Have you ever coped with a major change in your life? How do you get through it?

For those who have not read any of my other posts, I came home 20 years ago after my mother had a brain tumor, and again, came home seven or eight years ago after being shot in a robbery, I am currently maintaining an apartment with my GF, who is also dependent on me, while I am driving my parents around and assisting with their medical / physical therapy needs. I am in an unsustainable economic circumstances now as well.

I never really left anything all behind completely and severed ties with the past. I couldn’t do it then, and its much harder even now.

I have.
I get through negative changes by taking it one day at a time.
I also count my blessings.Literally. Every single day I do this and it usually puts things in perspective very quickly for me.
I don’t like to spend too much time ruminating on things I cannot change.
If I am stressed, nothing works better than exercise, IMO, to quell that state of mind.

This will sound harsh, but it is realistic and about living in the present.

Go clean out all that old trash (because it really is trash) and get it to the dump or donated to Salvation Army. It has not brought you any joy or happiness in 20 years, and is really nothing but a burden to you now.

People joke about Marie Kondo, but there is truth in her idea. If something still sparks joy, get it out of the attic or garage, and put it in your daily life.

If anything, cleaning out old stuff may give you a resolve to finish projects and to treasure keepsakes where you can enjoy them.

I get through it by simply continuing to breathe each time I find myself waking up. It’s when I make the decision to continue participating in the human experiment I call “Existence.”

Are you not getting the house? If so, sell or stay, as you please. I’d just calm down and think about the future- with the gf. Make a practical plan while you figure things out.

Yes,it was cathartic , (providing psychological relief through the open expression of strong emotions; causing catharsis.)
It was like a letting go of my younger days , like shedding the past in order to make more room for my future.

I cried at times, mourned,got depressed , but took a break when that happened then went back to finishing up the removal and got it done…it was a heavy weight off my back and I felt ready to take on whatever came my way more confidently.

This is a process in life that I am sure everyone will go through sometime in there lifeline.

Before one can go on successfully into their future they have to first reconcile there past by getting rid of things that perhaps remind one of memories that bring up regrets etc

For things that trigger good memories of your past either keep or” just photograph” them , so that in old age you may look upon them in delight and this helped me in writing down some humorous family stories.

For other things sell them ( Garage Sale) and make some money that will help out.Maybe your Girlfriend might help with organizing that Garage sale together with you.

How about, every time you go over there, for any reason, pick up one thing and decide what to do with it, and then do it.

Every day is something new. That is how life is. If I look back, we moved around a lot when I was a kid, I moved in with some friends when I turned 18. I moved out on my own when I was 19. I joined the Navy at 20. Got out and got married 6 years later. Got divorced and became a single parent of 3 9 years later. Played single parent for another 5 years and then got married again. Quit my job and moved to a new job 4 states away where we knew no one about 10 years later. Just got laid off last year and started an entirely new career. Life does hand us challenges sometimes.
I guess the biggest upheaval I faced was the divorce and being a single parent. The kids were 6, 2.5 and 2.5 (twins) when I got divorced. She moved from Ohio to California and I kept the kids. I had to figure out child care, school stuff, a job where I was working rotating shift work, and about a hundred other things. I had to sell the house, get rid of belongings, find homes for pets and animals, and set up shop nearer to family that I could lean on for help.
I think when it comes to all the changes I have had in my adult life, I dealt with them in a very similar fashion. I set my goals and my standards and worked my life towards them. Sometimes that meant I had to sacrifice something or do things I didn’t want to do. But when I put forth my priorities and stuck to them, it became more controlled. For instance…I loved where I was living when I got divorced. I didn’t want to sell the house. But my priority at that point wasn’t me…it was my kids. To keep their lives as happy and productive as possible, I saw no way to keep the house. So I got rid of it. I found a place to rent and knew what furniture and belongings I could keep and got rid of everything else. It made the selection process easier. I set up things to do on my off time from work to best balance our lives. I knew I had to cook and clean and all that, but also wanted to do things with the kids. So we worked together to find our balance. But through it all, I put my kids’ lives and happiness at the forefront of my thoughts because I had set that as my priority.
When I met my current wife, she was a single mother of three as well. We got the group together a couple times before we decided we were getting married and the kids all got along okay. But when we decided to get married, my priority changed to putting my wife first. The kids were still important and their happiness was very important to both of us, but I was not going to put their demands before my wife. And I stuck to that. At one point, my daughter pretty much hated my wife and her daughter pretty much hated me, but that was something we could work through…because we (my wife and I) were a team. We cared about and for the children, but were not going to let them rule the roost. Because we set our priorities and stuck to them, we had a guiding light to follow.

In the timeless history of the Universe, we all spent just about every minute of it in a state of Oblivion
Then we are born

Thus I can argue that in that context every day is a major change. There is no method to how you cope with it.

You just do.

Because what’s next is the same old Oblivion

Forever

I feel for you, man. I’m in a state similar to that where I have people dependent on me but I’m unhappy with where I’m at. You’re afraid of change and switching locations, careers, family, friends, etc. I’m trying to get back to my family and you’re trying to keep yours. I’m taking this day by day. Those turn to weeks and months as you know. It sounds like you need a tall glass of *insert strong drink of choice with me and a game or two of pool for starters.

The 20-year marriage ended, and I didn’t want to go back to my old ways, my old girlfriends. Yeah, at least one would have been hot on my trail. The drinking and hell-raising. Getting a little old for that. I moved across the country to avoid that old life.