Let’s hear some jokes. Here’s one I got from an 8 year old. Have you heard it ?

Paddy O’furniture

My jokes are NSFW

You get the cigar. Let’s hear the dirty jokes.

Judge: “I’m sorry Mickey Mouse, but you can’t divorce Minnie because of mental health.”

Mickey: “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she was fucking Goofy!”

Moan!

A rapist, a liar, and a conman walk into a bar.
Drumpf orders a drink.

A dog walks into a bar, sits on a stool, and asks the bartender “Can you give me a job?” The bartender is amazed and says “you could make a fortune at the circus” The dog cocks its head, looks at the bartender and says “why would the circus need a bartender?”

A Priest, a Rabbi, and an Imam walk into a bar.
The bartender says: “What is this, some kind of joke?”

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.
The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gary. The three men had always done everything together!

Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Darryl said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”

The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba.”

The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought Gary in to identify the body.

Gary looked at the body and said, “Yup he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Gary said, “No, it ain’t Bubba.”

The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”

Gary said, “Well, Bubba had two assholes.”

“What? He had two assholes?” asked the mortician.

Yup, I’ve never seen ‘em, but everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, “Here comes Bubba with those two assholes!”

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. In the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce.”

Watson: “I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.”

Holmes: “Watson, you idiot, somebody’s stolen our tent!”

Maybe from AARP magazine:

They have a new shoe made with memory foam.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
So when you walk into the other room you remember what you were looking for.

Teacher asks Johnny what is his favorite animal
Johnny says fried chicken. Class erupts. Teacher sends Johnny to principals office who sighs and says don’t do it again.
Next day teacher asks Johnny what is his favorite animal that is alive.
Johnny says chicken. Teacher asks why?
Johnny says Cause you can fry it!
Class erupts. Johnny sent to principal who insists don’t do it again.
Next day teacher asks Johnny Who is your most admired military hero.
Johnny says Colonel Sanders.