Do men not know it when they're being creepy?

I think a lot of men are clueless to that fact.
But I also think a lot of women are overly sensitive and take a great many things the wrong way.IMO

You think she was overly sensitive to find some random, strange guy ask her, out of the blue, in an unrelated exchange, if she was married really weird??? You don’t find it weird?

Knowing she was meeting him, he should have just asked her face to face after the deal was done, and in a less creepy way. Want to go for a coffee sometime, you’re a lovely lady.

I mean, we have to be careful about meeting up with people we don’t know, more so than men. Nothing is worth our lives, they should remember that and make it easier, and less creepy.

According to @SQUEEKY2, many of us are “overly sensitive.” That would probably be those of us who have been sexually attacked or raped. Those kinds of things tend to make one “overly sensitive.” Sorry if I sound a bit pissed. It’s like, did you completely miss the #metoo movement Squeekster?”

@Dutchess_III
They see it from a strong man’s pov, they don’t have to worry about getting overpowered and things like we have been trained to watch out for from birth.

Not by way of attempted apology, but just to try to answer the question:

Many men are not aware, or not very aware at all times, of the context some women have that @KNOWITALL just described as “we have to be very careful about meeting up with people we don’t know” and the idea that there’s a notable risk of being attacked and killed, especially in the context of simple transactions or going for a walk or something. Many men do not think that way about situations themselves unless it’s a ghetto or skinhead or Trump rally or something, and aren’t very aware that women may feel they have to constantly worry about that.

And many men do not have a “that’s weird, so therefore I should cease all contact with this person” logic going on.

And since few guys would tend to have that reaction if a woman or (unless a homophobe) a gay man or anyone asked them if they were married, they may tend not to think they’re going to come across as creepy or threatening if they ask a woman that.

It seems to me that many men are often likely to approach social situations from a frame of mind of “I know I mean well, so that should be good enough” rather than trying to think from other people’s social perspectives about their own behavior.

And IIRC, many men have “are you single?” in their vocabulary of things that are supposed to be ok to say to women, and that may even lead to positive responses.

Trained, yes, and then we actually experience why. In MY experience, no man, but my father, can be trusted. And the fact that I can trust my father is a blessing some women don’t have.

Luckily, I have not experienced men the same way Dutch has. I’ve known many men – a few are creepy, some are clueluess, but most are just people.

@Zaku I have to remind my guy friends sometimes. Like no, do not follow her to her car out in the parking lot to ask her out, do it here or slip her your number.

It can also be uncomfortable for women (well, it is for me) to have a man, in a business transaction or circumstance to suddenly alter the parameters and make it so personal. When I am conducting business with anyone, I find the leap into the personal to be distracting and inappropriate. When I am out in public in a social setting, that is when I am looking to engage.

@Dutchess_III “In MY experience, no man, but my father, can be trusted”

Not trying to be a jerk but remember when I told you you needed counseling? You should really consider it. That’s a horrible place to be.

For me, it’s uncomfortable when men invade your personal space and it seems to happen a lot. I don’t need anyone a few inches from my face, or putting hands on my shoulders, or touching my lower back…. If that’s a come on, it doesn’t work. If I want to be touched by you, you’ll know it, hell I’d probably ask for it…haha!

What was she selling? As a man, I can tell you that I can visualize the question coming up, depending on the circumstances. Considering that the buyer couldn’t even see the seller. I think the seller should wait for the follow up. Women ask me all the time whether I’m married, and I usually assume it’s a question about what sort of wife would allow me to leave the house in overalls & food stained hoody. I have sense enough to understand that you NEVER ask that question of some knockout, and that isn’t being sexist (I think). It’s just that if a man is interested in a woman, a line like that is the kiss of death, and not only for romance.

@stanley Maybe the ladies ask because you are hot?!

Guys are messy, we know that. Compliment maybe.

Leave it alone @ARE_you_kidding_me. I am not in a horrible place. I learned from my experiences and took precautions and kept myself reasonably safe for the remainder of my adult life.
Stop dwelling on it, man.

Shoes, Stanley. She was selling shoes! And she sold them on Facebook so he gleaned a bit of info from her profile pic.
It was just weird for her and I don’t blame her.

@Dutchess_lll I don’t believe you. If you cannot trust “any man other than your father” you are in a place that is not normal and frankly in denial of your probable PSTD. I would not call that out if I did not give a shit.

Bullshit. I don’t have PTSD, LOL! I just don’t put myself in vulnerable positions if I can help it.

Just because you haven’t experienced what I have does not negate my feelings.

Like I said, quit obsessing, dude.

The friend Dutch is speaking about was me. I’m selling Dr. Martens on Facebook marketplace. I’ve used marketplace many times, buying and selling. Address and phone number is always exchanged. I’ve never had a problem until today.

After I gave him the information he asked if I was single or married. It really threw me off. I don’t have any pictures of myself that are public. My profile pic is of my dog.

I asked him why he would ask such a question. He said it was just a question. I told him it made me feel uncomfortable and that I would not be selling to him. I told him to not come over. I could see he read my message.

45 minutes later I get a phone call. I didn’t answer. He then sends 2 texts. “I’m here.” “Where are you!” Again, I didn’t answer. He then messages me on Facebook. “I’m here.”

This was all too weird for me. I messaged back that he made me uncomfortable and I wouldn’t be selling to him. I told him to leave or I’d call the cops. He said “ok.”

@Dutchess Maybe a foot fetish, its fairly common.

My friend had a guy follow her out of the mall and she didnt shut the door. He reached to stroke her foot saying he just had to touch them. Thats creepy.

See the post above you @KNOWITALL.

@Dutchess Sorry that wasnt there when I posted. Not too surprising. Scary though, geez
New webcam girl money maker, love my shoes lol

Not even fully divorced and your inner pervy is coming out @KNOWITALL!!!

Holy shit! These are all horror stories. I don’t envy women, though I live in a place where in decades past a trip to the rest room in the wrong place could result in some dude asking me “lookin for a date?” The first time I was so taken aback that I simply blurted “what the fk is wrong with you? “ But I quickly realized that the odds are that any man walking into THAT restroom probably received the same question. It’s probably how dude earned a living. Anyway, I was ready next time with “no thanks”. But @wiscoblond, you allow strangers to come to your house to pick up their shoes?

Just as an aside note, I never give anyone my address when I sell anything on Market Place if it is item I can put in my car and I meet them at a busy place.

@Dutchess Well watching me walk in shoes is my dream job, come on!

Being a Boss Lady and getting paid well for that? I’m in!
Hanging with my dog all day? I see no drawbacks at all.

And any new guy wouldnt be jealous of my feeties would he? Lol

Being deprived does weird things to a lady, sis. Wink

We don’t see it as being “creepy.” We’re just stumbling around trying to figure you women out so we can get in close and get to know you.

It’s a bit creepy now that the guy knows her address. ;(. Oh the nights I’ve lost sleep because the wrong guy knew where I lived.
I’ve got a dog to protect you!! Want him???

@Dutchess_lll So, you don’t trust your husband?

Yes I trust Rick. I’m talking about situations where, for example, a car pulls over and dude asks if I want a ride. Am I wrong to say “No, thanks,” even if I could actually use one?
Am I wrong to refuse to go to a guy’s house on a first date? Am I wrong to refuse to give my address to some random guy who asks?
Maybe you’d be cool with doing all of those things Annie, but I learned my lessons very quickly.

@stanley Yes and I’ve never had a problem. Most people are honest, at least with my experiences.

@Dutchess_lll Dude, you were the one that said you trusted no men besides your father. Why would I assume that only meant strangers?

Edit to my last response: I won’t be doing it now. I’ll pick the local fire station as a meet up.

But sometimes the item is too large and it needs to be picked up at my home.

I learned that even men who are not strangers can’t be trusted.

@Dutchess that’s the truth. I had a childhood guy friend who befriended me as an adult. We were friends for two years until I found out he wanted to do me harm. He was trying to gain my trust.

@Dutchess Completely understandable. I think some of us have known bad humans, it changes you. You see and recognize darkness afterwards. Keep your guard up. Be ready to fight or flight. Dont let whatever happened once, happen again.

Its a good thing, that inner alarm, Dutchess. Its survival instincts, no shame in that.

What’s the story behind that KNOW?

I’m not ashamed of my paranoia! I think it’s healthy, at least in my case. Although there isn’t as much danger as there used to be.

Even guys are cautious selling stuff, I certainly pick a very public place that has video for selling or buying things on marketplace.

@Dutchess_lll Yeah, I know and I’m sorry to hear it and I’m also sorry if I’m stirring your shit up.

I understand Dutch’s skepticism involving men. Any woman who looks like that picture she posted is in for unmitigated hell from the males of our species. I will never understand how the average man is so dense as to not recognize that the lookers are hounded like chain gang fugitives—seriously. You would think that they would possess enough empathy to give a girl a break, like they might hope their sister or mother would deserve—but nope— they simply join in the baying and howling with the rest of the pack. For the life of me, I can’t figure it out,

I’m curious what you fellas think about the guy who came to my house today. I could have been wrong but I felt like he was wanting to grab and run or worse. Dr Martens aren’t cheap.

@Dutchess I meant rape, violence, evil, whatever scars a person into lacking trust for people.

I can only wonder about that guy. You on the other hand, do not want strangers from the net knowing where you live, or as far as that goes where to find you—PERIOD! If this man contacts you again, hire a large frightening man to answer the door with the ordered shoes.

There is no telling. When he asked if you were married he may have been fishing to see if there was a male in the vicinity.

Stanley is a good guy.

Not necessarily. But Stanley has a mom, a daughter and 2 mean sisters. Let some perv bump into one of MY sisters!!

Lesson learned.

@Dutch that’s what I was thinking.

Mean sisters! LOL!

I wonder how many sisterless men would have a different POV if they HAD a sister? Even.mean ones?

I feel sorry for women that have to be that on guard ,I can totally understand being cautious and not putting yourself in a situation that could turn ugly .
But not being able to trust anyone male, we are all not monsters.
Makes me wonder if all women are not just gold diggers.
I mean if we can’t be trusted ,can women??

I know you aren’t all monsters. Every man I have allowed in to my life has been a gentleman. Mostly.

Sorry if you feel offended that until I actually get a chance to get to know you I’m not placing my blind trust in you.

You know, those 4 guys who stopped to help me out when I ran out of gas on the highway, when I was 17, were probably perfectly safe to climb into the car with when they offered to give me a ride to the nearest gas station. Probably perfectly safe.

Being a gold digger isn’t likely to put your life in danger. You have plenty of time to find that out.
Not comparable to a rape situation.

@SQUEEKY I adore men, just takes awhile to warm up and trust. As it should.

I’d understand being afraid of gold diggers, too, theres a lot out there looking to not hustle. Sad really.

@wiscoblond Your more detailed version of the story seems quite different from the original question here, especially that he came over.

I agree with what you’ve conjectured. That he asked if you’re married in a text conversation where all you’ve done is give him your address and contact info before a sale to a stranger, and replied “it’s just a question”, all gives room for a lot of suspicion. If he actually read your request not to come over and then came anyway, that’s even more suspicious.

Because, it matches the behavior of a person who might want to know if you’re alone so they can come mess with you. And it does not match my expectation for either a flirt (since it was a first-time commercial text transaction with no reason for him to become flirtatious) or an natural question.

On the other hand, as you also wrote, such suspicions could be wrong. Many people, men in particular, and online buyer/sellers in particular too, can be socially inept and weird without actually being dangerous. I can imagine a dozen different weird characters akin to those I’ve encountered who might behave that way without having ill will.

But best to err on the side of caution, for the most part.

Didn’t want to give too many details out @Zaku.

@Zaku @Dutchess_lll didn’t want to let out too many details. That’s one of the things about the sisterhood that I’ve learned: They like to keep their secrets and maintain their mystique.

Hahaha, @SQUEEKY2, are you really comparing potential rape/murder scenarios with someone wanting to marry for money?

I think he was alluding to the fact that there are those in our population who are predatory and will take advantage of others any way they can. Females too but since they are not physically stronger they employ other means which can be just as damaging and insidious.
4–8% of the population is either sociopathic or full on psychopathic. Of those probably half are dangerous. Walk into a crowded bar at night and think 1 in 25… not good odds. Also they’ll likely be higher in numbers where their specific prey gathers. When it comes to males they’re more physically abusive than emotionally abusive. Females it’s the other way around. Really no strangers are to be trusted until you know them. Most people are good the problem is the minority of people who are not are not always easy to spot.

It’s not fair to single out men because of the minority of abusers but it’s not hard to see that mentality if someone has been abused, especially if it has happened more than once.

I knew exactly what he meant. His comparison was specious.

Won’t disagree there.

@kritiper I meant I didn’t want to give out too many of the details of exactly what happened since it happened to one of our own. It wasn’t my place to do that.
Had nothing to do with “mystique.”

Right…

Fuck. I received this message from another account. Both accounts were from Hispanic men: Such a pastry fucking Madison cunt. Go fuck yourself and then kill yourself. Truly only a white bitch would act that way.

I need to go back with some history. The man originally contacted me a week ago. A day after I took a terrible fall and hit my head hard. He low balled me on the shoes. I asked if I could think about it, explaining I was hurt, and that I would get back to him. Not long after I received a message from the account that messaged me above, asking if the shoes were available. It was in Spanish. I didn’t respond. The above message was sent from the second account a couple days later. I never saw the message until tonight.

I was desperate for money and messaged the original account yesterday asking if they were still interested. That’s when everything transpired in @Dutchess_III question.

I’m truly scared now that I read this message.

if anything happens to me or my family, the guy’s name is Jesus and his number is 715–498-2963

@wiscoblond I’m not sure what/if they can do anything, but I would notify the police. That is very very scary!

I reported the message on Facebook. Not that it will help, I’m sure. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to contact the police. At least they’d know who to look for if anything happened. Ugh, did I learn my lesson.

@Wisco Wow, not okay. See, just another way to intimidate women, scaring you for saying no. Pisses me off. So sorry.

I shared the messages in the buy/sell/trade group and most everyone is telling me to call the police. Some dbag is telling me what was said is racist towards me but not a direct threat and I have the choice to ignore it. The guy has no clue.

I just had an old Fluther veteran tell me he’d post the dude’s info on Reddit and a few other spots. Thank you judochop. <3

@Wisco Scary.

Hey why you up at 3am, want to go jog with me? Lol, just waiting on daylight.

I was ready for bed until I read the message. I’m wired now!

You girls need your rest!

Tell me about it. My Broncos are playing the Packers and I live in Packers land with a rabid Packers loving husband. I need to be alert. :D

@stan Sleep? Lol, come jog, I need a night escort…lol

Whats your excuse pal? Why is overnight tv so white trash terrible?

My dogs are even ignoring me and giving me side eye haha

@Wisco Bronco fan. Well good luck, dont bet the house doll. Lol

Ugh, don’t remind me. haha

@wisco Do YOU really like football or learned to from man pleasing?

I’ve been following the Broncos since 1987. I was 16 then. They are my team. I cry in good times and bad. The love is all mine.

Take a screen print and send it to the police.

Wow. I saw where you found him.

There is a guy on her thread who said he’d repost that trash on the bad guy’s twitter account and Reddit and everywhere. He said that to be supportive, but what I see is the guy becoming even more enraged and retaliatory. And that’s the difference between the way men think and women think. Men are ready to fight. Women look for other ways because we can’t win a physical fight…and don’t want to be in a position where we have to.

The same guy said it should be illegal for people to post shit like that online because it’s “embarrassing.”
For a women, it goes far beyond embarrassing. It’s freaking terrifying.
He’s a good guy and he means well, but both of his comments are perfect examples of the trouble men have relating to women.

There is an abundance of people out there who lack self awareness.

Nooooo kidding.