Have you ever had to comfort someone going through a panic attack?

Yes. I am terrible at it. I approach problems from a full on logical perspective. Panic attacks, in my experience, are all emotion, devoid of logic. As such, I am very quickly useless and even counterproductive in helping someone through a panic attack. In fact, I have found that that kind of unbridled emotional reaction actually sets me off — and then you’ve got two very upset people…which is not good.

I am clearly not the guy for that, sadly.

Yes, and the only solution I find useful is to divert the victim’s mind and attention to another issue if possible.

I have not but I know from therapy that there are techniques that are not diversions that help. The most important one is deep slow breathing which physiologically helps stop the panic and slow the body down..

That is a diversion of sorts demanding deliberate concentration on one’s breathing

Had a pretty severe panic disorder for a few years.

Most people having a panic attack are not having one for the first time. They are aware of their panic disorder, can acknowledge the mechanisms involved in triggering and feeding the attack, yet are completely helpless against the avalanche of adrenaline and reinforcing intrusive thoughts.

In my experience, you cannot talk someone out of a panic attack, but you can help by being there for them, and attempting to ground them with gentle reminders that they are safe, are not going to lose their mind or die. My best experiences when I was in the middle of an attack were when I was able to tell the person I was with that I was having a panic attack. This allowed me to drop part of my concern about looking crazy. There was an immediate feeling that I was not going to have to manage my behavior around this person, and that they understood. Knowing that I could pass out and that would be ok because I was in the hands of someone who understood, took a bit of the edge off.

Most importantly, I had methods for getting my body back. Deep diaphragmatic breathing techniques actually do slow the rush of adrenaline and provide some immediate relief. But mental noting and other mindful techniques developed with the help of a professional are critical. Once the breathing exercises slow things down, it gives the other techniques some room.

Note: If you’re sitting with someone right now who is in the middle of a panic attack and are conscious enough to try something, try the following….

1. exhale as much as possible, and then some more
2. take a deep breath in through the nose
3. hold the breath for almost as long as you can
4. exhale through pursed lips very slowly and thoroughly, focusing on your stomach (breathe in so your stomach expands, not your upper chest)
5. exhale more (seriously)
6. repeat steps #2 – #5 a few more times

The critical thing that most people don’t understand about this breathing is that someone in a panic attack is hyperventilating. Because of the tightness, the person doesn’t fully exhale, causing a cycle of not being able to take a full breath (because you haven’t emptied the lungs). And in doing so, the respiration rate increases drastically, throwing off the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide. Slowing down and expanding breathing as described increases the amount of carbon dioxide, which is needed to calm your body down. So, increasing the time before another inbreath increases that carbon dioxide and your body will start to respond appropriately.

This is a touchy subject in my house. I frequently get panic attacks and my husband just doesn’t understand.

It depends on the person and what helps them but I respond to touch. I need someone to hug me and, it’s kind of embarrassing, but rock me.

It’s important not to try to get down to solving why I got upset. My husband will often try to make me see why I’m being irrational or turn it around on him and how this is so unfair to him. That makes me spiral into even worse panic.

Talking about something else or something funny helps.

Most importantly, I need to feel normal so talking to me like I’m normal or like the rest of the world is normal will help me out of an attack. I need to know you understand my crazy emotions but that it’s ok and we’ll get through it.

I need to know there is no pressure to get right immediately and that the person with me will stay with me until I’m ok again. It’s a lot to ask but when it comes to mental health you HAVE to have that support.

Never yell at someone or use ANY negative phrases when they are panicking. The best phrase to use over and over is “It’s going to be ok!”

Some things my husband says that are just awful and totally escalate me: “why are you doing this? IF you cared about me at all you will stop immediately. STOP CRYING! You are being crazy. You have to stop doing this to me. Why are you even upset, nothing happened. I’m going away because I obviously cause you to be crazy. There is no reason to act this upset or be bent out of shape like this.” :(

Sometimes panic attacks feel like heart attacks and that can cause another round of panicky feelings. I can be convinced I am about to die until someone nurses me and says like its just anxiety! My husband will have to like check my heart rate and look in my eyes with a flashlight, lol. I think in a way it’s a distraction but I also need someone to confirm I’m not about to die of heart failure.

Hope this helps!

I suggested they try this
https://www.healthline.com/health/box-breathing

An additional remark. Labeling it as such helps. I had one when i was in my 20s. I called my mother and said, “I don’t know what’s happening “ and she said, “I know, you’re having a panic attack.” That helped me calm down.

Yes. A technique that works is grounding. Get the person having the attack to concentrate on exactly where their feet are. They are probably on the floor. Ask them how their shoes feel. Are they tight? Ask other questions about their shoes like color or material. If they’re seated, ask them where their butt is. They’ll say it’s in a chair. Ask them questions about the chair. Is it hard or cushioned? What is it made of? Color? If they’re not seated, ask them to touch something, anything. Ask them questions about the object.

Continue with something they can see then hear them smell and finally taste.

All of this is done to bring the person into the moment and out of the panic. I’ve seen it work dozens of times in my work.

@Hawaii_Jake Yes, i’ve read about that as, “Notice 5 things you can see right now, 4 things you can hear and 3 things you can smell.” It’s a similar grounding technique.

I was 17 or 18 and a friend had one in my car. She asked to go to the ER, she thought she was dying. It was her second one ever, and she wasn’t sure what was happening. She had had one a few days before and her fiancé talked her out of going to the hospital. I reassured her I was taking her to the hospital, I told her how close we were. I didn’t know what was going on. That was my first experience with a panic attack.

I have panic attacks. To me, they are embarrassing, and I usually just want to be left alone. I usually find a dark/low light place, and listen to music.

Sometimes, I call/talk to my Mom. Her voice alone, can soothe me. But, I don’t like to worry her. She can tell.by my fractured rhetoric, and shaky voice, and can tell, if I’m having one. Then she gets upset, and that just drives me further into the attack.

I used to lay by by dog. That helped a LOT. But she’s dead now….....

I will sometimes just stare at my fish tank. Or try to watch something to take my mind off of it….

Sometimes, I will play guitar, or do yard work/chores.

Sometimes, I will work on my punching bag, or do pushups, until I’m too exhausted to stay awake.

I currently take valium. If they get real bad. But, if I’m at work, I just focus on breathing, and trying to stay busy…

I suppose, it’s probably different for each person afflicted with it…

I have had several land me in the ER. That just makes it worse though. I feel ashamed to be there. I feel like people who don’t have them, think I’m just being a wimp.

It’s hard to articulate the feeling. But it’s crippling. When I get a bad one, I feel like I’m dying. My heart races. I shake so bad, I can’t really do anything. I know that I had a really bad one, about 2 years ago. I had to go to the ER. But my hands were shaking so bad, I couldn’t fill out the paperwork. And the looks, from people who don’t understand, humiliate me….

I just read the other answers, and I’m just thinking how I always tell my husband if he ever thinks I’m having a stroke or heart attack he is to assume I am, that I would never joke about those characteristic symptoms. If I had a full blown panic attack I think he would be insistent on taking me to the hospital after all the 30 second lectures (reminders) I’ve given him to assume I’m dying.

I once got diagnosed with a panic attack in an ER, and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t one. A year or two later I had my heart arrhythmia and thyroid diagnosed.

I really feel for people who go through panic attacks. I did have constant, unrelenting, high anxiety for about 8 years. I’d shake, I felt so out of control. In my opinion it is impossible for people who don’t suffer with anxiety to understand what it’s like to have the kind of anxiety that has pronounced physical effects. It was much worse than depression, and I compare it to depression, because I think anxiety can be secondary to depression sometimes, and I also think the causes for both can be similar, and I think most people with anxiety have also experienced depression. I’m very thankful I don’t have high levels of anxiety like that anymore.

Thank you to the people above who talked about the grounding techniques and what makes the attack worse for them. Very helpful.

Edit: Just thought of another time. I couldn’t breath well after an accident, couldn’t take in a full breath, scary to say the least, and the EMT and ER put anxiety on my chart. My husband and a friend of ours who was at the hospital with me, both commented on how calm I was. Turned out I had a hole in my lung from the impact, and that’s why I couldn’t take a full breath. I was a little anxious just having been banged up, but they easily could have missed I had an actual tear in my lung. It was not caught on the flat X-ray, just CT.

^it is scientific fact, that females are not treated for hreart attack. Based on their differences in physiology. The patient must literally ask, for testing that can reveal it. They present, with different symtpoms, than men do…

@MrGrimm888 True. Although, every time I’ve been to the hospital with possible heart attack they have always tested my heart enzymes, they were elevated one time. I wonder how often that is the case? A close friend of mine, her SIL died from a heart attack after being released from the ER.

I get very frustrated that doctors assume stress and anxiety for so many things. I don’t think anyone should be embarrassed in front of medical professionals about having a panic attack. Doctors seem to gravitate to using stress as a diagnosis, they seem to grasp how severe the physical effects can be.

@hmmmmmm Agree. When I used to get them I’d break them by taking a shower.

@JLeslie . Sorry about your SIL. That sucks…

I’m a big, strong, and resourceful man. I guess it hurts my pride, when I get those fucking attacks. I didn’t get my first one, until I was like 33. My friend drive me to the ER. He wasn’t very compassionate, to say the least. He is my oldest friend. I asked him for help. He didn’t treat me very nicely. It was like I inconvenienced him.
We were watching Avatar, in 3D I-max. I had already seen it once, and he asked me if I’d go see it with him, because he hadn’t seen it. About a third of the way through the movie, it hit me. I went to the restroom, to try to compose myself. I didn’t understand what was happening. I eventually cane back to our seats, and told him I had to leave. He was confused. I told him, I didn’t know what was wrong, but I felt like I was dying. I had him drive my truck, because I didn’t know if I’d crash, or just die. I thought it might have been a heartattack. He was very grumpy about it, and seemed more upset, that he didn’t get to see the rest of the movie.

I’ve tried multiple times, to Bo back, and watch movies in the theater. But I get a bad attack each time. Long story short, I haven’t been back to a movie theater, in 6 years… Which sucks. I used to love going to the movies. I have to come up with excuses, when girls want to go see one with me. It’s embarrassing…
My ex, and I had to leave a movie once too. She also, wasn’t very nice about it…

Flashing lights, and lots of sound, trigger the attacks. Which made being a bouncer, really tough. I was always the HOS (head of security,) so I had to at least appear to be in control. It almost helped, when we had nights full of fights, because it took my attention away from my attacks. Sometimes, I’ve had 3–4 a week.
Lately, switching to valium, I’ve had far less… I know that I shouldn’t be ashamed of the problem. But I am….

@MrGrimm888 It was my friend’s SIL. It was horrible. She had pregnancy related heart attack. It’s a real thing. She had just had her fourth child.

It always sounds to me like you are under a lot of stress, so I’m not surprised you have high anxiety.

I’m sure you know that part of the problem with bensos is if you take them they can cause anxiety from withdrawal. It’s a catch 22. They are great for reducing anxiety, but then it can become part of the cause. I’m a supporter of using them for acute anxiety though, don’t get me wrong, but it is imperfect, and that’s part of its addictive quality.

Two things really helped me with my anxiety. One, was getting some relief from the chronic pain I was in (my anxiety over those 8 years was connected to a health issue, and more specifically to doctors treating me badly) and also I reframed my expectations of doctors. I also believe that I was able to adjust my anticipatory fears. The fear of the fear, or the fear of the anxiety creates its own anxiety.

I had a separate time of extremely high acute anxiety, it was after a break up with a boyfriend, and I could not function. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep well, I shook uncontrollably, dry heaves in the morning, Xanax probably saved me from possibly getting more ill from being so weak. I lost 10 pounds in one week. I wasn’t having panic attacks, but my anxiety reaction was debilitating. I remember being worried it would never go away. I desperately wanted it to stop.

I do believe the brain can be rewired. I don’t say that to mean you should be able to stop the panic attack from happening, I say that as hope that it might be possible for you and others to reduce or eliminate having attacks. It doesn’t have to be a permanent thing you have to live with. Although, even for myself, part of what gave me relief was my circumstances changed. If I had stayed in the relentless chronic pain for instance, I don’t think I could have calmed down as much as I did.

^Thanks for the advice….