What were some mistakes you made when you were younger to attract whom you wanted to date, that were faux pas, not attractive, or did not yield the intended result?
I didn’t understand girls in my preteen through midteen years. That mystery is what kept me interested I guess.
In my own preteen years, several times I asked girls if they liked me—either in notes or telephone calls. All I ever got was “for a friend.” I didn’t know that girls don’t like guys who need affirmation or ask so directly. Often times, a note would be passed around or end up on the floor.
I also remember trying to impress, trying to act classy and polite, being too silly at attempts at humor, trying to make girls feel sorry for me, and even being forceful to get a semi-girlfriend to skate with me at the skating rink when she saw the date as an opportunity to flirt with everyone else.
Eventually I learned to play it cool, but then I became too demonstrative with feelings. In High School and College I was too nice, and nice guys were boring. No matter how interesting they might really have been or what we had to offer.
Not until I was an adult and it wasn’t as important to me anymore, did girls / women start toning it down and become attracted to more sensitive or romantic guys, if even then. And now that I only understand human nature better, I realized how I must have looked in those days
And women on Fluther—how about you? Were you too forward? too needy? Too competitive with the people you wanted to partner with?
Some might not want to admit these things. Some never had ANY issues. But I suspect that many of us came from fallow inexperience and a place of innocence, from which we learned many bittersweet lessons and turned out able to fully comprehend the needs of those we are drawn to,
Neh—I don’t think I’d ever want to live that again.
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I forgot to brush my teeth and basic hygiene.
I learned the hard way to rinse the milk containers for recycling.
Three years of burning my skin in a hot shower to get rid of the smell; that turned out to be left over milk jugs smell for recycling.
Generally just not understanding when women actually liked me….so many missed opportunities.
Showing up at her dorm room drunk.
When I read the details of my own question, I think a lot of my own problems were related to not having enough of my own identity established—so every way I tried to present myself came across as not being myself. Being afraid of being too forward or being rejected probably caused me to hang around wanting something without really being clear what it was. It would have helped greatly in teenagers back then would have been better about helping introduce their friends to each other when interest is expressed.
After I was an adult, I brought two young adults together whom I had known since they were kids but didn’t know each other until I introduced them. Later, as a minister, I had the pleasure of officiating their marriage. They were both kids I knew when I was a camp counselor.
Some things need to be learned on their own, but some people really do need help being introduced. A lot of opportunities are lost because people don’t have the skills or knowledge to introduce themselves and present themselves as their true selves.
I’m wondering what your definition of “achieve the intended result” is.
A kiss?
Feeling her up?
Getting her in bed?
A deep and abiding relationship?
Until you enunciate your goals, how do you know if you have reached them?
Whatever you did before knowing how to get to that ends.
I was in High School in the ‘80s and yeah, most were into sex, drugs, and rock & roll.
But before any of us got to where we wanted to be, the girl had to “like” you first. For some of us, it was awkward. For others it was just be your natural self and if you were not too nervous, most girls would give you a chance. Others were just plain arrogant and thought all girls/women were there for their own pleasure and they should be grateful to have them.
The winners were usually their best selves but didn’t try to be phony. They could impress by humbly telling about themselves and their experiences. Others acted arrogant like the world was glad to have them, and they were owed something.
One major mistake I made, while not my fault, was that I had no self esteem. Girls won’t like you if you don’t like yourself.
And I was so freakin’ horny all the time. I was always hearing about these other guys who were getting laid while I wasn’t, and I guess my lower brain was always thinking instead of the one in my head. I didn’t learn until much later that all I had to do was relax, be myself, and don’t think so much about getting laid.
I wonder how common sex really was in school/
Planned Parenthood monopolized sex education in my high school and junior high school. The booklets and pamphlets gave MUCH lower stats for teens engaging sex was much lower than I expected—like, 20-something percent. But there were guys I knew who basically said everybody did it. I can imagine that women and girls who did NOT want sex may have rebuffed guys who expected it. I don’t doubt that a lot of people did it, but there were many who did not.
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