Which of these poems is the best in your opinion, and how can these poems be improved?

I’m not going to comment about these poems, other than to say that poetry is generally more effective when it focuses on concrete, sensory experiences and less on abstract concepts. What does it feel, smell, sound, look and taste like? The goal is to build a resonance with the reader and that is best achieved through sensory connections. Generally, when I see an “ism” in a poem, I shake my head because it’s trying to be pretentious. I’m offering this up not to discourage you but to hopefully encourage you to explore some more sensory-focused poetry.

What does loneliness taste like (e.g. the summer watermelon you ate with your family as a child but no longer)? what does it sound like? what does it smell like (smell is so powerfully connected to memory)? what does it feel like on your skin? If you can emotionally connect your readers to how you relate to a feeling using sensations as the bridge between you and them, your poetry will resonate with them.

Thank you for your response. That is a very helpful tip, one I’ll keep in mind for future work.

I prefer poem number one but there are good lines in the other poems too, especially “a black rose among daffodils”. I always think strong lines are more effective at the end of a poem rather than the beginning or middle. I think you could do something with this line, contrast it with Wordsworth’s sentimental lines about daffodils for example.

Have you considered using rhyme in your poems? Blank verse has its place but having to rhyme forces you think about the words you use and rhyme strengthens a word, makes it feel right and memorable.

It seems like you work too hard to stick with a pattern, and writing in a list form is not poetry.
You have some great imagery, but it doesn’t flow. It says I am this I am that I am dark I am evil. That is a list.
Instead of saying I am in the shadows, I am hiding, I am unlikeable, Simon and Garfunkel say, hello darkness my old friend. It makes the reader hang in there to see what is next.
Try on some new directions without losing the imagery.

If you were picking apples and find a worm, would you eat?
Do you thirst when it rains?
Could a bullet ease the soul?
I am the evil.
I hide behind every corner.
Fear me.

Yes, that sucks, I know. I was trying to provide a quick example without pulling out any of my own writing.

Make it go somewhere. Each poem feels like you are backed against a wall, and walking sideways. Go somewhere new.

I am not a rose, I am a thorn. I know you see it.
You draw away.

Take a bite.
Am I delicious?
How does poison taste?
hey, I like that. I’m going to use it somewhere in my work.

Try different ways to challenge yourself. I once wrote a sentence vertically, one letter on each line. I then tried to write a poem of the same subject with the first letter of each line being what I had written.

Always deliciously
Plump and juicy
Pick a bushel
Let me eat just one
Experience the apple.

Like that.

Other challenges, make every line rhyme with every other line.
Tell a story.
Write a whole poem about something without actually saying what it is. When you finish see if you can think of other things that fit the same description.
Write about something you have never experienced, convincingly.

You have a lot of rainbow in your soul, let it enhance the black in your heart.
Words alone can’t make someone feel. Poetry is when your words learn a few tricks.