke about the woman who walks to the refrigerator, reaches for the handle & as her hand pulls the door open she thinks…was I putting something i or taking something out. That is my life right now!!! When it’s something important, I give myself reminders on my computer & my cell starting the day before I’m supposed to do it & continuing to go off until maybe 1 hour before I’m supposed to be there. That helps me to remember what I might forget!!!

My friends have remained remarkably behavioraly consistent down through years. There is one guy who has always been dependably late for any function or event that doesn’t include his wife (who is always unfailingly punctual). Myself? probably. I certainly care a lot less for my former hectic social life. The wife on the other hand remains a dynamo.&

I am a little more flaky, but I have been since chemo, twenty years ago, so I’m not sure it’s about age.