Was it alright that I brought my lover back a gift from my vacation?

Why would you give a gift to a guy who is only using you for sex?

@Dutchess_III I think this is the problem. She has been telling herself for 20 years that this is only sex and FWB, but I think she wants it to be more,and she is getting frustrated that it has never changed.

I guess that having Fluther as her diary is cheaper than a psychologist.

I don’t think we’re doing her any good, though.

Is it okay to give a FWB a gift? Sure.

But your gift is more than just a gift. It’s a gesture that violates the agreement to be FWB in the first place.

So you took this romantic cruise ALONE? Bought gifts for your FwB. Came back, gave him the loot, then come here to ask us the questions we generally receive from love sick prepubescent teenage girls? “was it alright?” Why shouldn’t it be? No one here is going to get anywhere with you in the conflict between your infatuation and common sense.

I wouldn’t have, but that’s me. Why do you call him “lover”? That word seems so lurid to me.

@honeybun35: You asked the other question about letting him know you “have feelings.” Maybe when you gave him the souvenir, it would have been a good time to talk to him about your feelings. What are you waiting for? Did you tell him yet?

Sure, people exchange gifts all the time. After all, you could have gifted him a luxury car and still nothing would change. He’d simply thank you and go on feeling the same way.

When I hesitate and have no idea about something, I would ask myself two question: 1, is that absolutely right and reasonable? If yes, even it goes opposite my willing, I know I must do it. If no, 2, can I stop? Is it alright if proceed?
Many problems didn’t survive the first step.

What?

You need to talk to this guy. Tell him how you feel. If he’s with you than you’re good, if he’s not then you need to decide if you want to just be a place for this guy’s penis with no hope of any emotional connection, or if you would rather move on to find a partner who reciprocates your feelings. The one thing that is not realistic is to expect him to eventually fall for you if you let him keep screwing you. That’s not going to happen.

Oh, and the gift really doesn’t make a difference one way or the other.

@gorillapaws: We discussed it with her here: https://www.fluther.com/215947/should-i-let-my-lover-know-that-i-have-feelings/

OK with whom? It’s OK with me, but I wonder if he has ever bought you a surprise gift.

Yes he has and more

@honeybun35 What would be the and more?

I truly recommend to stop contacting with him. You are wasting your youth and opportunities to meet better guy and having a happier life. Not worth it. It is all his fault, a gift no matter how precious or how expensive can not mean anything.
I have similar experience and this guy reminds me of the past me.

Yes I understand but we are friends.

If he was really your friend, he’d have taken you to the wedding. He’d have no problem being seen in public with you.

Who said we were never in public. If you followed my post you would have seen that.We are always in public .We are friends

Does he introduce you to his friends or vice versa? Are you the “secret” friend?

@honeybun35
Yes just for reference, it is all up to you. According to your describe and introduction in your brief I dont have good feelings about him. But, not only me, actually for everyone except you doesn’t need to have good or bad impression on him. It is all up to you and what I said is just for reference.
Anyway, if he really attaches enough importance on your “friendship” or other solid and close relationship whatever you called, he should never have sex with you. Never. It is not out of culture difference, it is a matter of “should or shouldn’t”.

You don’t know why I didn’t go maybe I didn’t want to go maybe I had other engagement .

@honeybun35; On the thread about the wedding, you said he didn’t ask you.

Waiting for you to let us know when you have the big discussion with him about your feelings.

Trying to work up the nerve.My cousin told me to tell him as well.