Do you give your girlfriend money for Christmas?

I can’t imagine telling anyone to give me cash for a gift but then I do not know if she is really struggling or in trouble.
Even then I can’t picture asking for that.

@lucillelucillelucille She is not in trouble or really struggling.

That seems odd. Has she not liked the gifts you bought her in the past?

@Eggie -Have you been together a long time?

@lucillelucillelucille for about 5 years.

@janbb yes she has. I bought her a phone for Christmas which she still has and she loves it.

She lives with me in my house.

@Eggie – Well, it’s not like it has only been a short time but yeah, it would bug me if I had that problem.That is my opinion of course and I am sure she has many fine qualities.
Options are:
In leiu of buying a Miss Manners book….
I might have to ask her to write a short essay listing the reasons why she won’t accept a “regular” gift.
Or maybe have her perform extreme acts of bravery for points which can be cashed in for $
Tell her that you will just compliment her instead for that is worth their weight in gold.
None of these suggestions will get you laid, so if that is not your goal, ask if she’ll take a credit card.
Last but not least,take her shopping and pay attention to what she likes & surprise her

It really bugged me she asked that kind of question but I felt bad telling her that. I didn’t apologize though. Should I?

A gift is one that the ‘giver” gives with there thoughts behind it.
Asking for a specific gift is rude and sounds like she feels entitled?
No, I have never given a money gift to boyfriends, nor husbands.
However I have always given practical and useful gifts with there interests in mind and most had been very happy.

@Eggie It couldn’t hurt to explain things to her in a kind way.Maybe something on the order of money being too cold & impersonal.
Good luck :).

Will she give YOU money for Christmas in return?

I agree with @lucillelucillelucille —only if a person is in financial trouble, and only if its an amount that will actually help.

A compromise would be for her to select a gift or tell you what she wants.

If you’ve been together for 5 years, and you live together, there is more going on here than meets the eye. Talk to her about this. There is something that’s prompting this request, maybe she has a friend that needs some financial help, maybe she has a debt that she’s concerned about.
I doubt that she’s being rude or entitled, but there needs to be a conversation.

What has she given you in the past for Christmas?
It seems a little early to bring that up, too.

@canidmajor has good advice.

She ASKED for money. Who are you to over rule her wishes or tell her that’s the wrong gift?

Is she saving for something specific?

I don’t find it odd if she wants something very expensive, but would never ask you to pay for something so expensive, but I think she should tell what she wants the money for if that’s the case.

I don’t like to get gifts that I don’t want. It feels like a waste of money for the person giving me the gift. I very much appreciate gifts that are given to me, and I’m sentimental about gifts also, but I like practical gifts.

If she wants/needs money then I think go ahead and gift her the money you would have spent if that’s what she wants. You’ve been together long enough that it’s not a big deal is it? I guess you keep your money separate, which you should since you’re not married.

I’ve never given or receive money to or from a boyfriend for a gift, but I have told boyfriends or my husband what I want. My parents always give me money as a gift.

Yeah, I may just ask why she wants cash, out of curiousity. Credit card debt? A lot of people hide it.

Gosh. Maybe she doesn’t want to tell him. Maybe she’s helping a friend out financially. Maybe she’s saving for a surprise vacation. Just give the girl what she asked for.

She’s asking him to give her his money. Maybe he has a right to know why. It’s different from a regular gift.

No, it is not different from a regular gift. If he asks what she wants, and she says, “A fur coat,” she’s asking him to spend his money on a gift for her. Does that give him the right to over rule her and say, “No, I will not buy you a fur coat. I will buy you what I want to buy you because it’s my money.”

Yes, of course it does. You are extrapolating things he didn’t say. He didn’t say that he asked what she wanted and she said “money”. Reread the details. The part of gift-giving that you seem not to understand is the process of picking it out, anticipating the joy, etc.
Is that you approach gift events? “It’s my birthday, give me money.” “It’s Christmas, give me money.” And you then feel you are owed the cash. That must just delight your loved ones.

I think Dutchess is basically right. Why not give a gift the receiver wants, not what the giver wants to give? The giver should want to give what the receiver would appreciate.

It’s not a couple in their first months of dating, it’s not a surprise gift, it’s a couple who has been together a long time and she felt comfortable telling her boyfriend what she would prefer.

@canidmajor To a lot of people it’s not “give me money,” it’s money is being spent on a gift and the receiver prefers money. I know many people are similar to you and either feel robbed of the gift giving experience if it’s cash, or think giving money is gauche, but shouldn’t there be joy in giving what the receiver wants or needs? Are you actually putting the givers desires before the receivers? It seems selfish. I have a bunch of gifts in a closet because people wanted to buy me something, or felt they had to. What’s the point of that? Some are sentimental, and I never would want to give them away, but still sit hidden and unused. Some will be regifted.

Oh, @JLeslie, I know exactly what she’s saying. And if it’s a gift for a traditional gift-giving event, then yes, I am putting the giver ahead of the receiver. The gift should be freely given, not demanded.

My first post on this thread is how I really feel about @Eggie’s dilemma, as it is a somewhat awkward situation for him and not, I believe the norm. “Just give her the money”, without knowing anything else about the situation is just stupid advice, I feel.

It’s not being demanded.

My perspective from a receiving end: 6 doctors in my office pooled their money to give to me and two others in the office. They left it up to one doctor to get us a card and give us the money. He used hospital envelopes that he had folded several times, actually looked wadded up, no cards and pitched it on our desks. To this day I couldn’t tell you how much money was in there, just that I felt that there was no effort made. I was less than impressed. I realize in this case that the receiver asked for money. Obviously in this case, @eggie is not comfortable with that or he wouldn’t be asking about it.

Why did they give you money @chyna?

A Christmas gift.

What would you prefer to give her @Eggie?

After much thought ill give her the money as a gift. If she wants that instead of a gift then why not?

I think it’s the right thing to do. Put it in a beautiful card, and take her out for a fancy dinner (or what ever kind of dinner she likes) and present her with it. (How much do you usually spend on a Christmas gift for her? I’m kind of curious.)

This reminds me of the Merry Christmas debate. Jellies saying they say Merry Christmas because that’s what they want to say and don’t care if they even know the other person is Jewish. Not that I care if someone wishes me a Merry Christmas, and even if they know I’m Jewish they might say Merry Christmas out of habit, all ok with me, I know it’s said with good intent, but most people when they realize want to wish the Happy Chanukah, but there are few (I remember this from Q’s and in real life) that INSIST that no one is going to take away their joy of wishing a Merry Christmas. I don’t get it, just like I don’t understand worrying about yourself as the giver more than the person you give the gift to. Don’t you want them to enjoy the gift? I understand why people might feel odd giving money, that part I do understand.

@chyna I think your answer supports what @Dutchess_III and I have been saying.

Happy Halloween @JLeslie!

Happy Halloween to you too!

And, Happy New Year! Lol.

Happy Pontoon Boat!

It actually is the Jewish NewYear this time of year. It was a week ago.

I like the Jewish New Year—it may be because I associate with back-to-school schedules, but even in churches, the New Year starts in early Fall, when Summer makes her graceful exit.

^^I never really connected that the Jewish new year aligns with the school year. Ironically, when I was in college there was a big to do that registration often fell on the same days as Yom Kippur, which is right after the new year. You’re not supposed to work or touch money and you’re supposed to fast and atone, so waiting on long lines to register and then writing a check for tuition was technically a big no no.

I never understood why the New Year is Jan 1st. It seems to me it should be Easter or Christmas.