I know this will sound like I’m not being supportive of your feelings, but I think don’t let this bother you if you can. These sorts of things ruin families because the person who is offended or hurt has a strict idea of how people should act and behave.
One day you won’t go to a wedding, forget to send a thank, forget to send a gift, not invite someone you should have invited, for whatever reason, and you will want to be forgiven.
Holding onto these “shoulds” of how people should act will only eat you up inside, and cause you to be angry.
No one is perfect, and once you are more forgiving of other people’s imperfection you can also be easier on yourself.
It’s after the fact now, if you say something can they remedy it in any for you? You are living up to what they accuse you of, saying nothing when something bothers, because you said nothing when something could have been changed. Not that I necessarily think you should have said something, I’m more of the mind to not be upset they didn’t come, but you are. I guess you could have said to your brother you will miss not having them there when he RSVP’d he and his children weren’t coming.
If you say nothing, but your actions show them you are upset about something, that’s passive aggressive. It sounds like their family is more aggressive aggressive. They put everything out there, even fighting with screaming voices. Aggressive aggressive people don’t do well with passive aggressive people. Their passiveness, which often is like a silent treatment that seethes, often feels abusive, controlling, and a withholding of love. I don’t know if you do any of that, but if you do, to them that silence is the same as what their screaming is like to you. Again, I’m not assuming you are like this, feel free to correct anything I’ve said here.
Sounds like they had a lot of commitments around the same time and made their choices. Money might have been a factor since it was a holiday weekend, that sounds right to me, plus I assume everyone works so they are juggling that too. The pregnant girl maybe didn’t feel up to doing both parties and she made her choice.
None of my husband’s relatives came to our wedding who were invited. His brother and sister and parents yes, but nobody else. His mom was really bothered by it. She had actually hand carried the invitations to her sisters who lived near her, and some of her nieces and nephews (my husband’s cousins) they live in Mexico and it was in Florida, but most of them also have a lot of money and a lot of freedom with their time, and we lived in a destination vacation place.
My dad’s sister didn’t come, and he offered to pay for her flight and hotel. She doesn’t go anywhere really, I think she has become phobic about travel. My dad is still upset about it. I am not upset about any of it. They didn’t come for whatever reason, but I don’t let this one moment in time control my feelings about them. There are so many other interactions that make up my relationship with them.
Maybe a time will come up where you can mention you missed not having them there, but I recommend not delivering it with guilt. There is a good possibility no matter how you say it they might feel it is a guilt trip. Depends on if that’s a typical dynamic in your family. Letting him know might mean next time there is an event he tries harder to be there if he knows how much it means to you. I don’t know you both well enough to know if that’s good advice or not, it’s just an idea I’m throwing out there.
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