How to deal with family?

Were you close to your parents before your brother passed?
Just give them some space to them you are here for them let them come to you.

@SQUEEKY2 I do hope this is just the parents grieving too much and not something darker. It looks to me that either the OP is being treated as a scapegoat, or is catastrophizing things.

It might be that your parents are grieving and have no constructive way of venting that grief. Tearing you down might be their way of putting your brother on a pedestal It might be that your parents have felt negatively about you for some time and just never said anything.
If you had no prior indications that they held these opinions of you, then you need to talk to them. Take them aside, when no one else is around (don’t need to make a public scene) and calmly ask them why they are tearing you down so hard now. Point out examples and ask if they truly feel like you are such a huge disappointment to them. They will at least see how their words and actions have been impacting you. At that point they will either see their error or will not care how you feel. Either way, you have removed one layer of confusion from the situation. It will give you something more to work on.

I’m sorry for your loss. How does that make you feel? Granted, I know nothing of your situation so I am making some huge assumptions.
Look in the mirror and answer these questions honestly. (Don’t answer here. This is homework for you to do alone.).
Are you acting out? Are you “behaving” and contributing positively to the your family’s living situation?
Your parents are under a lot of stress. Are you adding to their stress or, are you reducing it?

Hiding in your room playing video games and listening to metal does not help the family. This is not the time for you to be a rebel. You need to be as supportive as you can be.
Do what needs to be done – without them having to ask. Put the dishes away. Do your homework. Study. Get the best grades you can. Weed the garden. Clean up your mess. Mow the lawn. Anything.
Just help.

@seawulf575 makes a good point. You need to have a heart to heart conversation with your parents. Calmly explain to them how much you love them, but you feel that the love is not being reciprocated. Tell them how much it hurts to be publicly humiliated. Say that you are willing to discuss any shortcomings they see in a non-hostile environment. If this approach does not work then you can consider shutting your parents out, knowing that you gave it your best shot.

You are an independent adult and making your own decisions as to how you dress, where you live and how you set up your own home.
Sounds like they want you to conform to what THEY want you to be?
Stand your ground and if need be remind them that you are an adult making your own way in life as you see fit.
You are also grieving for the loss of your brother too, do they not see that?
Everyone grieves in there own way.
Sorry for your loss and now the aftermath to deal with in regards to your parents expectations of you.
Sometimes one grieves the loss of one while forgetting the living .

Who the heck says the wrong son died to their kid?

I dont know your story or age, but if you’re an adult and able, just tell them to call after they heal and become decent humans.

Did you do or say anything to deserve that poor treatment? What would they tell us you did wrong? Otherwise, thats messed up.

I don’t think they said that him. It’s just how he feels @KNOWITALL.

My relationship with my parents has always been strained. Although I’ve always tried to reach out to them, they don’t normally react in kind. As a child I would holiday without them ( stay with other relatives) while they took my siblings on vacation. This progressed into my teenage years and I was very difficult to handle. I had a lot of mental health issues and I don’t think they were equipped how to deal with that. Once I left school it became evident that my parents didn’t feel I was smart enough for university ( this they told me). My family is very blue collar and wanted me to find work in the trades, but it wasn’t something I wanted to do so I found work in health care. I worked as a care aid for people who had either mental or physical disability. Since then I’ve actually retired due to my own medical issues and I’m no longer able to work. I have chronic nerve pain and have had to adjust my life quite a bit. My brother who died was the favorite son and I feel like they have been left with a defective replacement.

@majorbacon I see. Well those are not healthy things to dwell on. Be careful, you’re all probably a bit messed up over your brother.

Can you move out to somewhere else? Do you have any close relative to count on?

It does seem that your parents are playing the scapegoat/golden child game. It’s not healthy at all. You are better off staying away from them for at least some time. This is a difficult, almost impossible situation to negotiate. If you can, find a friend or an acquaintance that you trust and ask them to let you move in until you can afford your own home. The more you are around your parents the more they will drain you.

Seriously though, a year is a pretty long time to lament over a dead son. This is not normal.

@Mimishu1995 Sometimes it takes a life time.
No time limit on grief or remembering those that have passed away.

@majorbacon
Reading your comments on your life ,points to a personality called “The Maverick”
check out the definition online and the different types of Mavericks.

link: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/maverick

One sign that one is a Maverick is that they are isolated by choice or other as they think on their own plans and how they respond. Most become Entrepreneurs.
Being on your own does not mean negative, its how artists/musicians etc hone their ideas.
You could check online more on this topic as it is enlightening to read and discover if you are in fact one of these types who will not conform to what society/family expects because they see the world differently and can improve it.

@Inspired_2write I know grieving is hard and long. But with time people will learn to deal with the pain and function normally in spite of it. It’s been a year and the OP’s parents are still lamenting the death as if it just happened yesterday. Assuming the parents don’t have any personality disorder, this means they are seriously traumatized and need professional assistance.

Thank you all for your feedback, I’ve spent a long time thinking about this and I am focusing on what I can change. Namely myself, my conclusion was fuck what others think and work on being the best person I can be.