Why is my brother such a jerk?

Welcome to Fluther!!!

Your brother is a dick because that’s what older brothers do best. He’s at the age where most teens feel better or smarter than everybody else. They’re NOT; but, you can’t get that through their thick skull. Self confidence is one of the things teens need to transition into young adults. Some lose it & some don’t. He was an only child for about ⅓ of his life & then you came along & stole his thunder. Even if he won’t admit it, he resents you & is even a bit jealous of you. There were a lot of years that he was ignored & you received ALL the attention because you were the baby or the youngest & your parents protected you first. As you get older you’ll understand the why’s more & eventually you 2 may become friends!!! A lot of this will become clearer to you over the next 6 years.

DON’T give him the power over you to steal your self confidence. Being social will be your ticket to adulthood!!! Learn to ignore his overwhelming personality & begin to develop your own. Life’s NOT easy so be responsible for your own!!!

Didn’t you know? The world revolves around your brother…just ask him! He’s a big brother, though to be honest, 6 years older..he should be past the pick-on-the-younger-brother phase. Sounds like he is a typical moron teen. And I’m sorry, you don’t get to pick your family.
Tell you what…make a list of all the things he does that bothers you and why it bothers you and then make your own life work without all those things. It will make you a better person in the long run. For God’s sake, don’t sink to his level to deal with him!
As for your depression, confidence, and societal skills, I hate to say it, but those are on you. If you are going to let a dick define who you are, then you are settling for being subservient to him. Tell yourself every day that you are a good person and don’t need to meet your brother’s approval. His opinion of you is not going to define who you are.

It is scary as hell being oldest. It frequently makes a person into a dick to protect themselves from the fear of being in the lead.
Being oldest can make a person feel like their parents don’t have their back. Somewhere along the way it makes them feel like they have to tackle the whole world alone, or lose.

I tried desperately to apologize and make nice with my little brother. It was too late. I am forever his enemy.
Either ignore him completely, or from time to time do something that could make him feel special.
However you choose to proceed, know this, who you are has nothing to do with him. Be you. Be great.

From a dick to a younger brother…
I’m sorry. I do love you. Sometimes I am proud as hell of you. I do see your talents.
((((((HUGS))))))

Only your brother knows what is eating him.
Until he is ready to communicate his insecurity,leave him alone..soon he will hopefully realize that you did nothing to deserve what he had been dishing out to you and others.

There is always a bigger person that will one day straighten him out..or not, its HIS problem not yours.

There are lots of things that could make him this way,jealous, or perhaps something happened to him in College? ( girlfriend problems,grades etc)

Since no one is complementing him, he tries to bolster himself .
Could be drugs anything?

Talk with a counselor, for yourself on how to handle this situation.

Example: I have two older brothers only two years apart in age they are now seniors but the older one always denigrated the 2nd bother ( jealous of his successful life).

It is still going on and now neither will talk with the other anymore as the older on now 78 yrs old STILL cannot see that he is overbearing and loud and obnoxious.

The 2nd brother had it out with him about a year ago telling the older brother how he felt about his behavior etc

It is ONLY when the older brother’s health is deteriorating that HE BEGAN to realize that he is responsible for where he is now and always in his life NOT anyone’s fault but his own.

You are responsible for your life and where you want to be in life and how happy a life you want, no one else.

So take care of yourself and never mind what the older brother says or does, eventually you will move away and he will not have you to shoulder his anger of HIS feelings of failure.

Spend more time away from him doing the things that you like and socializing with people that are more positive in life for you.

You cannot change your brother, only he can and only when HE wants to.

I don’t know the answer to your question.
Find a life outside of your home life. Do things outside that will give you confidence and help you not be depressed. (BTW, were you confident and not depressed while he was gone to college?) Just try not to be around the house as much as you can, and ignore him as much as you can. Just wait for him to go back to college.

For now, forget about wanting him to be nice to you. Younger sibs tend to look up to their older siblings and to want their attention. Older siblings are trying to figure life out. They are ahead of the younger sibling in dealing with the crap. Dealing with feeling different than other peers. Dealing with school being more important because high school “counts”. Dealing with what major to choose because it affects the “rest of their life.” Dealing with dating.

I think the less you care about his attention right now, the nicer he might become. He has power right now, you worry about this more than he does. He knows you crave his attention.

You and your brother are many years apart, which means you also have an only child situation in part. Once the separation is over 5 years, the children are in much much different stages of life. Imagine if you had a 7 year old brother.

Still, you are right, he shouldn’t be a dick to you. Older brothers often are assholes. I know girls who say they wish they had had an older brother to protect them, and I just laugh and say there is a good chance an older brother would have been beating you up. I don’t understand idealizing older brothers at all. Some of them are great, but many aren’t, even if they wind up in adulthood being great brothers and men.

Stay out of his way, be with your own friends, don’t do anything to purposely be a dick in retaliation. Eventually, he will probably come around and regret that he has been an idiot.