What do you do when you invite a couple over and they bring their whole family?

Do you mean their children? Or their cousins? I’m not sure who you mean by whole family.

If I invited a couple with young children over, I would expect them to bring their children. Or I would ask them about everyone’s food preferences who was coming so that I could be prepared.

With couples, I always make sure to say ‘adults only’ night. A few times they brought the little monsters and it wasn’t fun for us, our dogs, or frankly, the kids. We didn’t have toys, didn’t know they were coming so we had breakables out, just better to stipulate in advance.

We have invited them back, but made it very clear they’d need a sitter.

That is a question that of course varies with the circumstances. Are we talking cocktail party or burgers and hot dogs? Actually, those issuing the invitation as well as those receiving it are responsible for establishing the clarity of the matter. If you know they have kids, you should specify the event is restricted to adults. If you are invited, you should ask if the kids are included.

I mean, release the hounds on the uninvited family & to hell with how the couple react.
If they choose to leave in a huff, then chef would have their guts for garters.

It happens. Some people aren’t educated on invitation manners. What is important is how it is handled by the host.

The worst I’ve experienced is when my ex BIL would show up while our family was having a holiday dinner. He wouldn’t say anything, and just walk around the dining room table eating off of our plates. It was creepy.

If I invited a couple and they brought their adult family without asking, I’d probably not invite them back.

How about some straight communication, for example:

“Oh my! I was thinking it would only be you and Matti! I don’t have food for seven, but we could all hop out to the restaurant down the street.”

It would just have be be clearer about stating and asking expectations when making plans with them in future.

Cancel their visas and send ‘em all back to hell!!!

It depends. I learned a while ago to try to ascertain how many people are coming. I ask how many, trying not to sound like I’m encouraging or discouraging the count either way. Most of the time I welcome extra people, as long as I have fair warning. I’m never going to say to someone they can’t bring their cousin who is in town, or can’t bring a date. As far as children, almost always I welcome children too, but I might warn they might be bored if I think they will be, just so the parents understand I don’t have kids and don’t have toys, and the parents should prepare for that.

The few times I have tried to exclude people I have regretted it.

Would I invite them again? Yes, but I would specifically know to ask how many they are bringing. I might not invite them to small dinner parties though, I would be particular what I invite them to.

@canidmajor I assume you’re being sarcastic, but I do warn be careful since I think that is a stereotype of “ethnic” families. Or, maybe it’s just a stereotype I have.

@JLeslie: I am referring to the Trump family horning in on the state visit. I guess you missed the news.
Pretty sure @chyna understood what I meant.

Actually my question was a subtle reference to an article I read where Trump and his wife were invited to dinner with the Queen of England and he brought his entire family.

@JLeslie: My assumption from the way the question was asked was what if they brought their whole family without telling the host that they were all attending. Of course, if someone has relatives in town or a date, and the host knows, it probably won’t be a problem. It would be fine with me. However, if someone showed up with two or three extra people in tow, especially if it were a sit down dinner where I had a set amount of food and place settings, it would be annoying.

@jca2 I also assumed it was people unexpectedly showing up with extra people, my only point was I try to avoid the problem by asking in advance, and not relying on people to do the right thing, which is to ask if it’s ok to bring an extra person or three, or whatever the number is.

If I know someone has kids or has parents living with them, I would be clear on the invite I think what the expectation is to try to avoid confusion.

At my wedding I was pushed to make it adults only, and it caused a really horrible situation that I regret. I wish I had never said adults only, it wound up babies and kids were there, because some people just brought them, and then children of one of my mother’s cousins didn’t come, because they followed the rule, and I really really wish they had been there. One of my best friends juggled watching her infant and taking turns with her mom so the baby wasn’t in the room. I feel bad about it still today.

@canidmajor Yes, I missed the news.

@JLeslie: My aunt told me at her wedding, which was over 30 years ago at a local Hilton (very fancy at the time, 40k), she said “no children” and one of her best friends was a single mom. The friend asked my aunt “what if I bring ______ as my date” asking if she could bring her son in lieu of a date, and my aunt said no. Long story short, the friend didn’t come and they cut off contact with my aunt forever.

@jca2 Some people get really insulted. Plus, it can be a real inconvenience for parents who aren’t ready to leave their baby with a sitter, or if they come from out of state and would have to trust a hotel babysitter.

I was young, and didn’t even think it through. Plus, there weren’t many children in my family, or friends, so it’s not like the party would be overrun.

My SIL said more than one comment at the time about now she knows what type of person I am. Whatever exactly that meant.

The worst part is I never would have said no children if people hadn’t told me to do it. I wouldn’t have even thought about it. Now, as an older adult, I always feel like it’s better to welcome whoever shows up. If extra people come, I think everyone understands, and no adult is so hungry that a little less food during the three hours is going to be that big of a deal. At a wedding it can mean extra expense though, paying per person, which I think is unfair, but a few extra people or kids might cost nothing, especially if it’s a buffet.

I’ve only had extra people show a handful of times, usually people ask if it’s ok to bring someone, and I always say yes.

@JLeslie: I think when my aunt got married, she was thinking she didn’t want a lot of little kids running around. I can understand that – I know she wanted the wedding to be really beautiful (which it was). Her friend’s son was about 12 at the time and I know she said he was very well behaved, but her logic was that if she said yes to the son it wouldn’t be fair to the people she said no kids to.

It was a shame she lost the friendship to it. I guess the friend was very insulted and my aunt figured if the friend is going to lose the friendship to that, then let it go. Everyone was stubborn and the friendship was down the drain.

Good point you made, too, about the cost. If a fancy place charges the same for kids as for adults, which they might, then a bunch of kids could mean a few thousand added to the bill.

@jca2 I cared about my wedding being nice also. It was at a really nice hotel on Miami Beach. I didn’t want a child making noise during the wedding, so it was easy for me to go along with the suggestion of no children, but now I wouldn’t care, or wouldn’t be concerned about such a thing. I had been to 4 weddings in my life at that time, and the fancier ones never had children present that I remember. I took it all so seriously. I wasn’t even sure if it was ok to smile during the wedding. I was just very inexperienced.

I also, after that experience, never get bent out of shape if I’m not invited to something or I go to a party and it isn’t planned well, like not enough food or not enough tables. If I want to be forgiven I certainly am going to be forgiving. It’s easier that way. Not that I might not comment about the food. I mean if the wedding reception only has chicken fingers and taco dip and I got all gussied up in formal wear I probably will gossip about it.

Most certainly the family does need to feed. Invite them in, go on.